Chaka's World

Why I am not running for President

2012-02-01T12:00:00.000-08:00

Maybe I'm just not very observant, but in the past I recall presidential candidates would start to campaign and hold debates the year of the election, but it seems they have been campaigning non stop for the last two years. I think having multiple debates can be a good thing to help us get to know the candidates, but why can't we just do it like March Madness and by the end of one month get down to the final winner? This drawn out process is driving my crazy.

I meet the criteria to be President of the United States since I am over 35 years old and was born in the U.S., but aside from these two things, I have no qualifications whatsoever. Even if I wanted to be the president, I would not dare undergo the two year process of having the media and my opponents dissect my life under a microscope.

Even the squeakiest clean candidate is at risk of having skeletons come out of their closet. I'm afraid I don't have thick enough skin for the scrutiny they have to endure.They would not uncover any extramarital affairs or that I had made any obscene amounts of money for consulting or giving speeches, but once they came across this blog, I'd lose all credibility.

Why can't the election process be like the Summer Olympics? Unless your city is hosting the Olympics, things stay quiet for 3 years and 11 months and then for one month we get immersed in them and have a good time. Then we have the closing ceremonies and everyone goes home happy for another 4 years.

I've heard that doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is the definition of insanity. I think it is also the definition of voting. I actually think everyone should vote, even if it feels like you won't make any difference. At least voting makes you qualified to complain about things. Nobody wants to hear someone who didn't vote complain about the leaders they have.

When it comes to politics, if you are liberal, conservative, middle of the road, or extremist, I think one thing we can all agree on is that this is going to get old before November rolls around.

Beauty From The Past

2012-01-24T11:51:00.000-08:00

I recently showed my kids some old photo albums which featured pictures from my childhood and high school years. I was shocked at the amount of disrespect they had for the 70's and 80's. They just laughed at how ugly the clothes, hair, and people were during that time. I guess I haven't taught them that they need to respect their elders.

Exhibit A features two stars who were at the top of their game in the 70's. Shaun Cassidy and Farah Fawcett. Feathered hair, bell bottoms, and platform shoes defined the 70's. Hair was longer and earth tones were big.

Exhibit B shows Tubbs and Crocket who were poster children for the 80's. This was a time for bright colors, poofy hair, shoulder pads, leg warmers, members only jackets, and stirrup pants.

The Wedding Singer did a great job of portraying the 80's.

Even though many of these styles are embarrassing in retrospect, I still prefer the cleaned up yet dorky 80's look to the grungy, dirty baggy pants look that came after it in the 90's. It is amazing how fickle style is. Clothes that were once cool and in style are later only sought after for Halloween costumes that mock the earlier era or are worn only to get a laugh.

Preparing For a Water Landing

2012-01-17T15:46:00.000-08:00

I recently heard in the news that passengers flying from Miami to London on a British Airways flight were awoken mid flight while over the Atlantic ocean by a cockpit recording telling them that to prepare for a water landing. The emergency landing alert they heard had accidentally been activated by the crew. OOPS!

Where to begin on this? First of all I'd like to address the concept of a water "landing". This is a phrase that has been prettied up to keep people from panicking, but it really means "we are about to crash into the ocean and die". I can think of few things that scare me more than crashing into a large body of water and being disoriented in the dark as cold water rushes into a cabin full of panicked passengers.

Unless you are flying in this plane, don't call it a water landing!

From my vast knowledge of airplane survival facts, I can tell you that if you are lucky enough to survive a water landing, you could end up as a lonely guy on a remote island talking to a volleyball or even worse, be stuck on an island with a bunch of other survivors who end up getting on each others nerves, seeing polar bears, kidnapping each other, and fighting against the Dharma initiative.

I'm sure the passengers were relieved when they realized it was just a false alarm. When I say relieved, I imagine many of them were literally relieved. There must have been a long line to the lavatory afterwards. Can you imagine the adrenaline that you would feel if you heard a message like that? I think I'd rather have my luggage lost 10 times while traveling as opposed to hearing the message that I should brace for an emergency water landing.

I'm glad nobody was hurt and I'm really glad it didn't happen to me.

My Favorite Painter

2012-01-14T20:27:00.000-08:00

In an effort to introduce some culture to this blog, I'd like to feature some artwork. I appreciate many painters and their creations. I'm not a huge fan of or Picasso or Pollock. I've expressed my opinions about modern art in the past. I really like Alma Tadema, Leonardo Da Vinci, Rembrandt, but one of my favorite artists has to be Salvador Dali.

I'm pretty sure if you look up a eccentric lunatic in the dictionary, you will find his picture. Dali was a nut. I would have been nervous to be in the same room with the guy, but I love many of his pieces. Much of his work has perverted Freudian overtones which I don't really care for, but his surrealist work, busy details, colors, and hidden images in his paintings seem to speak to me. Maybe twisted minds think alike.

Fashion Models- I Don't Get It

2012-01-09T12:26:00.000-08:00

When I hear the word "model" several things come to mind, but usually I think of ladies modeling clothes in catalogs for The Gap, Dress Barn, Lane Bryant, or some other clothing retailer. Using an attractive person to model the clothes you are tying to sell seems logical, but there is a darker side to the industry that makes no sense at all to me at.

Before I proceed, I'll admit I am not up to date when it comes to fashion. I have been wearing the same style of clothes since Ronald Reagan was president. I will never grace the cover of GQ with my wardrobe and fashion sense, but I think I have enough common sense to know the difference between right and wrong.

When I see pictures or video clips of anorexic, angry looking, girls walking down a catwalk dressed as clowns, I just have to scratch my head. Are they serious or is this an inside joke? I don't care if the outfit sells for $3,000 or if it's the featured attraction at the Milan Fashion Show, they still look like a joke. Maybe they are just having a contest to see which one of them has the most self esteem by seeing who can wear humiliating clothes in front of crowds of people without breaking into tears.

These sort of models look ridiculous. They are the "modern art" of the fashion industry. It used to be that if someone said they were dating a model, then it was like a status symbol. I'm not so sure if that is something people would brag about when they dress like this.

On the bright side, I guess there are still some people out there who make Lady Ga Ga look reserved and conservative by comparison.

The Elusive 200th Follower

2012-01-04T22:00:00.000-08:00

I love the followers on this blog, but I must have done something recently to upset some of them. I was nearly at 200 several months ago, but things have just been hovering in the same place and have recently gone backwards. As a result, I have been strategizing about how to remedy this situation. After some brain storming, I came up with the following 5 options.

1) I can beg, whine, and bug people to follow my blog if they already are not doing so. I decided against this since it just turns people off and I have already done that in the past.

2) Pretend I don't care about it and adopt the mantra "following blogs is so 90's". The bitter grapes mentality works for lots of people so why not me?

3) Incorporate the Name Mommy Blogger somewhere into the title of my blog. Mommy Bloggers seem to have common ground and a sense of comradery that I have not seen anywhere else.

4) Steal someone else's followers. I could plan a heist with an all star cast that would include George Clooney, Jason Stratham, Brad Pitt, and Leonardo DiCaprio. It would be bold, suspenseful, and hip. The next morning when Vodka Mom and Shanimal's Crackers woke up, they would only have my calling card where their followers widget used to be on their blog.

5) I could actually put something of substance on Chaka's World in 2012 that people might value. After much deliberation, I have decided this is the best option. This may be the most difficult solution, but I think it will be worth it. Now I just need to start work on my essays and poems about Super heroes and lava.

Word Pet Peeves

2011-12-26T23:31:00.000-08:00

I'd like to address the topic of misused or mispronounced words that I hear quite frequently. With the new year approaching and people thinking about goals and resolutions, some people may want to set a goal to improve their vocabulary. DISCLAIMER: I'm no expert and I regularly make many mistakes on this blog so I'm not presenting this in a holier than thou attitude. I'm just doing it because hearing some of these words pronounced incorrectly can be more painful than hearing nails on a chalk board.

The most common mispronounced victim is the word Escape, not excape. The button on the computer you use to escape says ESC, it is not the X button.

Realtor not Realator. Even many realtors I have known mispronounce their occupation.

You take something for granted not granite. The exception to this is if you make assumptions about counter top materials you are shopping for.

Nuclear not nucular. President Bush had many critics who did not agree with him on a variety of issues. The way he pronounced this word was my biggest concern with him. Just sound it out!

Especially not expecially (a cousin to excape)

It is etcetera not excetra.

Asterisk not asterix (I guess we are a country with a fixation for the x sound)

For all intents and purposes is often verbalized as "for all intensive purposes."

Chest of drawers is not Chester Drawers. He was Cleetus' friend on the Dukes of Hazard.

The color sticks kids draw with are called crayons not crons or crowns.

Another favorite is "Patriotical" used in place of patriarchal. I think a patriotical blessing must be something members of the LDS church receive on the 4th of July.

"Samich" and "libary" are the most painful words to hear. If you are out of grade school you need to pronounce these correctly.

What other words would you add to the list?

Random thoughts

2011-12-20T22:31:00.000-08:00

It's time for another edition of my random thoughts.

Whenever I accidentally flip over my computer mouse and the red light is exposed and shines out, I like to pretend it is cyclops from X-men. I always cover my eyes and quickly flip it back over before any damage is done.

Dana White and Vanna White have similar names. I sometimes get them mixed up. My friends who are into UFC and Wheel of Fortune don't have much respect for me.

I think a deal breaker on a first date is if your date doesn't mind when people who use the word dental caries instead of cavities.

I'm glad there is balance in the universe. I saw a preview for Sisterhood of the Traveling pants. The antidote to help me feel like a man again was watching the trailer for the Expendables 2. Check it out below. It's only a minute long, but I have never seen so much potential testosterone in a movie before. I think the Surgeon General needs to put a warning on the movie poster.

Picture of the Month Dec. 2012

2011-12-15T09:01:00.000-08:00

I give a thumbs up to anyone who can combine two of my favorite things: Christmas and Star Wars.

My Top 10 Beard Excuses

2011-12-11T13:26:00.001-08:00

Around Thanksgiving, someone accidentally scratched my face while I was playing a game of basketball. I didn't shave for a couple days after that since I wanted to let it heal. For some reason I decided to just keep letting it grow. Since I have never been a beard guy, I have been getting a lot of comments and questions about it lately. In order to put an end to the questioning, I have decided to make a top ten list of my favorite reasons I give people as to why I'm growing a beard.

10) I just want people to appreciate all the times when I do shave.

9) I'm trying out for the role of Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof.

8) I enjoy having tellers ask to see my ID now and not trusting me at my bank anymore.

7) Because I can.

6) I'm getting into Civil War reenactments and I should be ready for my first performance as Stonewall Jackson in 2014.

5) I was considering hanging out with the Occupy Salt Lake City group and wanted to look the part.

4) I'm just following the example of my mentor, James Brolin.

3) I burned my face and they had to use a skin graft from my back.

2) The tattoo artist misspelled "Stud Muffin" and I don't have money for laser removal , so get used to the beard.

1) What beard? Oh... Crap! I forgot to shave this morning.

I'm not a fan of facial hair and I don't think I can keep it up much longer.

Intimidating Machinery

2011-12-06T16:06:00.000-08:00

I've been watching some educational shows with my kids recently that show how things like glass, pills, bottle tops, candy, and all kinds of every day objects are made. It's kind of cool to see the process, but what really impresses me is the size and speed of the customized machinery used to mass produce stuff.

I am amazed when I see these machines at work, but at the same time my heart sinks in despair when I see this equipment in action. We will never be able to stand up to such efficient machines after they get intelligence chips and turn on us.

I really don't believe in the rise of machines theory, but I still get intimidated when I see factories full of huge equipment or heavy machinery that is larger than my house. Where does the stuff come from? How can you make machines that big? Who do you call when it breaks? When I see robotic arms welding cars together or machines counting out and bottling 1,000 vitamins in a fraction of a second, I'm in awe, but it also worries me and stresses me out.

If I were stuck on a desert island for 50 years, I'm afraid the only invention I'd come up with would be a rock to help me sharpen sticks. Other men in similar circumstances would have a fabrication plant up and running after several years and would not only have an escape boat, but it would be a luxury yacht.

I can not relate to machinists, mechanics, or inventors. They have my respect. The people who can make such crazy machines and equipment should be the heroes of our day instead of the musicians, movie stars, and athletes that get all the attention. I say we forget about the potential candidates running for president next year and instead let the person who made the machine that paints 5,000 Coke cans in 4 minutes be president. At least they know how to get stuff done.

The 10 Worst Christmas Songs Ever

2011-12-02T18:55:00.001-08:00

Now that we are in December, you are probably hearing more Christmas music. Yesterday while I was driving home from work, a local radio station host posed the question "Which Christmas songs don't you care for?". I have been contemplating this topic for a while so I think it's time to address my least favorite Christmas songs.

I understand people have a wide variety of music preferences, and I don't want to come across as Mr. Scrooge, but I feel that speaking out against these songs is my duty, kind of like coming to a person's aid when they are being mugged. Here is my list of what I consider to be the 10 worst Christmas songs of all time.

10. Jingle Bells by Fresh Aire. Here me out on this. I love Manheim Steamroller and they make up the majority of my Christmas music, but this particular version (Christmas in the Air 1995) is the most slow and depressing narcoleptic piece I've ever heard.

9. I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus and Rocking Around the Christmas Tree. It's a toss up. Maybe these songs get some people in the Christmas mood, but not me. They just don't sound like Christmas songs to me.

8. The Muppet's 12 days of Christmas. I once had coworkers who would play this all-star muppet cast version over and over and over without tiring of it. Now whenever I hear the muppets sing, I just feel sick.

7. Last Christmas- George Michael or Wham or whoever sings this created one of the wussiest song I have ever heard. I can see why she threw it away the very next day.

6. Santa Baby- My kids heard this song for the first time recently and to quote my 8 year old "What's wrong with that lady? She's creeping me out."

5. A Wonderful Christmas Time- Paul McCartney- Yes, even Beatles make mistakes. This obnoxious, repetitious song features some of the worst synth ever recorded by man.

4. Christmas Shoes by Newsong. Before you accuse me of being a heartless insensitive guy, just think about the premise of the song. A kid's mom is dying and he's worried about buying her footwear instead of spending time with her? It's a blatant attempt to be a tear jerker song, but I'm afraid it back fired.

3. Feliz Navidad. I have nothing against my south of the border friends. I speak Spanish and enjoy the language, but this whiny pitched song drives me nuts and really gets on my nerves. I can't stand it because it seems so inappropriate. It is very un-Christmas like, kind of like Beach Boys songs.

2. Jingle Bell Rock. When I was in second grade, we had to sing this for a school program and even at that early age, I felt there was something very wrong with this song. "Giddy up jingle horse? Really? I'm still trying to recover from the trauma it caused me.

1. Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer. This is the ultimate classless hick song. Whenever I hear this, my IQ immediately drops 50 points and I don't have many digits to spare in that department.

I hope I didn't step on any one's toes. I could go on and name several other honorable mentions, but I'd rather hear which Christmas songs you don't care for.

The Adsense Challenge

2011-11-29T18:58:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure why, but I still have some Adsense ads on my blogs. I'm always amazed at how quickly they adapt and customize to the topic of my latest post. I am never amazed or impressed with how little they pay out. Anyway, if I write about Christmas trees, then tree ads appear immediately after I publish the post. If I write about college, then online course advertisements suddenly appear.

You have probably heard about John Henry vs. the digging machine or the Jeopardy nerds vs. Watson the computer. I have decided to try a challenge kind of like that. I call it me against Google data recognition. I'm going to briefly discuss a topic with synonyms and see if the Google computers are smart enough to know what I'm talking about. Here goes the test.

I'm thinking of a food in the nut family. It is my favorite variety and the first part of the name is a word for paper money. The last syllable is a noise people make when they are grossed out. These delicious foods come in cans and sometimes compliment Chinese cuisine. They are also used in an ice cream flavor with caramel. They look like this.

Let's see if Adsense is smart enough to identify this wonderful food.

Family Time and Ping Pong

2011-11-26T07:02:00.001-08:00

I don't want to brag, but I am pretty dang good at Ping Pong. My family had a ping pong table when I was younger and I occasionally played when I was a teenager. Some friends recently offered us a ping pong table they were getting rid of so we took it. It is packed in the middle of our play room upstairs and I'm sure any interior designer or Feng Shui expert would have a fit, but I don't mind. Despite not playing table tennis for over 20 years, I am pleased to report that I still have the skills!

We have a tradition of attempting to spend time together every week in my family. Ideally we would watch a movie, or go to the park, have a lesson, plan activities, or make something fun to eat. Frequently it just consists of me getting mad at my kids for being noisy and not listening so I end up dismissing them and sending them to bed until there is only one kid left and they are declared the winner. We very seldom have functional family home evenings. When I want to get the family together for an impromptu gathering during the week I call it an emergency session since it sounds more important and makes me feel like a general.

I think spending family time together is extremely important. Eating together as a family is a lost art. The invention of the microwave and TV and computer have impacted how families eat. I'm all for convenience and doing things on the run, but I also think having the occasional "Waltons" sit down dinner would do wonders for most families.

Anyway, back to Ping Pong. Since we got this table, I have spent way more quality time with my kids and have had a blast playing with them and learning even more about their attitudes and personalities. It has been fun to have heated trash talking battles with my teenagers as well as patient teaching moments with my 5 year old who is just happy to be able to hit the ball back 2 or 3 times in a volley.

I highly recommend ping pong and regular family time. Doing simple and easy things together can work wonders for your family. I challenge you to look for ways to spend more quality time as a family. (He types this as he is telling his kids to be quiet so he can watch sports highlights on YouTube), but seriously, as you are shopping for presents for your kids this year, consider stuff you can do together as a family instead of buying them more electronics which often retard their social skills and seclude them from the world.

Speaking of ping pong, here is a crazy clip of some guys I would hate to play against.

Giving Thanks

2011-11-24T11:25:00.000-08:00

I've been a little reluctant to post about Thanksgiving since I'm sure the topic has already been addressed by most people this week. Even so, I'd still like to share some thoughts about gratitude and giving thanks since I have been blessed with so much.

Several years ago I was going through a very hard time. I was having financial setbacks, stress, and was very depressed and discouraged. One evening I was feeling sorry for myself since everything seemed to be going against me. At that moment I felt impressed to make a list of the things I was thankful for. I reluctantly started the process of counting my blessings and by the time I finished, I had several pages of evidence why I should be happy and grateful despite the less than ideal experiences I was going through.

Most people living in developed countries take luxuries like running water, electricity, and heating for granted. I can only imagine how much of our day would be spent in survival mode if we didn't live in civilizations that have the infrastructure to take care of these important things for us. For many of us, the challenge we deal with is deciding how we are going to entertain ourselves in our free time. By the way, reading Chaka's World is always a good option since it is free and doesn't take too much time.

Despite our screwed up government and political corruption, we are still blessed with freedoms, rights, and privileges that others could only dream of. I'm grateful for the order that governments provide and that we have security and protection and are not just a bunch of tribes and gangs trying to fight for the necessities we need to survive.

I'm sure we all have challenges and set backs and are wanting in many areas of our lives, but focusing on what we do have and being thankful for those things can improve our quality of life. I really believe that having an attitude of gratitude makes us more receptive to God's blessings.

Some people might think that Thanksgiving is a gluttonous time of eating, but I think the annual practice of feasting is very appropriate since it reminds us how richly we've been blessed with an abundance of things. I am also a big fan of food so I'd probably be all for it even without the symbolism. I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving with your friends and family. I also hope we can remember to be grateful for all that we have all the other days of the year too.

Picture of the Month-Nov 2011

2011-11-20T07:10:00.000-08:00

In anticipation of Thanksgiving, I have decided to pay tribute to my favorite food. I know that turkey is supposed to be the star of the show, but mashed potatoes and gravy have always been my favorite. I consider them to be the staple and all of the other great foods are just accessories on the plate.

You Might Be A Blogger If...

2011-11-15T07:00:00.000-08:00

It has been 8 days since I last posted on Chaka's World and I believe that's the longest break I've ever taken since I started blogging. This got me thinking about the psychology of blogging. I've been doing it for a while now and have come to realize that there are people who have a blog and then there are your hard core bloggers. In order to help you see which you are, I have prepared some questions.

You are probably not a serious blogger if you can't remember your blog address when someone asks for it or if you haven't posted anything since Obama was elected president.

You might be a hard core blogger if...

* You have many blogging acquaintances you consider to be good friends, but you have never actually met them. (Yes, some of the nice women who make clever comments on this blog could actually be grown men living in their mom's basement and I'd never know the difference.)

* You have ever published a post by accident.

* You have ever deleted entire posts by accident.

* You worry about what it was that you wrote or how you offended someone whenever you lose a follower.

* You constantly take notes in the back of your mind when you see something that would make a good blog topic or story. Just today I came up with the idea of installing Arby's bells in the library so you can let the librarians know that they did a good job. I will have to elaborate on this later in a post.

* You feel pressure to post at least every week if not more frequently.

* You no longer notice word verification screens because you leave so many comments.

I'm not trying to judge bloggers who don't write much or are not very active. I just wanted to make the point that there are casual bloggers and then there are very active bloggers. Don't feel bad if you feel you are in the first group. You are probably more well rounded and less screwed up.

Daylight Savings

2011-11-07T15:02:00.000-08:00

I'm still not sure if I hate pitch black mornings or early nights more.

My Hunger Strike

2011-11-04T20:49:00.000-07:00

I have been very frustrated with the NBA lockout. It seems that neither side is willing to make the compromises that are needed to resolve the conflict. As a result, the fans are being hurt. In an attempt to put some extra pressure on David Stern and all of the league's superstars, I have decided to go on a hunger strike until the situation is resolved. I am dead serious about this.

Until the lockout is resolved, I will not eat the following foods:

onions
turnips
pickles
fish

Hopefully my sacrifice will motivate the league to resolve the situation with a greater sense of urgency. I know my actions may sound extreme or even dangerous, but I miss seeing my daily NBA highlights and something has to be done.

Jim Meskimen Impressions

2011-11-01T06:55:00.000-07:00

I love watching good impressionists. It seems everyone one and their dog can do John Wayne, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Jimmy Stewart, but Jim Meskimen has in impressive repertoire and I love hearing Shakespeare in all the different celebrity voices. I especially like his Gervais, Clooney, Shatner, Giamatti, and Freeman. Check this out if you have not seen it before.

Life's Not Fair

2011-10-29T09:57:00.000-07:00

I try to stay away from political commentary since that's a great way to alienate readers, but I've recently heard some comments from some of the "occupy everywhere" protesters around the country that bothered me. A common theme I keep hearing is that we need to redistribute the wealth in order to make things fair. I believe society has an obligation to watch out for and help those who are less fortunate or struggling, but I don't think it is the government's job to try and make everything fair. Guess what? Life's not fair.

I can respect demonstrating for civil rights, women's suffrage, or trying to obtain freedom from an oppressive government, but when your cause is a potpourri of random objectives like "I shouldn't have to pay back my student loans" or vague statements like "corporate greed is destroying our country", then I have a hard time empathizing with them.

If you are serious about making things fair, then it's going to take much more than just taking from the rich and giving to the poor. Many people are fine with the redistribution of wealth philosophy, but if we really want to make things fair we should extend it to the following areas too.

Education- It's not fair that some students pull down straight A's while others struggle and fail in school. Why not just give all the students a C+ to make it fair? Also, some schools have way more prestige associated with them than others. I think changes need to be made to education institutions until community and technical colleges are respected and accepted on a resume just as much as Harvard or Yale.

Success- Professional sports teams like the Celtics, Steelers, and Yankees have had way more than their fair share of championships. Maybe we should ban them from future playoffs or only let them play their second string players in games to make it more fair. We need to even the playing field.

Good looks- Why should people like George Clooney, Ryan Reynolds, Jennifer Anniston, and Kate Beckinsale get all the breaks? I demand that ugly people get free plastic surgery and spa treatments from now on. If someone is really good looking they should also be required to get a scar or some kind of blemish to compensate.

Fame- Why is it that so many of the Hollywood actors who claim to support and promote "equality" take an unfair share of work in the movie industry. I think everyone should have a chance to be in the movies. Emma Watson has been in 8 Harry Potter Movies, but most of us haven't even been in one! Why can't I be James Bond for a change? It would be more fair if after you've been in one movie, your Hollywood career is over so we can make room for others who would like to be in a movie but don't have a chance because of all the usual actors hogging the fame.

World Wide Equality- Rich is a relative term. The poorest of the poor in this country are still wealthier than most people in other countries. Are you comparing your plight to someone who owns a vacation home at Martha's vineyard or people living in the slums of Calcutta? Maybe starving people in Africa and India should protest that it is not fair that the poorest of the protesters in America have a much higher standard of living than them.

I know this sounds extreme and you might think I'm a jerk for posing such ridiculous scenarios, but that is what we need to do if we are really going to make everything fair. By the way, I admit there is corporate greed and extreme inequality but I think we have more power to change things if we focus on improving the 99% as opposed to complaining about the 1%. I don't have all the answers, but I believe allowing people the freedom to create their own destiny is a better option than trying to make life equal and only mediocre at best for everyone. We should have equal opportunities, not equal results.

The Evolution of Halloween

2011-10-24T07:00:00.000-07:00

As Halloween nears, I am frequently reminded how much my wife hates this holiday. I find that ironic coming from a girl who had the coolest Princess Leia costume for Halloween (complete with sweet roll hair and blaster) when she was in first grade. She loves Autumn and harvest time but can't stand Halloween. She refers to it as Satan's birthday and doesn't care for celebrating the themes of darkness, death, and fear.

I'm not as much of a party pooper as my good wife, but I can see where she's coming from. At the risk of sounding like the grumpy old man and stepping on the toes of those who really love the holiday, I have decided to share some insights about Halloween.

First of all, there was a time when Halloween used to be like the Norman Rockwell painting above. Over the years, the holiday has evolved into an excuse for girls to dress like skanks. Unfortunately many of those who decide to dress so provocatively don't look like the models below. I've also noticed that it's kind of a one-sided thing. You don't see guys looking for an excuse to dress like Chippendale's dancers for Halloween.

Here are some things I like and don't like about Halloween.

Like:

-Carving pumpkins with my kids.

-Cider, donuts, and good candy.

-Seeing people in public or at work who dress up in creative costumes since I never do.

-How excited my kids get to dress up no matter how lame their costume may be.

-Scary, suspenseful movies like Psycho, Lady in White, The Sixth Sense, and The Ring.

-Exacting my trick-or-treat tax from my little kids after I take them around the block.

-Watching my wife get worked up over innocent things like evil pastries.

Dislike:

-Kids who trick or treat after they are teenagers. Once you start shaving, it's time to move on to costume parties or spook alleys with your friends but leave the begging for candy routine to the little kids.

-Kids who start ringing my doorbell at 2:00 PM to trick or treat a good three hours before it even starts to get dark!

-Bobbing for apples. Are you serious? What genius came up with this unsanitary game? Probably some dude who licks his fingers after he uses the bathroom.

-Pointless slasher movies where some crazed person goes around killing stupid teenagers in the woods.

-Lonely old people who make you come in and visit and do actual tricks before they will give you a treat.

-People who give out popcorn balls to trick-or-treaters. This is even worse than razor blades.

I hope I don't sound too judgemental. I have many friends who have a blast every Halloween and I'm kind of jealous of them. Anyway, if you are are a goth enthusiast, a 16-year-old boy who still likes to trick or treat, a girl that wants to dress up like a prostitute, or a lonely old person, I hope you enjoy doing your thing this year and wish you a Happy Halloween.

The Hierarchy of M & M's

2011-10-20T19:34:00.000-07:00

For today's post, I'd like to rank my favorite M & M colors, but before we continue, I'd like to make it clear that Peanut M & M s are superior to plain. I'm pretty sure all the different colors taste the same, but some colors definitely produce a more positive emotional response and make me feel better than others.

I know it sounds kind of racist to judge candy by it's color. I am not that way when it comes to judging people. I want to make it clear that I am not so shallow and judgemental to judge a human being by the color of their skin. I judge them by how attractive they are.

But seriously folks, after years of analyzing and eating M & Ms, I have found the hierarchy to go as follows: green, yellow, brown, orange, red, and finally blue.

Green- these are far superior to all other colors.
Yellow- a close second for this exciting color.
Brown- It's kind of boring looking but is probably the most natural color.
Orange- Remind me of Reece's Pieces, but I guess they're okay for October.
Red- These are just too intense and stress me out. They look like Boston Baked Beans.
Blue- Completely unnatural color for a chocolate candy. I don't mind the artificial colors for the other ones, but I have my limits when it comes to blue food. Even though these are uncalled for, I still eat them.

There is actually another one I forgot to mention which I would rank below blue. My least favorite is actually Eminem the rapper. He always seems angry and has so much attitude. If he could just chill out and relax I might move him up a notch below the red. Somebody needs to give that guy a hug.

Picture of the Month- Oct 2011

2011-10-17T14:28:00.000-07:00

Now that's what I call carving a pumpkin!

The Man Purse

2011-10-14T06:30:00.000-07:00

In an effort to be more involved with recycling, I have decided to re-share a post from 2008. The good news is that I finally broke my man purse habit and have since moved on to using a back pack instead.

For the past ten years I have been carrying around a big black computer bag with me when I go to work each day and whenever I travel out of town. It looks like your standard laptop case with handles and a shoulder strap. The average observer might not think anything of this, but they don't know the whole story.

My secret is that there is no computer in the bag. It is full of color coded folders sorted by topic for things like goals, bills, fitness information, time lines, home repairs, study topics, movie data, business ideas, etc. My bag is really a mobile office. The side pockets contain things like an MP3 player, fingernail clippers, checkbooks, coins, a jump drive, a phone charger, batteries, cell phone, coupons, etc.

So basically I'm admitting that I carry a man purse with me. I'm not proud of this but I can guarantee I carry more stuff with me than most women do in their purses. Last week I even found a small flashlight in my bag. Maybe my need to haul around so much junk stems from seeing too many episodes of Let's Make a Deal when I was younger.

People will occasionally notice my bag and ask why I brought my laptop with me to social settings where they might not expect to see one. Once I explain that there is no computer inside then additional questioning inevitably starts and it goes down hill from there. I feel awkward as I attempt to justify why I would need to haul around all that paperwork with me. I watch the other person's face as they try hard to pretend that this is normal and I'm sure most roll their eyes as they walk off.

Confessing my obsessive bag addiction to others can be awkward, but the greater problem is that I'm so paranoid about protecting it. When I leave home with it I can never just set it down somewhere and come back for it later. I don't dare let it out of my sight since it contains checkbooks, bills, debt charts, blog ideas, and other personal information that I wouldn't want falling into the wrong hands (any hands but mine). Maybe I should transfer it's contents into a brief case and attach it to my wrist with handcuffs since that would be more telling of my relationship with my man purse.

I've seen little kids with their security blankets and my bag kind of acts the same way. I've recently tried finding a mentor who has overcome this addiction but apparently the only other people who suffer from this malady are pushing shopping carts full of garbage around bus stops and freeway underpasses. I have even tried to wean myself from it's constant companionship by downsizing to a smaller attache, but then I realized admitting that I carry a purse is bad enough but calling it an "attache" would only compound my problems. So for now I will feel awkward for carrying excess baggage around with me, but someday when I'm at a party and the power goes out and someone wants to see a timeline I will be prepared and I will be the hero.

Misquoted Lyrics

2011-10-10T07:12:00.000-07:00

Have you ever sung a song only to later learn that you were singing the wrong words? Around Christmas time I sometimes hear little kids singing about "Round John Virgin" while singing Silent Night. Manfred Man has a song called Blinded by the Light. Part of the lyrics are as follows: "revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night". I'm not going to tell you all the different versions of this song I have heard people sing over the years.

Speaking of misquoted lyrics, despite being a great patriotic song, the Star Spangled Banner has also put hundreds of performers to shame. It probably wouldn't be so hard to sing if the lyrics were written by Rebecca Black instead of Francis Scott Key. I imagine it might sound more like this: "Is the flag still there? Oh yah, we so excited..."

Here are some lyrics from songs that can be a little unclear at times. I don't know if it is the fault of the performer or just inattentive listeners, but I've heard the parts of the following songs sung as follows.

"...On a corn dog's winter night"- REO Speedwagon- I can't stop this feeling

"...The Dukes of Hazzard in the classroom"- Pink Floyd- The Wall

"...Don't put the blame on the diet seven up"- Cory Hart-Sunglasses at night

"...Dirty deeds and the dunder chief"- AC/DC- Dirty Deeds

Luckily I don't have much of a singing voice so I don't have to worry about getting caught singing the wrong words to songs unless someone happens to plant a bug in my car. If you can think of any other frequently mis-sung or just misunderstood lyrics, let me know in the comments section.

Tribute to Sales and Marketing

2011-10-05T06:30:00.000-07:00

I suck at sales. I've had several sales related jobs over the years, but I always end up getting "promoted" to a behind the scenes position to deal with details and paperwork and as a result, I make less than the slick salesmen. Maybe it's a case of bitter grapes, but I am sometimes annoyed by salesmen. I'm not trying to bash the entire industry. I know many talented and hard working people who do well in sales.

It just bothers me when they are too aggressive or are selling worthless stuff or things you don't need. I also don't care for many of the over used sales techniques. When I hear a phrase like "what would it take for me to put you in this car today" it just drives me crazy. Below I have listed some of the over used sales tactics I'm sure you've seen on TV or the Internet:

The shocking headline ploy- "How I earned $35,000 in just one week starting with only a bag of paperclips" or "Denver mom makes medical doctors angry with her new discovery"

If they change the font color, maybe that will get our attention. I've noticed this is a favorite tactic of e-book offers.

Maybe font size will catch your attention if the color doesn't.

Wait there's more...- I think Ginsu knives invented this add on technique. Offering two or three widgets for the price of one sometimes backfires and makes me realize how cheap the merchandise really is.

The most insulting is the assumptive close. "Would you like two sets of encyclopedias or just one?" (Gee, when you put it that way, buying one isn't as expensive after all.... I'll guess I'll take one at half the price)

"Act fast, operators are standing by." Some ads feature a count down timer indicating valuable time slipping away. Note: this exact same commercial has been playing for years yet the twenty minute timer has never run out. This technique is a close cousin to the bogus "If you're one of the first 50 callers...."

"Previously only available in Europe." I love this one. It insinuates how slow Americans are to finally catch onto new trends and technology from overseas. Aren't Members Only jackets still in style in Europe?

I'm not advocating that everything should be sold in brown paper bags. I actually find the psychology of marketing to be very fascinating, I just tire of seeing so many of the same old techniques. I know there are some sales associates who have mastered their art and don't have to rely on the above mentioned techniques to close a sale. Instead they use Jedi mind tricks. You are screwed if you come up against one of them.

In case you weren't aware, Chaka's World has a Pay Pal donation button on the side bar. Operators are standing by...

Lady Elaine Fairchilde

2011-10-01T20:29:00.000-07:00

As a little kid I watched shows like Sesame Street, The Electric Company, Zoom, and Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood. My parents must have owned stock in PBS. Anyway, I recently had a suppressed memory surface about one of the characters from Mr. Rogers. I know Fred Rogers is a good guy, but where on earth did he come up with such a freaky puppet as Lady Elaine Fairchilde? Seriously, What on earth?

There were some weird characters on that show. The live actors were almost as strange as the puppets. Mr. McFeely, Handyman Joe Negri, Chef Brocket, and Robert Troll are some names that come to mind from the past. If you are too young to remember those names, then consider yourself blessed. Anyway, back to lady Elaine. She dressed like a Canadian Mountie, was always rude, had an alcoholic nose and looked like she used a hot curling iron to apply blush to her cheeks. She also gave off some vibes that made me unsure of her gender (probably because she was being voiced by a man)

What's my point? I don't know, but I am sure that I am not alone and there are thousands others like me who watched TV in the 70's as kids who are still creeped out to this day by a little puppet lady who was the brain child of Fred Rogers. He may has well have used a little Freddy Kruger puppet instead of her.

Chaka's World Four Year Anniversary

2011-09-28T21:06:00.000-07:00

This week is the 4 year anniversary of Chaka's World. It has been rewarding to see the progress I have made in blogging over the last 4 years. When I started, I was a young and naive blogger with nothing of much substance to share. I have developed over the years where I am now older and cynical, and have even less to impart to readers. To commemorate my meteoric rise and my immeasurable contributions to blogging, I'd like to re-share my ultimate inspirational story from 2008.

Over the years I have heard a variety of motivational stories that are very common in business education, self improvement books, church, job training, and e-mails. I have enjoyed most of them and seeing how I am prone to help others, I think the best service I could do is to consolidate them into one all encompassing ultimate story of Inspiration. If this can't get you moving forward in life than nothing can enlighten or motivate you.

One evening as I was walking down the beach I came across some footsteps in the sand. I followed them for some time then I noticed one set suddenly disappeared. As I looked around to see why, I noticed a boy throwing starfish back into the ocean. I felt bad for his futile attempt to save them. As I approached him to tell him what I thought I heard someone screaming for help. I saw a young man thrashing in the water. I was about to run to help him, but I noticed there was already an old man in a toga pulling his limp body out of the water.

By this time the sun was setting and it was getting dark, so I walked towards a distant lighthouse. I could see an exchange of flickering lights taking place. As I neared the lighthouse I noticed a massive destroyer ship turning 20 degrees and barely missing the lighthouse. I was curious to find out what happened so I approached the lighthouse door and range the bell. I waited several minutes while watching the hound dog on the front porch moan, but nobody answered so I let myself in.

Once inside, I saw a man but he did not notice me because he was so engrossed in his animal experiments. He was heating up frogs in pots of warm water, there were crabs in baskets, flees in glass jars, and out the window I saw a baby elephant that was tied to to a tent peg with a thin rope. I decided to take a closer look at the elephant but by the time I got outside there were three blind men examining its various parts. I decided not to bother them. I needed to get home so I jogged to the nearby train station.

When I got there I noticed police and an ambulance. The train was not running because a worker's body had just been found in the refrigeration car. I decided to take the subway instead. During my commute I kept being distracted by several noisy kids who's father was oblivious to the problems they were causing. When I finally got to my apartment I was shocked to see it was engulfed in flames. My landlord was on top of the roof but he wouldn't take hold of the helicopter ladder. I couldn't hear what he was saying, but he died. I just wish he could have heard me yelling "get up and win the race".

Now it's time to test your knowledge of how many of these motivational stories you recognize by using the chart below. This is the same kind of highly sophisticated model used on Internet articles that help you determine what kind of shape you are in, if you are a good kisser, or what your financial IQ is.

1-3 It's time to start reading something besides Steven King

4-6 Subscribe to more unwanted e-mail group lists

7-10 You must be very positive

11-14 Is that you Zig Zigler?

Things That Bug Me

2011-09-24T17:07:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I find that certain little things bug me. Not that you care, but I thought I'd list some of the smaller things in life that frequently irritate me.

-When people talk about themselves in the third person. Chaka hates it when people do this!

-When people use the word "anywho". It also bothers me when they say they "drive truck" or that a book was "a good read". This is crazy Tarzan talk if you ask me. The only thing that is worse than this is when people say "believe you me" Yoda talk is actually worse than Tarzan talk.

-I hate it when you try to bypass an automated phone recording by pushing 0, but it only starts the recording back from the very beginning again to punish you for that renegade move.

-The ads on websites that start playing loud audio clips while you are trying to read or watch something online. They are usually hidden and hard to find what it producing the obnoxious noise.

-When girls snap and chew gum loudly and roll it around in their mouth for you to see what color it is.

-When someone puts you on speaker phone without permission and you can hardly hear what they are saying and don't know who else is listening.

-People referring to themselves as being a twenty, thirty or forty something... Is the "something" supposed to make it more mysterious or are they only willing to update their profile or tell you how old they are every 10 years? I don't get it.

-When people staple papers straight across the top instead of on a nice slant in the corner that is more conducive to the future natural folding of the pages.

-When guys pull up to an intersection in their car with windows down and they crank their music up super loud to show how great their speakers are, especially when it's rap music with filthy lyrics.

-When a fast food place screws up your order at the drive through and you drive away before checking for accuracy.

-It also bugs me when people whine and complain about stuff like I have been doing since you started reading this post. Sorry.

The Gender of Restaurants

2011-09-20T07:00:00.000-07:00

I was recently speaking with a friend and she commented how Carl's Jr. is obviously a guy's restaurant because they promote big messy burgers and frequently have scantily clad women promoting their food. That got thinking about what gender certain restaurants appeal to. I am not saying people who go to these restaurants are masculine or feminine, but some food chains cater or appeal to a certain gender more than others. Here are some restaurants that came to mind.

Men
Carls Junior
Burger King
Outback Steakhouse
Hooters (going out on a limb with this one)
Tony Romas
Texas Roadhouse

These places are usually packed with guys. Many of restaurants that cater to guys also feature flat screen TV's which are constantly showing sports programs.

Women
Chick Fillet
Subway
Wendys
Panda Express
Sbarro
Mimi's Cafe
The Olive Garden

Mimi's Cafe not only sounds feminine, but it's architecture looks like a cute little house you might see at Disneyland. That's probably not the best draw for a guy's night out, even if the food is good.

I know there are many guys who might prefer a light salad or chicken and there are women who prefer burgers or steak so don't think I'm trying to stereotype all men and women. If you feel that your gender has been threatened from my list, then I apologize. I am not trying to insinuate anything about the patrons of these restaurants or my readers.

I would be interested in knowing if you can think of any other restaurants that jump out to you as catering to more of a male or female clientele.

Panhandling and Begging

2011-09-17T07:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I saw a dirty looking guy on a busy street. He was carrying a styrofoam doggy bag that someone had just given him from a nearby restaurant. He walked down the street a ways, discarded the container on the grass without examining the contents, then pulled out multiple cardboard signs from his back pack, unfolded one and set up shop on the corner soliciting people for financial aid.

I don't usually give to people begging for money because my Spidey senses tell me they usually want the money for booze or drugs. A man once approached me with tears in his eyes asking for $5 since he had starving kids at home and he needed to buy them food. I offered to go to the store with him and get some groceries but he got pissed off at me for calling his bluff and walked away.

On another occasion a guy approached me and said he had not eaten for days and he was homeless. I had not eaten that day and was on my way to lunch. There was a Burger King across the street. I told him I only had $4 on me at the time, which was true, but I was willing to split it with him and we could each get two items off of their dollar menu. He then said with how infrequently he ate, he needed a big meal. He said he wanted to to the Golden Coral since it was an all you can eat buffet. He declined my offer. The phrase "beggars can't be choosers" came to mind.

After having many experiences like these or seeing the same guy in a mall parking lot over the period of a month telling people his car just ran out of gas and he needed $10, I have become more cynical. Cheeseboy recently shared an experience about when people ask him for money because they ran out of gas or because their car broke down, he gives them Monopoly money. When they say "this isn't real" he tells them "neither is your story."

I know I am not supposed to judge the beggar. The scriptures tell us we should "impart of our substance one to another" and that "inasmuch as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me." I just wish it was easier to identify those who are truly in need. I have more empathy for the people clinging to a shopping carts full of garbage or people who literally live on the streets, since they most likely suffer from mental illness and are not there to scam people for money.

There are many panhandlers and con artists who have cried wolf for so long to the public that it has become hard to tell when someone has a legitimate need anymore. I'm sure there are many people who really do need help, so it is sad that so many people muddy the waters and make it hard to tell who is really in need.

Products I'd Endorse

2011-09-12T22:29:00.000-07:00

I'm a small fish in a big pond, so I currently don't have people knocking down the doors of Chaka's World trying to get me to endorse their products. Whenever I'm listening to the radio and hear a celebrity or news anchor sneakily transitions from actual news and launch into a commercial for a mattress, flowers, carpet cleaning, or any other product, it kind of bugs me and actually backfires since I think "You are only promoting that product because they are paying you."

Below, I have listed some products I have enjoyed over the years that I would gladly endorse without getting paid.

Toblerone- If you've read my blog, you know I love Toblerones. They are so unique and delicious. They remind me of Christmas and Europe.

Blue Diamond Smokehouse Almonds- These bad boys are as good as almonds can get. Their intoxicating smell is as almost as good as the taste.

Cream of Wheat- I've trusted this meal since I was a kid. My mom used to tell me stories about the cook on the box when I was little. I could eat 10 pieces of toast as long as I could dip them in my cream of wheat seasoned in brown sugar.

Movies 8- The dollar theater is one of the few industries that hasn't kept up with inflation. Back in the mid 80's it cost $1 to see a movie. Today it still only cost between $1.50-$2.00 depending on the time of the showing and the day. You can't complain about that.

There you have some of the products that I would endorse without being compensated. Before you think I am a pillar of integrity with all my free advertising, I have to admit I would probably be a sellout and promote lead based carcinogenic children's toys if someone paid me enough. Maybe not, but at least I'd stoop to Adsense.

How to Age Gracefully

2011-09-07T15:59:00.000-07:00

I just had my 43rd birthday and can't really complain since I feel pretty good for my age, but I'm still kind of bothered by a couple things. When I look in the mirror, my mind is in denial and doesn't want to accept the reality that things have changed. When I see recent photographs of myself, I am forced to realize that my hair line is receding and I am getting older and heavier.

I recently noticed what appear to be age spots on my skin.What's up with that? I'm slowly getting more gray hair, less hair, and the most alarming symptom...hair redistribution. I started to make old guy noises several years ago. I noticed that I sometimes make grunting noises while doing simple tasks like picking things up off the floor. I am not excited about getting old. I try to take good care of myself. I play basketball regularly with college students half my age. They refer to me as "the old guy". I also try to stay young by being immature and childish whenever I can get away with it.

Some people seem to age gracefully or even defy the aging process. A few names that come to mind are Ellen Barkin, Helen Mirren, Sophia Loren, and Racquel Welch (see photo to the right). I think she is over 70 years old now. I don't know if it's healthy living, lots of money, genetics, or just a good plastic surgeon, but some people don't seem to age as quickly as others.

Why did I label this post "how to age gracefully"? Probably just to get people to read it. I'm sorry I have no idea how to stop time, but I did find some quotes about aging on the Internet that I liked.

A man is not old as long as he is seeking something. ~Jean Rostand

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen. ~Mark Twain

Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. ~Samuel Ullman

Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to. ~Bill Vaughn

You can't turn back the clock. But you can wind it up again. ~Bonnie Prudden

Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving. ~Author Unknown

Sunday Inspirational Quote

2011-09-04T12:01:00.000-07:00

A friend recently shared this variation of footsteps in the sand with me and I liked it so much, I just had to pass it on. Please don't take offense.

Camping

2011-08-30T20:48:00.000-07:00

This week I am headed out to a family reunion. It will be held up in the mountains so it is being referred to as "camping", but technically we are staying in cabins so it is really the cushy version of camping. I am excited about that because I'm not a big fan of camping. This is kind of ironic since I have been a scout master for the last 5 years and average camping out about 16 nights per year.

The biggest problem I have with camping is that I find it to be counter productive. If I had to, I could survive in the wild like Bear Grylls, (minus the looking for every excuse to drink my own pee). I actually love spending time outside and getting away from the stress of the city, but at the same time, there is also a law of diminishing returns. You have to factor in things like squatting behind bushes to go to the bathroom, sleeping on the ground, burning your eyes with campfire smoke while trying to stay warm, and getting bit by mosquitoes. I'll admit that camping isn't so bad if you are prepared and have the proper equipment, but that's beside the point. I just don't enjoy going backwards.

Camping for fun is like undoing that which has already been taken care of. It's like pretending we can't walk and deciding to crawl on our hands and knees instead. I love kitchens, indoor bathrooms, and modern conveniences and think they are just as beautiful as any sunset or forest view. I'm okay with just watching movies that feature the great outdoors from the comfort of my bed as opposed to actually going there.

Some nature enthusiasts reading this might think I'm a party pooper or a wuss, and they are probably right, but there are thousands of women who agree with me about this. Unfortunately they also like shopping, getting facials, and watching the Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants.

After looking around, I was finally able to find another guy who agrees with me. I love Jim Gaffigan.

Picture of the Month August 2011

2011-08-26T17:02:00.000-07:00

Music Band Dynamics

2011-08-24T16:30:00.000-07:00

I am not a musician, but I'd like to share a couple insights and pose some questions about music bands. First of all, why does the lead singer of a band always seem to hog all the fame? I'm talking about all the Paul McCartney types out there who get most of the publicity for the group.

I recently saw a picture of a country music band and there was a guy on stage playing the fiddle. I'm pretty sure it was not Charlie Daniels, but rather some dude who comes out to accompany certain songs and has an occasional solo. It made me wonder how much money he makes compared to the other band members.

Do most bands split the money evenly among the performers? If they do, then groups like Rush must be happy to divide their income by 3 as opposed to Earth Wind and Fire who have to split it 16 ways. Moby is probably pretty stoked to be able to keep his entire check to himself.

This got me thinking about the pecking order when it comes to which instruments or roles are considered most valued in a band. I'm guessing it might be close to how I ranked them below. I apologize that most of my examples are from the 80's. I guess you can tell when I was a teenager.

1) Lead singer prima donnas (Steven Tyler, David Lee Roth, Mick Jagger, Jon Bon Jovi, Bono)
2) Eccentric lead guitarists (Eddie Van Halen, Rick Nielsen, Angus Young, Pete Townsend, Slash)
3) Bass players (Les Claypool, Geddy Lee, Flea, John Entwistle)

4) Drummers (Stewart Copeland, Neil Peart, Tommy Lee, Bun E. Carlos, Charlie Watts)

5) Keyboards (This was a hard one since most famous keyboard guys are solo artists like Elton John, Billy Joel, Chick Corea, and Ray Charles and are not really known for being part of a band.)

6) Miscellaneous (This includes back up singers, tambourine players, saxophones, horns, etc.

Even though drummers fall in the middle of the pack, I think they should earn more than the others since they are usually hidden at the back of the stage and because drums are far more dangerous due to the higher risk of spontaneous combustion associated with that instrument.

Chaka's Chakras

2011-08-21T07:34:00.000-07:00

The concept of energy meridians and chakras in the human body is something I find very interesting. Over the years I have become much more open minded to eastern medicine and alternative medical practices. There is quite a range of practices when it comes to Eastern medicine. On one side of the spectrum there are simple things like massage therapy and essential oils. As you move towards the other end there are practices like energy work, acupuncture, and even full blown witch doctors.

Some people only trust western medicine. Most of us think of x-rays, prescriptions, and surgery when it comes to health care. I will be the first to admit that eastern medicine can be an easy breeding ground for charlatans, but I also think our traditional health care system is frequently guilty of merely treating systems and over medicating people as opposed to focusing on prevention and creating harmony with mind, body, and spirit. (That last part made me sound like a hippy.)

The concept of Chakras is popular in Hinduism and Buddhism and teaches that there are 7 primary energy centers in the body. Each of these centers has an affect on various parts of the body. When these energy centers become blocked, then disease may develop. It's actually more complicated than that, but since I am still writing on a high school level that's the best explanation you will get from me.

I have no doubt that our bodies are composed of energy and everything we interact with is a form of energy, but I wonder how accurate the Chakra energy system is and if there are better systems to explain the intricate interactions of energy in our bodies.

I don't consider myself a new age, mystical kind of guy, but I find the concept of tracking and improving the energy flow of our bodies to be very interesting. I have a lot of questions and concerns about these systems, but if I end up figuring out how this works, then I may have to change the name of my blog to Chakras World.

Role Models for Scientists

2011-08-12T18:11:00.000-07:00

When I was a teenager, I had posters of Dr. J and Michael Jordan all over my room. I wanted to do what they did when I grew up. Oh well... I'm sure others felt the same way about athletes or rock stars who they idolized. It's easy to capture images of athletes or entertainers doing their thing. You see posters or screen savers of Lebron James dunking, Travis Pastrana doing back flips on his motorcycle, Aretha Franklin singing, or Michael Phelps swimming.

I was wondering what kids who are really into science put up on their walls to fire themselves up. If you are an intellectual powerhouse and want to be a scientist or a Nobel Prize winner some day, what do the posters in your room look like? I imagine Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein, and Steven Hawking are popular figures, but how do you capture an image of a scientist at the moment of his peak performance like you do an athlete? Maybe it would be a portrait of a person in deep thought with their index finger pointing to their chin. Perhaps it would be a poster of someone sitting on a distinguished panel of experts at a medical conference waiting to answer a question. I don't know.

While I was looking for pictures of scientists online, I came across this one. I know that there are many beautiful women who are also extremely intelligent, but I have a sneaking suspicion that these two gals were hired for this photo for their looks as opposed to their multiple PHDs. Maybe I'm a sexist, judgemental pig, but my spidey senses tell me they are using all their brain power trying to determine what color the liquid in the test tube is.

I love sports and entertainment, but I am glad there are people who aspire to more noble occupations. They may not get the fame and fortune of the movie stars, but they certainly make the world a better place. So if you are one of those smart people working in a scientific field, my hat is off to you. If you are working on a vaccine to cure the common cold or trying to invent a new energy source, keep it up. One day you may be everyone's hero, but for now I'm sorry your posters suck.

Inflation and other depressing topics

2011-08-06T19:19:00.000-07:00

A couple months ago I heard projections on the news that the cost of food and just about everything else would be going up noticeably this year. After spending time with my wife in the grocery store last week and watching her say "are you serious?" every time she saw the higher prices, I think that time has come.

The good news is that prices haven't gone up on everything. Some packages have just gotten smaller instead. I don't want to be a doom and gloom guy, but this does make me a little worried. Not so much about myself and my family, but more for other people That statement doesn't mean I'm well off or financially prepared, it just means we learned to scrimp and sacrifice a long time ago, but I think some people could be in for some big lifestyle changes and hardships if inflation really took off.

Speaking of depressing stuff, I hate stories about the great depression. They are depressing. Maybe that's why they named it that.

This picture still gets me no matter how many times I've seen it.

As bad as things may get, I don't think people today can make any comparison to the struggles and hardships people went through in the 30's. When I hear people say they can longer afford cable and now have to rely on Redbox for their entertainment or that they had to sell jet skis or a boat because of rough times, it doesn't even register on my pathos scale.

I try to be optimistic about the future, but if things get ugly down the road, I hope we are able to deal with them with resolve and determination while watching out for our fellow man. I also hope we don't become the subject for any John Steinbeck sequels. Sorry if I came across as Debbie Downer in this post. I will be more upbeat on my next one. I might even use color pictures.

My Demands

2011-08-02T12:32:00.000-07:00

Since I am in a bad mood right now and feeling kind of bold, I am going to make some demands. I am not a violent or threatening person, but if I was, and if I had enough leverage to be taken seriously, then these would be my 8 demands for the major world powers.

1. I want a working Tron suit that glows.

2. I want it to be illegal to show credits after the first two minutes of a movie.

3. I'd like a special space shuttle flight for my wife and I on our anniversary. I know NASA said they are done with the program, but it's not like they'd have to start from scratch to schedule just one more trip.

4. Speaking of space, I want Pluto reinstated as a planet and all the smarty pants scientists who demoted it to be brought to justice for their crimes against humanity.

5. I don't want people to be able to graduate from high school if they pronounce the word escape as "EX-cape".

6. I want my own cosmetics line. I don't wear make up, but I like the thought of women all over the world grateful that I helped them supplement their existing beauty.

7. I want someone to help me figure out how to make money blogging. It doesn't have to be much.

8. I want every VHS tape I own to be replaced in DVD format. I don't think I can bring myself to watch anything in VHS quality mode ever again. Was messing with tracking controls real or just a nightmare I seem to remember?

These are my demands. The world only has 48 hours to comply, otherwise I will move on and write another blog post.

Bounty Hunting

2011-07-29T07:57:00.000-07:00

My wife likes romantic movies and BBC productions, so I was shocked when she put Dog The Bounty Hunter in our Netflix queue. We have been watching old episodes at night before going to bed since 22 minutes is the perfect length for TV viewing before falling asleep for old people like us.

After watching this series, I've had my eyes opened up to a new career opportunity. I am also a flamboyant, outgoing, tough guy, who loves confrontation and chasing criminals down...NOT! I'll admit I am not bounty hunter material but I do have some questions about this profession.

First of all, how do you sneak up on criminals while being accompanied by an entire film crew carrying lights, cameras and a boom microphone while dressed like Uncle Sam at a parade? I always thought keeping a low profile might help you in this profession, but apparently that's not a concern for Dog and his crew.

At first when I heard Dog give pep talks to his staff, impart his wisdom to viewers, and counsel criminals, I thought he was kind of full of it, but with time, I have actually grown to like his personality.

As cool as Dog may be, I still think he has to play second fiddle to the greatest bounty hunter of all time.

Gravity Anxiety

2011-07-26T15:33:00.000-07:00

I am not a scientist, but I sometimes speculate about what might happen if the laws of nature were to change. I've seen disaster movies that feature the sun cooking the earth or meteors crashing into the ocean and causing tidal waves, but I can think of a much scarier situation. I am talking about messing with gravity. I have thought of a couple scenarios that concern me.

The first one is gravity getting turned off. This would not be as fun as people think it would be. You would just kind of float around and stuff would be all over the place. On the positive side, you could probably still air swim or burp like in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory to navigate around. The next scenario is much more dangerous.

Gravity reversal. Can you imagine how bad it would be if gravity reversed and sucked everything that wasn't bolted down up into the sky? This would be like when you let go of a helium balloon outside. Animals, peoples, cars, dumpsters, boulders, and many homes would free fall upward into the sky. When gravity finally got reversed again, the earth's surface would be slammed with falling debris. People who were lucky enough to be inside would suffer broken necks or would be crushed by their water beds.

Yes, I really think about this stuff. I doubt this scenario will ever take place but I still worry about it enough to not jog in the dessert or in wide open spaces without telephone poles or trees near by.

Why I Don't Like Twitter

2011-07-24T10:21:00.000-07:00

I don't like Twitter. I will be the first to admit that this is because I still don't understand it. Writing this post makes me feel kind of like I did when I took a test in high school on the book "How Green Was My Valley" after reading only the first few pages. My teacher later made some comments on my test correcting the gender and pronouns I had used in my answers. That was embarrassing, but they had weird names in that book. How was I supposed to know which ones were men women without reading it?

It is in that same spirit of ignorance that I share my feelings about Twitter with you. I know it has been around for years now, but I hate change. I have had many people tell me how important Twitter is and that I should be on it, but I dislike it for the following reasons.

1. It's just too trendy. I'm afraid I'd not hip enough for it yet.
2. You are limited to140 characters, although I admit this could be a good thing at times.
3. Your mini posts are called "Tweets". I will never say or type that word again. I'm an adult...sort of.
4. People only seem to care about your Twitter input if you are a celebrity.
5. I already feel awkward trying to get people to follow my blogs, so trying to get Twitter followers would only make me feel even more desperate and insecure.
6. I still really don't what it is or how it works. Do you have to do Twitter updates from a smart phone or can you use a computer? Is it like mobile blogging?

Besides the six reasons listed above, I just have too many other pressing concerns to deal with before I can worry about Twitter. I'm still trying to figure out what the Internet is. Seriously, I have never seen a picture of it and don't understand how it works, but since it provides me with Youtube videos and blogging, I will not bad mouth it.

What's Your Favorite Comedy?

2011-07-19T12:46:00.000-07:00

I was recently talking to some friends about what movies we thought were the funniest. This made me want to do some research to find out what movies really make people laugh. (Yes, my definition of research is posing a question on my blog)

Feel free to contribute by naming two or three of your favorite comedies in the comments section. Below I have listed some movies that have really made me laugh over the years.

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
Young Frankenstein
The Other Guys
Dr. Strangelove
This is Spinal Tap
Mystery Men
Take the Money and Run
Dumb and Dumber
Ground Hog Day

What movies do you think are the funniest? I'd really like to know.

Picture of the Month- July 2011

2011-07-14T16:59:00.000-07:00

I try not to complain about how hot it is when I'm in the presence of friends from Vegas, Arizona, or Texas, but my air conditioning is broken and I feel kind of like this picture.

The Shoe Shine

2011-07-10T10:23:00.000-07:00

I like it whenever I have shiny polished shoes, but I have a problem with letting others shine them for me. I think it is degrading to make another human being shine your shoes, even if you are paying them for the service.

You will never see me in an airport casually reading a newspaper or thinking about my giant stacks of money as a poor soul feverishly cleans and polishes my footwear.

I don't shine my shoes very often, but when I do, I enjoy the smell of the black Kiwi shoe polish and how a pair of recently polished shoes makes me feel. Speaking of Kiwi, I recently came across this add of theirs below.

Does this insinuate if you rub your shoes like a lamp, a miniature genie dressed in a nightgown will appear?

Maybe this is supposed to be a subliminal message that women really get turned on by a pair of shiny shoes? I think someone in the marketing department needs to look up the definition of subliminal before they do their next ad.

At any rate, now that I understand how important it is, I will be shining my shoes every day!

Battle of the Network Stars

2011-07-07T10:50:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite shows when I was a kid was The Battle of The Network Stars. It was the most exciting event on TV and featured stars from the 3 major networks. Yes, back then there were really only three channels to watch. It aired from 1976 to 1985 and it was a pioneer for reality TV shows.

How could you not like athletic events featuring your favorite TV stars? It's one thing to watch the Olympics, but it's even cooler to see those same events performed by the cast of Happy Days, Welcome Back Kotter, Different Strokes, Charlies Angels, Laverne and Shirley, Chips, Wonder Woman, Little House on the Prairie, WKRP in Cincinnati, Family Ties, and MASH.

What really added validity to the games was the fact that Howard Cosell hosted the event. You have to laugh when you hear Cosell's serious and dramatic narration of the events as he makes people like Ed Asner, Melissa Gilbert, and Billy Crystal seem like elite Olympic athletes. As much as I enjoyed this program, I don't know that I'd like to see it with today's stars. I'd hate to see the cast of Jersey Shore pollute this beautiful event. There was something more innocent and wholesome about the 70's and 80's. It was probably the short shorts.

Here is one of my favorite SCTV skits where they spoofed the event by featuring The Battle of the PBS Stars. The quality is poor, but it is worth watching.

Ice: Playing with Fire

2011-07-03T11:10:00.001-07:00

In honor of the hot 4th of July weather we are having, I thought I'd address the topic of ice. I know it's not a very patriotic subject, but at least it's relevant to this time of year and it's something that needs to be addressed.

I don't drink soda often, but I hate it when I eat out and order a drink and after taking three sips from the straw I'm stuck with a cup full of crushed ice. If I had serious burns or a sprain, I'd opt for the container of ice, but since I buy drinks for the thirst factor, I now go iceless in order to keep from getting the screwgee.

I wish there was a scale for ice in drinks kind of like there is for how many lumps of sugar people take in their coffee. I'm pretty sure I'd be a two cube guy max. I like crushed ice more, but it is harder to measure it and more dangerous to deal with.

Because we've had little kids in or home for so long, we ended up disconnecting our water and ice dispenser after several bad water mess experiences. As a result, we never have ice with drinks during meals. When someone gets a "bonk" or "owee" that requires ice, (yes, those are official medical terms) we usually resort to a frozen bag of vegetables or some other frozen food to cool the injury.

I do like ice, but if you are not specific when ordering a drink it can be like playing Russian roulette (without the possibility of death). I'm pretty sure I'm in the minority, but at least I'm not alone. While researching this subject, I found a Facebook page called "I ordered Coke, not Ice".

Some people are ice dependent and can't enjoy a beverage without filling their glass with ice first. If you are one of those people who love the 80:20 ice to beverage ratio, then I am happy for you because most of the fast food places I've been to are catering to your needs. Have a Happy 4th!

Chaka's World Goes Green

2011-06-28T07:08:00.000-07:00

I don't consider myself to be an environmentalist, but I'd still like to be able to take advantage of the "Going Green" trend like everyone else. In an effort to do my part I am pleased to announce that Chaka's World will be taking the following steps.

1. I will encourage the bagger at the grocery store to put more than one item in each plastic bag. Some days I come home with more bags than grocery items. What's up with that?

2. My posts will no longer be printed out and mailed to followers. Instead I will only do electronic posts.

3. I promise to re-gift presents I don't care for.

4. I will identify the real culprit of waste. It's not Exxon or BP, it's Oriental Trading Company. If you ever want to spend a couple dollars for a thousand party favors or trinkets which will be broken within minutes and littering your home, then it's for you.

5. I will stop wearing disposable diapers.

6. I will not be a hypocritical celebrity or politician who preaches about conserving as they travel around the country in their personal jet or go on tour with dozens of semi trucks full of equipment.

7. I will push for legislation to fine people like Tyson Gay and Usain Bolt who have no idea how to conserve their own energy. I'd like to see them start power walking instead of sprinting all the time.

In case you think I'm an uncaring sarcastic jerk, I do 1) pick up litter all the time 2) pay extra for a recycle bin for my trash, 3) compost organic material and 4) drive my wimpy scooter instead of the car or van whenever possible. I am also trying to be open minded to other simple, practical practices that can conserve energy and avoid waste.

I believe we should be good stewards of the planet we live on, but when people try to assign a carbon footprint to me in an attempt to make me feel guilty for my existence, it kind of reminds me of the selling of indulgences and it makes me want to turn on all the lights and water faucets in my home and let my cars run idle in the driveway. I guess I can't do that sort of thing any longer since I've decided to go green.

Picture of the Month June 2011

2011-06-26T17:15:00.000-07:00

I've been starting to feel this way lately.

The Infamous Ice Cream Truck

2011-06-21T06:57:00.000-07:00

For some reason, I don't ever remember seeing or hearing ice cream trucks come through my neighborhood when I was a kid. Maybe I just wasn't paying attention or perhaps they were driven by ninjas. Anyway, I am a little biased towards mobile ice cream vendors, mostly because of the price. It's kind of like if 7-11 had a truck driving around offering milk and bread for $5 each.

I can't really blame the ice vendors for charging so much for their treats. Many of these vehicles look like armored cars and spend all day driving around neighborhoods so I can only imagine their gas expense they must have to compensate for.

The other day I heard the ice cream jingle coming down our street. My 6 year old ran and grabbed a bottle of coins he had been saving. His older brother stopped him and asked what he was doing. He said "Are you seriously going to go to the ice cream truck?" He was shocked and I could hear the panic in his voice. I thought I had taught him well about frugality and how you can buy a whole bag of popsicles at the store for the same price of a premium ice cream truck treat.

I was then surprised to hear the older brother say in a sincere and concerned voice " You can't go out there or they will kidnap you!" I guess some of my kids have seen Chitty Chitty Bang Bang too many times. I re-assured both of my boys that they would not get kidnapped, but I didn't want them spending their money on expensive ice cream.

I still think that there is something creepy about the ice cream truck and the only thing that could make it worse would be if a clown were driving it.

Father's Day Insights

2011-06-18T23:02:00.000-07:00

Today is Father's Day, so I thought it would be appropriate to share some thoughts on the subject. As a father of 9 kids, I have some experience on the subject (even if that experience is being a lame father much of the time).

I used to wonder why my dad didn't play sports or have more interests in common with me. It wasn't until I had my own kids that I realized how hard it is to live up to the ideal dad image. That's also when I started appreciating the little things my dad did for me over the years like taking me places and buying new shoes for me when they'd get worn out.

I'll admit I do many bad things as a parent. I am impatient and frequently yell at my kids. I'm constantly pointing out messes and mistakes they make. I'm definitely more like Homer Simpson than Ward Cleever. Despite my many shortcomings and the occasions when I act like a jerk, I am always amazed and grateful that my kids still love me. Here is a nice little clip by Louis CK on this subject.

Maybe when I'm gone they won't say I built them a tree house or taught them how to fish, but at least they can say I chased them around the house wearing scary Billy Bob teeth or let them crash in my bed room to watch movies at night. I guess loving your kids can help compensate for many of the shortcomings we have as parents. Happy Father's Day!

Simplification Is The Answer

2011-06-14T06:48:00.000-07:00

I love to simplify things. I hate messes, clutter, unnecessary paperwork and red tape. Few things are more beautiful than something that has been streamlined and simplified. (Think the opposite of a Lady Gaga outfit.) When I used to work in real estate, I enjoyed helping people stage their homes and remove the junk and clutter so the home would be more appealing to buyers.

One of the culprits that makes things more complicated is the fact that people now how hundreds of cable or satellite channels. Why would a person ever need more than 20 channels? Remote controls are also a joke these days. I only need the power, mute, volume, channel and the jump buttons. I hate having so many buttons on them and I hate the fact that I have 4 different controls I have to deal with.

I enjoy the technological advancements of our day, but let's keep things simple. I have so many demands and so little time to reform the world. Speaking of simplicity, I have to include one of my favorite Onion news stories about the Apple Mac Wheel. This has been around a while, but it still makes me laugh. I guess this is one example of how simplifying something too the extreme can make things much more complicated.

Random Friday Thoughts

2011-06-10T09:19:00.000-07:00

Nothing to do with this post, but those are horrible costumes.

Happy Friday. I've decided to address a couple unrelated topics that I've considered doing posts about, but I just don't have enough material or substance to do a post for each one. This way you will only have to read one mediocre post instead of four.

Texting is not my cup of tea. I'm not just saying that because I'm old. I know there is a time and a place for it, but I hate it when someone wants to text, instant message, or e-mail back and forth all day when you could have gotten all the information covered in one short conversation. Besides, I don't ever have to see the letters LOL when I speak with someone face to face or over the phone.

Why can't I see any followers on my blogs? Is this yet another Blogger glitch? I heard they were erasing comments and posts last week. Are they trying to drive people over to WordPress?

Here's a quick quiz. Besides being famous people, what do these 4 people have in common? *(the answer is at the bottom of this post.)

Taylor Swift
Drew Barrymore
Leslie Nielsen
Parker Posey

I love the Google artwork. The guitar strings they have up are pretty cool, so was the Pac-man game, but my favorite one was the Richard Scary tribute last week. It may not be cool for a grown man to admit this, but I think Richard Scary books rock.
* They all have androgynous first names that are more common for the opposite sex.

Evil Twins

2011-06-05T19:22:00.000-07:00

When I see someone for the first time, I frequently try to decide what famous person they look like. I love assigning people their evil twin. This game is especially fun when you are walking with a friend through crowds of people.

As the unsuspecting public walks past, you discreetly say a name of who you think they look like. It is especially gratifying when you both agree on a name. A variation of this is when you see someone who is a combination of two people. There are many more mixes or combinations of people in the general public than pure evil twins.

I've noticed that some people get certain celebrities confused with one another. Here is a list of some people who either look alike or remind me of each other:

Kurt Russell and Patrick Swayze
Jay Leno and Taylor Hicks
Missy Peregrym and Hilary Swank
Mark Walberg and Matt Damon
Woody Harrelson and Lance Armstrong
Gregory Peck and Carey Grant
Seth Green and Jamie Kennedy
LeeLee Sobieski and Helen Hunt
Nicholas Cage and Andy Garcia
Christopher Walken and Jon Voight
Gary Busey and Nick Nolte
Cheryl Crow and Carly Simon
Matthew Broderick and Robert Downey Jr.
Charlie Brown and Phil Collins
Jean Tripplehorn and Marcia Gay Harden
Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz
Owen Wilson and Ellen Degeneres
Colin Hay and Christopher Eccleston
Michael York and Richard Chamberlain
Jack Black and Oliver Platt
Richard Branson and Wolf From American Gladiators
Elvis Costello and The Verizon Guy
Jack Nicholson and Jack Nicklaus (You know you've confused them even though they don't look alike.)

One of my favorite websites that features nothing but evil twins is Totally Looks Like.

Please feel free to offer any of your suggestions that I might add to the list.

What Unites Us?

2011-05-30T10:18:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been thinking about what unites and divides people. I remember back when I owned a Plymouth Grand Voyager. When I'd see another guy driving around town in the same make and model, we'd look at each other with respect and admiration since we were basically a band of minivan brothers.

It's amazing how some simple things like enjoying the same rock band or movie can unite people. Some people feel a common kinship to others because they share the same religion, race, age, graduated from the same school, or are members of the same political party.

I appreciate and can see the value in diversity and individualism, but I also think it would be nice if we could focus more often on our similarities rather than our differences. There is plenty of contention and division in the world today, so if we were more civil and focused on our shared beliefs and similarities, it would be a big improvement to improving unity.

If we are ever tempted to develop an elitist's false sense of superiority because we belong to any particular group, then I think we should at least channel that towards aliens instead of fellow human beings. Speaking of aliens, I believe one thing that could unite mankind would be if we were attacked by aliens. I've seen Independence Day and despite the world wide body count , it could ease tension in the middle east and unite the human race.

Are you a terrorist who hates it when you bite your tongue or the inside of your mouth and you get a canker sore? Me too! I bet we both hate hang nails and stubbing our toes too. Maybe the first step towards developing solidarity for the human race can be accomplished by focusing on the little insignificant experiences we share that make us all human.

We may have completely opposite political ideologies and religious beliefs, but we can still be friends and enjoy each others company. Especially if you want to talk about thing we both love like sunflower seeds, pizza, how great our mothers are, NBA playoffs, clean sheets, movies, getting massages, or having a day off from work.

I still believe that conflict is sometimes necessary and there are principles, beliefs, and preferences that people should not abandon, but that doesn't mean we can't appreciate and respect all members of the human race and focus on our similarities more often.

My Blogs

2011-05-24T10:46:00.000-07:00

Shortly after I started blogging I noticed that there were certain topics that I was passionate about. As a result, I decided to compartmentalize my posts relative to topic matter and over time I have gotten to the point where I now have 4 blogs that focus on different subjects.

As you know, Chaka's World is the flag ship of my vast blogging empire, and is dedicated to all things random. it's kind of like a grab bag or playing Russian roulette since you never know what you will get. Since my other blogs have so few followers, I'd like to give you a brief summary of each blog and link to a couple posts that may interest readers.

The Movie Guy contains my movie reviews and insights. I'll admit that sometimes I get lazy with my reviews, but you might like the following posts.

Rival Movies

Movie Pet Peeves

Movie Quizzes

Morning Hoop is my newest and fastest growing blog and some of my favorite posts are found there, but many readers miss out because they assume it is just a place for dumb jocks to talk about basketball.

I Wore Short Shorts

WWE+ NBA

NBA Evil Twins

My Problem with Jimmer

The All Cave Man Team

Your Fitness Quest focuses on health and fitness and it probably my most beneficial blog, but dealing with one's health turns a lot of people off (kind of listening to Dave Ramsey and facing up to your finances) so it doesn't have the same draw as entertainment sites.

Anyway, I am often saddened that some of my favorite posts never reach much of an audience so I thought I'd share the above posts. Yes, this may be shameless self promotion, but at least I haven't asked my readers for money...yet.

Chaka's Insightful Comparisons

2011-05-20T07:20:00.000-07:00

I think comparisons can be a helpful way to describe something that people may not have experienced for themselves. Here are some comparisons I hope will prove helpful to you.

Captain Crunch does to the roof of your mouth what apricot scrub does to your face.

Dumb and Dumber is to guys what Sleepless in Seattle is to girls.

Dunks are to a basketball game are what smores are to a camp out.

Pop up ads while checking your e-mail are what songs in the Lord of the Rings trilogies are to your reading experience.

Linked In is to Facebook is what The Wall Street Journal is to People Magazine.

Rebecca Black is to talented musicians what Napoleon is to the all time great NBA centers.

Mr. Darcy is to women what Angelina Jolie is to men.

Politicians are to honesty what a hotel min bar is to great deals.

The anxiety a guy feels going to the fabric store is like the dread his wife feels going to a WWE match.

Corn is to your digestive system is what styrofoam is to the landfill.

Chaka's World is to it's readers what meth is to it's users.

Pictures of the Month May 2011

2011-05-16T10:04:00.000-07:00

Monday morning back to work edition

The Technology Detox

2011-05-10T07:17:00.000-07:00

My wife and I recently noticed that our kids were spending too much time on computers and watching videos and not doing their jobs, practicing, or homework like they should, so we got a little extreme. Last week, after they all went to bed, we decided to collect and put away all of the computers and I-pods in our house in an effort to get our kid's attention.

It worked. From their reaction, you would have thought we were suggesting that we cut their hands off. We have great kids and I'm grateful that the worst thing they do is sneak onto the computer to check their Facebook status, or watch YouTube without permission, but we have been slacking for a while and their computer use was getting out of control and we noticed a change in attitudes and their productivity over time.

Within 24 hours the angry and defensive attitudes that accompany video game playing had disappeared. Within a week we went from being the Simpsons to being the Flanders family. I can't believe it took us so long to do this. The best result from this change is seeing brothers and sisters hanging out together, talking to each other, and laughing and playing together. Previously they had plugged into separate computers with headphones as they isolated themselves from the family.

I'm sure we won't keep this up forever, but it has been a big improvement to our family. Our house is much cleaner and the kids are much more productive since they now have to earn computer access as opposed to it being their right. If your kids are isolated, developing bad attitudes, or not getting their work done, then I highly recommend this technology detox diet. Now they just need their dad to do the same thing.

Seafood Sentiments

2011-05-05T08:03:00.000-07:00

I obviously didn't grow up in Washington, Maine, or Louisiana because I never had fish growing up. As a result, I do not care for it. Aside from an occasional tuna sandwich, I have never enjoyed fish or any other creatures that come from the sea. Maybe because they originate from water, which I also dislike.

I know most people imagine the first picture when they think of seafood. I envision the second.

Last week I won a gift card to Red Lobster. I've driven by that restaurant for 10 years and had never considered eating there, but I had some free food coming my way so I was willing to give it a try. I took my wife out to dinner and while we were waiting to be seated, we sat next to the tank of live lobsters.

When I say lobsters, I mean giant grasshopper-alien hybrids that had their claws rubber banded shut. They were on top of each other in piles. The smart ones were burrowed into the corners trying to look small and pretending to be dead. The dumb ones were fighting with each other and trying to look big to scare off their competition and impress the lady lobsters. Those are the ones the hungry people would pick to eat.

Anyway, my wife ended up ordering cream of potato soup and a Cesar salad (she also suffers from fish phobia) and I had the grilled maple chicken with mashed potatoes. These were the only non seafood items on the entire menu. I kind of felt like an idiot, but my food was delicious and I got out of there without having to eat any seafood.

PS-All of you seafood loving enthusiasts can feel free to send me your hateful comments that I am a close minded pathetic soul who has no idea what good food is. I'm sorry but the whole thing is a little too fishy for me.

For Those Who Don't Give Up

2011-05-01T20:39:00.000-07:00

This post is dedicated to those who don't give up. Many people are blown around like dead leaves in the wind, but others stick to their guns despite enormous pressure to give up or give in. Some of the people that fit in this category are Gandhi, Thomas Moore, Thomas Edison, old people who still have record players, and Cheeseboy for still not owning a cell phone.

Sometimes I feel there is a fine line between extreme commitment and determination versus insanity. This concept reminds me of one of Werner Herzog's better films called Aguierre. It is about Spanish explorers in South America and how their leader Aguierre plunges them deep into the jungle as the entire expedition eventually dies off due to his wreckless determination to find the city of gold. In the final disturbing scene, he is the sole survivor floating down the Amazon but still undaunted and making plans to conquer the land.

At what point should people put what seems like impossible dreams on the shelf and move on? I'm guessing it would be kind of hard for a 42-year-old man to walk onto an NBA team, so my dream to play in the NBA is long gone. Maybe I'm still in good enough shape to get a job with the kids who run onto the court to wipe the player's sweat off the floor between plays.

I'm not sure what my point is, but I guess it is that I respect people who work hard towards something even though it appears to be impossible. If you are one of these people, just know that you have my respect, even if 99% of the population thinks you are crazy and tells you it can't be done. Time will tell who was a hero for hanging in their and not giving up on their dreams.

10 Songs I Can't Stand

2011-04-26T07:07:00.000-07:00

Recently my kids showed me Rebecca Black's Friday video. I continue to be amazed at the kind of stuff that can go viral on the Internet. For some reason it got me thinking about lame songs. Below I have listed 10 songs that I really don't like. I don't listen to the radio much these days so most of these are old school 80's stuff. When these songs come on the radio, I change stations with the same intensity and speed that a vampires use to get out of the sunlight.

We built this City- Jefferson Starship
Walk Like an Egyptian- The Bangels
Luka- Suzanne Vega
Suddenly-Billy Ocean
Kokomo- The Beach Boys
Return to Pooh Corner (Christopher Robin song)- Kenny Loggins
Puttin' on the Ritz- Taco
Anything by REO Speedwagon- seriously anything.
The Monster Mash- Bobby "Borris" Picket
Break My Stride- Matthew Williams

I'm not trying to be rude to those artists, but there must be something in my DNA that makes these songs painful to listen to. I would rather listen to Escape (aka the Pina Colada song) by Rupert Holmes than any of those songs.

PS- I know music preferences are very subjective so if I stepped on your toes by naming a song you like, then I hope there are no hard feelings. I happen to like certain songs that others feel are horrible like Love Shack and Rock me Amadeus.

Picture of the Month April 2011

2011-04-24T10:02:00.000-07:00

Happy Easter.

Some Depressing Topics

2011-04-20T07:51:00.000-07:00

There are definitely some things that can promote depression aside from running out of money half way through the month. Here is a list of depressing topics I recommend people avoid. Staying away from these things can keep you from curling up in the fetal position in a catatonic state.

Charlie Brown Specials-Charles Shulz had a gift for creating depressing characters. Demoralized, dejected, pessimistic, bullied, balding characters should not be what comes to mind when you think of kids cartoons. Charlie Brown makes Ziggy look like Robin Williams. Good grief!

Rainy days and Monday- These always get me down (along with any other Carpenters song). I'll admit that Karen Carpenter had a nice voice, but whenever I hear a Carpenters song it makes me sad and depressed for some reason.

Radiation exposure- Chernobyl, Japan, nuclear testing in the 50's, or anything like that scares me. Invisible radiation particles that cause you to lose hair and bleed out your ears before you die is very depressing.

Iron Lungs- I know these are a thing of the past, but when I was a kid and came across the picture below, I nearly died of depression. This is a hospital ward full of kids confined to these machines during the polio outbreaks.

Artsy foreign films- Many foreign films can be depressing, especially the French movie with the kid chasing the red balloon. Ingmar Bergman also has a gift for putting you in a tail spin of depression. Does Castaway count as a foreign film?

Sorry for being Debbie Downer on this post. I'm sure I missed some depressing things so feel free to share what gets you down.

The Tattoo Trend

2011-04-17T15:53:00.000-07:00

A current NBA player

I was recently watching some old NBA all star games I had recorded back in the late 80's and early 90's. Aside from the short shorts, one thing really jumped out at me. I could not see one tattoo on the court. These games featured the best players in the league and up until 1992 I could not see any players with visible tattoos.

Contrast that with today. It's rare to find a professional athlete or an Olympian who does not have at least one tattoo. I can understand if you are a member of an Aboriginal tribe and it's part of your culture, but I just don't get the appeal it has to so many people to draw on their bodies.

I think it would be interesting if tattoos were hereditary. Can you imagine a guy with a dragon on his back and his wife has a butterfly on her ankle. When they'd have a kid, he'd be born with a dragonfly on his butt. I'll bet if you passed tattoos onto your kids, people would use a little more caution.

I've never been tempted to permanently ink anything onto my milky white albino flesh. Probably because I've just never seen anything that I thought was so cool that I needed to have it attached to me forever. I thought I'd include one of my favorite SNL clips that addresses this topic.

Childhood TV Memories

2011-04-12T06:48:00.000-07:00

As a kid, I watched a lot of TV. I would never let my kids watch as much as television as I did. I've seen every episode of Gilligan's Island and MASH multiple times. To this day, I still associate certain shows with days of the week. For example Wednesday was Charlies Angels, Thursday was Magnum PI, and Friday was the Incredible Hulk and Dukes of Hazzard.

Saturday was a really busy TV day. I'd usually start by watching the Superfriends or Fat Albert in the morning, but in the afternoon there wasn't much to choose from. The only options were American Band Stand, Soul Train, This Old House, or the painter dude with the Afro. This was always a safe time to step away from the TV and actually do something.

The early evening featured scandalous Solid Gold. If you flipped channels your options were Lawrence Welk or Hee Haw. I'd be embarrassed if I was caught watching any of them. At night, Starsky and Hutch, Battlestar Galactica, Chips, The Love Boat, Hart to Hart, and Fantasy Island were possible viewing options.

At bedtime, If I tried to escape the boring 10 o clock news by turning the channel it would take me to Dr. Who! I never watched Dr. Who for more than a few minutes back then. I used to make fun of it since the old episode's special effects and costumes consisted of tin foil, pipe cleaners, Legos, and yarn. I'd like to compliment the BBC for finally getting a budget. I've seen some recent episodes and they have better special effects and are actually pretty good.

Anyway, my childhood consisted of a steady diet of whatever crap happened to be on TV. Luckily I was able to break the cycle and escape like the rare kid who is able to get out of a deadly gang. It's a miracle I turned out to be so amazing.

Hoarders

2011-04-08T07:06:00.000-07:00

I'm usually a couple years behind when it comes to television entertainment. I don't have any TV reception, so I watch certain TV shows on Netflix a season late. Over the years I've watched shows like 24, The Office, Lost, and recently I decided to give Hoarders a shot.

Hoarders is a show on the A and E channel. It highlights the lives of people who are obsessed with collecting obscene amounts of "stuff" at the expense of their health, sanity, and well being. At first glance when I saw these people I wanted to simply label them as slobs who can't tell the difference between useful belongings and total crap. At one point I found myself screaming at the TV as I watched these people trying to justify keeping mounds of rotting garbage in their home or choosing eviction or losing the custody of their kids as opposed to getting rid of their junk.

The people they feature are pack rats on steroids. It doesn't take long to realize that hoarding is not just a matter of poor judgement, but rather a mental disorder. If you haven't seen an episode, you should check one out. It's pretty depressing, but it will help you put things in perspective and realize that what you call a "pig pen" at your house is probably not as big of a deal as you think it is.

I love the feeling I get when I de-junk, give stuff away and clean. There is something so refreshing and liberating about getting rid of clutter. I just wish these people could experience that too. Now what I'd really like to see would be a show called "Chuckers" about people who are obsessed with getting rid of all their stuff who secretly throw away all of their belongings.

Family Code Words

2011-04-06T12:33:00.000-07:00

I've noticed that some areas of the United States have different dialects, accents or words they use which are unique to that area. Distinctive accents from Boston, Georgia, Wisconsin, and Texas come to mind. I've also noticed that Utahns like to use the silent T which is ironic since they have such nice mountains, yet they pronounce them Mow-uns. In a similar vein, families sometimes have special substitute words in their vocabulary. I refer to these code words.

Some kids have been taught a family code word for safety purposes and emergencies so they know who to trust. The kind of words I'm talking about are ones that have a particular meaning specifically for your family or friends. They are kind of like an inside joke. I find these come in handy when you want to say something without really saying it. Below I've listed some words my family and some friends have used over the years. Some are the result of a little kid not being able to pronounce a word properly and others are just using a replacement word instead.

Note = milk
Beezoop = bathroom
Apple yah = Apple sauce
Scraps = bra
Chont = trunk
Vibrato = flatulence
Chi-shi = chicken poop

What are some of your family code words? Try to keep them clean please.

Coupons

2011-04-03T10:11:00.000-07:00

First of all I'd like to thank all the new A-Z visitors who have come by Chaka's World. I have already screwed up with the challenge and know I won't be posting every day, but today's topic of coupons just happens to start with the letter C.

Sometimes there is a stigma that can accompany coupons. This is especially true if you use them on a date. I guess it's probably a good thing to see a guy use coupons on a date because then his date will know he is cheap up front instead of having to find out after they get married. On a side note, I once heard that the best candidates for getting ripped off are young guys on dates. If they don't get a dollar back or if they get incorrect change, they probably wouldn't make a scene or argue about it in front of their date.

I have never been a big coupon enthusiast. I used to make fun of people who would spend time cutting out coupons and then drive all over town to buy an item on sale. That was before a friend of mine showed me how much money she had saved over the last year by using coupons. I was shocked when she showed me the system she uses to save thousands of dollars by playing the coupon game.

I had no idea there was so much free money out there offered by stores and manufacturers for those who are willing to cut out a paper or enter a promotion code. I've actually seen some hard core coupon shoppers at the store not only get stuff for free, but actually get paid money back while shopping!

Thanks to coupons, I occasionally buy fancy expensive razors instead of the single blade cheap disposable razors. A couple months ago I bought $75.00 worth of frozen Marie Calendars pies and Breyers ice cream for $19.00.

As much as I enjoy saving money, I recently quit taking the weekend newspaper since it is messy and I hate the clutter and time it takes to go through ads to look for coupons. Even though I hate the hassle of coupons and jumping through hoops, I may start using them again if food prices go up as they are expected to in the next several months.

White Crayons???

2011-03-30T07:21:00.000-07:00

Let me get straight to the point. I think white crayons are useless! I am not a crayon expert, but the only time I have ever seen them used was back in grade school when kids did Halloween art projects and drew ghosts on the black construction paper. Aside from that one scenario, I think they are just a waste.

I suppose if someone was going to kill me and I wanted to leave a secret message that the murderer wouldn't notice, I could always use a white crayon to write who my murderer was. Then when the CSI guys came to the crime scene with their ultraviolet lights, they might be able to read the message, but I'd rather not focus on such a far fetched scenario to try and find a good use for white crayons.

Putting a white crayon in the crayon box is kind of like buying a dozen donuts and then realizing that one of them is actually an onion flavored bagel. In case that great analogy didn't work, imagine buying a bag of otter pops and then you notice one has no juice in it, but is just filled with air. I think I've made my point with these two powerful and persuasive images.

I'm going to start a new trend. When you are looking for a descriptive phrase like as "clean as a whistle" or "as cute as a june bug", (both of which are horrible I might add), I suggest you start using the phrase "as worthless as a white crayon". I'm pretty sure it will catch on.

I just hope the people at Crayola don't put a price on my head after reading this post. In case something does happen to me, I know how to secretly tell the police who was responsible.

Picture of the Month March 2011

2011-03-27T15:16:00.000-07:00

OUCH !! Give me a couple weeks to think of a witty comeback.

Things I Struggle With

2011-03-23T08:22:00.000-07:00

I am humble enough to admit that I have weaknesses. In fact I'm actually proud of how bad I am at some things. Where to start? Here are three areas where I admit I am completely incompetent. These topics are often a source of great frustration for me.

1. Higher math- I'm actually great at doing math in my head. If it's basic math I feel confident with my abilities and would even challenge Rain Man to a duel, but once you throw letters or fractions into the equation, I can no longer relate. When I got to Jr. High and they started doing algebra and calculus, math became very intimidating and I always felt confused by it. Luckily, I have not had the need to do "tricky math" since high school.

2. Science- When people start talking in depth about science, my mind closes faster than the automatic doors on the Star Trek Enterprise. I like to have things simplified not complicated. I can appreciate scientific principles and I like large things like the sun and the planets but I hate it when people take things the opposite direction. I don't like microscopic stuff like electrons, atoms, the Krebs cycle, chemical equations, etc. I'm content with folklore and superstition to explain eclipses and bad weather because it's so much easier.

3. Mechanical Repairs- I'm good at yard work, painting, and cleaning, but if a home repair involves electrical, plumbing, or moving parts, then I'm screwed. The same thing goes for automobile repairs. I can not believe how many things are broken at my house right now. Some include the garage door opener, dishwasher, disposal, broken faucets, furnace fan, leaky sprinkler valve, broken blinds, and a dryer that takes several hours to dry a load of laundry. I guess all of these problems can be solved with money... which reminds me of another frustrating topic.

Recently I have been talking with my 16 year old who is a life scout. He finished all of his merit badges needs to get his Eagle nearly 3 years. All he has left is the Eagle project and the paperwork and the details behind it are killing him. I've been critical of his lack of enthusiasm until recently when I realized he is going through the same thing in his mind that I do when it comes to an appliances breaking and home repairs. What might be a simple task for one person, is another man's mental Everest.

Chaka's World Interview

2011-03-20T15:48:00.000-07:00

I recently had the privilege of being interviewed. You can see the short clip below.

Count Your Blessings

2011-03-14T07:48:00.000-07:00

This past week I was saddened to see that Japan had been hit by a severe earthquake and tsunami. As if they haven't experienced enough tragedy, now they have nuclear reactors which are overheating and threatening to spread radiation. This is a worse scenario than any sort of disaster movie Hollywood could come up with. If things haven't been bad enough, I learned that they've also just had a volcano erupt yesterday too. What's next, a hurricane?

All the disaster and suffering going on in Japan is tragic, but it is also said that it is so easy for me to decide to remove myself emotionally from this situation. I've got my own problems to worry about. I lost an hour of sleep yesterday! I just have to get through a day of work and then go home and have dinner and then decide what to watch on Netflix before I fall asleep in a warm bed. My problems don't seem so bad when they are compared to real problems.

It's easy to pretend this is just something that is happening to unfortunate people who live in a far away country. Today's technology reports news faster and makes the world a smaller place. It helps me realize that something like this could easily happen to our country too.

We might think there is nothing we can do to help relieve the suffering of people on the other side of the world, but we can help. Here's a link to the Red Cross. They are one of the more reputable charitable organizations who assist with local, national, and world wide disaster relief efforts. Doing something as simple as making a donation to the relief efforts in that part of the world can make life a little better for someone who is suffering right now.

Technology Predictions

2011-03-09T07:55:00.000-08:00

When I was a little kid I grew up watching Star Trek and fully expected to have teleporting technology and food making microwaves by the time I was an adult. No luck with those yet, but my biggest disappointment is that we still don't have flying cars.

Don't tell me flying cars exist and we already have the technology for them. I've seen tons of magazine and newspaper articles claiming they already exist on a prototype basis, but just aren't mass produced yet. Well, until I see a car flying around in the air with my own eyes, I call BS on your newspaper article.

Despite my let down for flying cars, I have been impressed with other advances in technology. In 30 years we've gone from big tape players to smaller Walkmans to CD players to tiny MP3 players. This got me thinking about technology and I'd like to share three of my future technological predictions.

Implants- Not the kind you are probably imagining, although I'm sure those will only get more popular too. I'm referring to implanting small computer devices behind some one's ear that will give them access to cell phone coverage and anything else a smart phone can currently do. People could take pictures with their eyes and save it to the hard drive implant device and access it on a computer later.

Bionics- I think in the future, prosthetic and bionic body parts will improve and be more affordable for those who need them. They will also start making them in a quieter version that are not so noisy when you jump.

War- I hate to be Debbie Downer, but I've seen Terminator, The Matrix, and other movies that have warned us of the inevitable battle between humans and machines so I know what's in store. As we look to the future, we should get excited for the great advancements in technology that will either make our lives easier, or completely destroy the human race and bring us into bondage. Yes, your grandmother's instincts were right when she felt uncomfortable around the first personal computer she ever saw.

Is Hotmail Trying to Get Rid of Me?

2011-03-06T08:46:00.000-08:00

I've been with Hotmail for a long time and have continued using it despite everyone I know telling me how much better Gmail is. I prefer to paint myself as being loyal as opposed to being too lazy to change. Over the past several weeks, I have been pushed and tested and am so close to making the change.

I've been getting stupid pop up video commercials and obnoxious ads when I check my mail. I don't mind having ads on my e-mail page, but when they are offensive or noisy I think it is going too far. These ads are loud and obnoxious and I don't have a way to disable them. When I click on the ad feedback button, I get a message that says I can upgrade to a premium version of Hotmail that doesn't have ads. We were doing well for so many years, why incorporate ads with loud audio now when I check my e-mail? I am not going to pay for an e-mail provider, so I think their plan to get more money out of their users is going to backfire.

My wife made the switch last week because each time she checked her e-mail she was getting ads featuring skankky Russian women who wanted to chat live. I was surprised to hear this since I thought I was the only person that young buxom Russian mail order brides wanted to talk to. My least favorite ad they've been playing is for Mucinex. When the video starts, it makes the sound of a congested woman moaning. My first reaction when I hear this is to quickly invite family members to come see that this is a mucous commercial and not some kind of pornographic video.

Has anyone else encountered this? Please don't respond if you are a Mac person because I know you guys never have problems with your computers like hacking in, viruses, or pop ups and I really don't need you to rub it in by telling me how perfect your computer experiences are.

Is Blogging Dead?

2011-03-02T16:15:00.000-08:00

Since I updated my old ugly blog design to this new ugly one, I have noticed a big time decrease in traffic. The day I made the change, there was an 80% decrease in visitor traffic and my reports have nearly flat lined since then. I can't tell if this is some error in the tracking code or if it doesn't like the new blog template or if everyone is really that put off by the new look of Chaka's World.

I'd be interested to know if any of you have noticed any changes in the last couple of weeks? Is anybody still there?

This whole situation has made me a little paranoid and got me wondering if blogging is becoming outdated and it not that cool anymore. Are blogs being replaced by Facebook and Twitter? Some people might think other forms of social media are more hip and quicker to update. Who needs speed? I actually enjoy creating all of my posts with movable type.

Even if blogging is going the way of VHS tapes and dinosaurs, I still think it is cool and I will keep doing it for therapeutic reasons even if nobody else can see it.

Facebook Pet Peeves

2011-02-28T09:58:00.000-08:00

Last night I watched The Social Network. Facebook may have had a movie made about it, but that's not such a big deal. You don't really arrive until you have a post dedicated to you on Chaka's World. You can find my official review of the movie at The Movie Guy.

I like Facebook because to me it's like a giant online Rolodex that gives me access to most people I know. I still have about 4 friends who are holding out on it and refuse to join for some reason. Maybe because they don't want to be rounded up and sent to the government prison camps. (You thought FB was just a social media program?) Anyway, as much as I like Facebook, I have some pet peeves about it which I will share below.

Chat- It may be handy at times, but usually I find myself being asked "What's up?" by people who don't really have anything to say. I hate being interrupted and feeling obligated to carry on a superficial conversation.

Poking- Whoever came up with this feature should be punished. The annoying cousins of poking are having virtual snowballs or pillows fights.

Games- I hate getting invitations for games involving vampires, farmers, mafia, zombies, fairies, etc. I already waste enough time online as it is.

Excessive Updates- We don't need to know what you eat every meal or any details about the frequency of your bowel movements. If you need to report every single detail about your life get a Twitter account.

Being Tagged in Photos- Occasionally someone might post a nice photo of you, but I frequently see people tagged in embarrassing high school date pictures or old poor quality photos.

The Hacking Threat- I fell for a message that my cousin sent me about a funny picture of me she had posted. Someone had hacked her account and I was dumb enough to click on the link and as a result, my account was sending out similar stuff to my contacts the next day.

Despite these annoying items, most of my friends make Facebook an entertaining experience. I appreciate those who post meaningful, witty, or entertaining stuff. Facebook may be a site that gives us a false sense of friendship where we practice superficial social skills, but it I still like it...sometimes.

My Career as a Drummer

2011-02-23T06:45:00.000-08:00

Last year my son came home with a drum set. He said he bought them from a friend for $100. At first I was concerned about the noise they'd make and pretended that I didn't approve, but then I remembered how I have always wanted to play the drums since I was a little kid so I was secretly excited.

I wanted to play the drums in Jr. High, but my mom was smart. She bought me some drum sticks and a leather drum pad and told me if I could practice consistently, then she would look at getting me a drum kit. Practicing rhythm drills on a leather pad is not fun so she never ended up having to fork out money for them.

I was going to be a famous drummer like Neil Peart, Buddie Rich, the little drummer boy, or Animal, but I never ended up launching my massively successful drumming career. I still think drums are the coolest instrument (if you don't count the tuba, piccolo, or bassoon.) Sorry for the sarcastic slam if any of you play those instruments.

We've had the drum set for over a year now and I still don't have the will to practice or get good because whenever I try playing them, my kids just roll their eyes. You know you have no rhythm when your 4 year old girl shakes her head and walks out of the room while you are demonstrating your skills.

The drums were recently given away again and continued their circle of life where they will bless the life of another family who will tinker with them several months before they pass them on to someone else like Amish friendship bread.

Fortune Cookies

2011-02-20T13:35:00.000-08:00

I have mixed feelings when it comes to fortune cookies.

First of all, to my Chinese friends, is a hard cookie really the best dessert you could come up with? I love Chinese food, but anytime I go to a Chinese buffet they only have weird desserts like cookies, pudding, pear slices, or jello. Come on! You guys invented paper, printing, the compass, gun powder, etc. I know you can do better than a dessert that makes you feel like you are eating a dog biscuit.

One the positive side, fortune cookies do have more mystique and mystery surrounding them than most other desserts. I'm sure no one takes time to reflect and contemplates future life choices when they eat a donut and I doubt eating an ice cream cone makes one ponder your destiny either.

By the time I finish eating delicious Chinese cuisine, I am loaded up on sodium and MSG and I could use some good old fashioned sugar to balance out my diet. Isn't that what yin and the yang is all about? So couldn't you offer some better dessert or at least put some frosting on the fortune cookie? Now that I think about it, I wouldn't have any problem pulling soggy fortune papers out of banana cream pie if you put that on the menu.

Hair Cutting Insights

2011-02-15T07:28:00.000-08:00

I consider myself an expert on haircuts because I've been getting them for a long time. I also frequently cut my own hair and I've been cutting my 7 boys hair for over 15 years. I'm sure all the women who have licenses from hair academies and salons would frown on my skills since I'm limited to an electric razor, but I probably have as much chair time as many young new hair stylists. Now that I've professed my expertise, I thought I'd share a few of my haircutting insights.

The barber pole- This is something you don't see as often these days. Maybe because it's origin is from medieval times and the red stripes represent bloody bandages wrapped around the pole since many barbers were involved in surgeries and blood letting.

Some advice- Be careful when you use the phrase "finger tight on top." This length can be vary greatly depending on your stylist. I once requested this from a large Polynesian woman with big fingers, but I could hardly tell my hair had been cut when she was done.

Vacuums- Don't look down upon a hair cutting establishment if they use vacuums to clean off your shirt and hair after. I like to have my hair vacuumed. I don't care how fancy a salon is, if they don't vacuum your head after, you are getting jipped.

The neck shave- This is the best part of a haircut. I love trimming up the scruffy peach fuzz and giving someone a clean cut look.

Least favorite part- Being asked if you want your eyebrows trimmed. When someone asks you that, it is worse than being called sir for the first time. It means you are getting old. at least I haven't had anyone ask if they could trim the hair coming out of my ears yet.

After reviewing several of my recent posts, I just noticed a trend. I've recently confessed that I'm not really into the NFL, I'm bad at home repairs, I'm scared of insects and snakes, and I cut hair. Some people might jump to conclusions but I'd like to make it clear that I am still a very manly man. Now if you excuse me, I have to go work on my next post which is on the topic of the ten most fabulous figure skating ensembles of all time.

Picture of the Month Feb 2011

2011-02-13T09:19:00.000-08:00

And I thought Sumo wrestlers could only do this on Clydesdales.

My Latest Money Making Ideas

2011-02-08T07:16:00.000-08:00

Every so often I come up with new ideas about how to make money. Some past ideas included the sand registry and personalized number combinations. You can't keep a good mind down and mine has been running full speed churning out the following ideas.

The other day while listening to the radio, the song Renegade by Styx came on. I remembered how I was going to do a remake of the song a couple years ago but instead of saying Oh Mama..., I'd change the words to "Obama" and make a clever political song out of it. I'm sure it would go viral so I pretty much have that in the hopper to fall back on if I ever get around to it.

I've also considered solving mysteries or being a bounty hunter. I've seen many shows like CSI and X files where they regularly solve cases in less than an hour. I don't get what the big deal is and why real life investigators take so long. I think I may give this a shot because there is some serious reward money out there. Consider this your warning Bin Laden!

My crown jewel idea is the hot chocolate suit. I've been working on this idea for over 20 years. It's kind of like a camelbak, but an entire jump suit would be lined with a bladder that you could fill with hot chocolate or other warm beverage. You would just pop a straw out of the shoulder area during a game or camp out and enjoy your drink, while the liquid keeps your body warm. The deluxe version would have a catheter feature and an additional lining reservoir so you'd stay warm even longer and wouldn't have to miss any of the game.

With all these great ideas I just can't figure out why I'm not rich yet. I'm actually more of a thinker and less of a doer, so if you end up stealing these ideas and running with them, please be kind enough to include me on some of the residuals.

Super Bowl Hype

2011-02-03T07:47:00.000-08:00

I have a confession to make. I don't ever watch the Superbowl. The last time I watched the entire game was when the Chicago Bears won in 1986. That was the era of Jim McMahon, Walter Payton, Refrigerator Perry, and the Superbowl shuffle. I'm pretty sure the mid 80's was the zenith of civilization so I don't feel like I've missed much since then.

I still enjoy watching the funny commercials and I love watching the highlights, but I really don't feel like I'm missing anything by just catching the highlights of the game that night and seeing the best commercials on YouTube the next day. Maybe my apathy is made worse since I don't have a professional football team in my state.

When I go to the store this time of year and see all the displays, I feel like I'm missing out on something. It's the food. There is a definitely pigfest that takes place on Super Bowl Sunday. I could totally get into the Super Bowl if I had friends who invited me over to watch it on a big screen TV and eat all kinds of good food. I'm sure it would be a great party, but they would probably catch on that I was just a poser when they realized I didn't have any NFL licensed apparel or when they noticed I didn't really care which team won.

Don't get me wrong. I love football, but I think college football is much more exciting. I just have a hard time spending so much time watching a game. My favorite team used to be the Houston Oilers back when Earl Campbell played for them. I guess it's been a while since I've really followed the NFL.

For all of you football enthusiasts, I hope you enjoy the food and the game as well as the several days of pre- and post game hype. I just found out today who is playing. I think the Packers are going to have a hard time with the Steelers. It's gonna be hard to beat Terry Bradshaw and Lynn Swan!

My Special World is Cooler Than Narnia

2011-02-01T07:10:00.000-08:00

The other day the sun was setting and it illuminated a patch on the ceiling that I had never noticed before. I went over and touched it and thought to myself, "this could be my special escape hatch into a fantasy world." It wasn't, but if it would have been, then I can guarantee it would be way cooler than Narnia and might go something like this....

First of all instead of a closet, I'd climb up into the ceiling, but when I came out on the other side I'd be in a forest that smelled like fresh pizza. Instead of Mr. Tumnus I'd encounter a half man and half kitten named Mr. Coolness.

He'd tell me that the kingdom was once run by King Gogofet who was a family man who was very just with his subjects, but after his death, the evil queen Shanistra who was out of touch with her subjects took control of the kingdom. She had a pet dragon in the her dungeon which was a man eater and she'd feed her disobedient subjects to it.

He'd then tell me that the queen had many creatures and spies who act as private eyes for her and that we needed to go to a safe haven. Once there, he tells me about princess Sara. She is a rich girl and you'd think she'd be happy, but she's been under a spell from the evil queen and is unable to laugh. In fact there is a reward for anyone who might be able to make Sara smile.

Just then the queen's guards broke in and I was so close to escaping but was finally captured and taken to the castle. She tells me that I must fight her to the death. I said I can't go for that and I don't fight women. She then laughs and says I can fight her dragon instead. I am then forced to do battle one on one against the dragon. She was shocked when I used my magical harp and defeated the dragon easily, what really made her furious was how fast I slayed it. I did it in a minute. Upon seeing the queen get so angry, Princess Sarah giggled and said "You make my dreams come true."

There you have it. In my fantasy world there would be non stop subliminal references to Hall and Oates songs. How many did you recognize?

Snakes "The Epitome of Evil"

2011-01-24T14:55:00.000-08:00

I'll get straight to the point. I hate snakes. They make up one third of the 3 S's (sharks, scorpions, and snakes) which form the axis of evil in the animal kingdom. A snake is nothing more than a fanged muscle. If that isn't disturbing enough, many of these monsters are made in a poisonous version too. The only thing that could make them worse would be if they could fly.

When I originally saw the photo below, I was told that this snake nest was found in Utah, but I've since seen other reports claiming it was taken in Wyoming, and other places, and I really don't care where this happened or even if it is photo shopped. It has done it's damage and I will never be the same. Can you imagine flying over a sand dune on an ATV and landing in that?

Occasionally I have nightmares where I am running across the desert and everywhere I go there are snakes. I'm literally running, jumping, and hopping like crazy trying to avoid them, but it does no good since the entire ground is covered like the above picture in every direction.

There may be some ~~lunatics~~ reptile enthusiasts out there who say snakes are just misunderstood and will leave people alone unless provoked. Others might say they serve a purpose in the food chain and keep rats and mice from getting out of control. There may be some truth to that, but I still get chills thinking about them even if they are faithfully fulfilling their civic duties.

You might think I am a wuss because I'm afraid of snakes, but at least I am in good company with Indiana Jones and thousands of housewives around the world.

Plastic Surgery Warnings

2011-01-18T21:46:00.000-08:00

I'd like to pre"face" this post by saying I think cosmetic and reconstructive surgery can be a great blessing for many people who have been disfigured by accidents, disease, or birth defects. When I broke a bone in my face, a plastic surgeon repaired a nerve under my eye, so I guess I have benefited from it too.

Cosmetic surgery may also help some people feel more confident, but usually when we think about this topic, we think of ~~Michael Jackson~~ celebrities and ~~Joan Rivers~~ surgery addicts. Most procedures today are obviously done out of vanity rather than necessity.

Years ago I read the book Psychocybernetics by Maxwell Maltz. He was a plastic surgeon who made some interesting observations after years of practice. He found that some of his patients had increased confidence and better self esteem after surgery but many others did not. He concluded that more important than one's appearance is how people really feel about themselves. I'm sure there are many beautiful yet insecure people roaming the earth.

As cosmetic procedures become more popular, it's only a matter of time until you see plastic surgery offered at Costco or at the mall. One trend that worries me is how so many very young people are opting for cosmetic procedures. I've heard some people say how pleased they are with their surgery while others have expressed regret. It's obviously a good idea to get all the facts and do your homework before submitting to any surgical procedure, especially an elective one that you may not need.

I'm not here to judge people or to say when someone should have plastic surgery or what procedures are appropriate, but I will say this: If you are an attractive person, then please don't mess with your face! Yes, I'm talking to you Kenny Rogers, Bruce Jenner, Meg Ryan, Micky Rourke, and Priscilla Presley. It's always sad to see someone look a bit odd or strange after a botched procedure.

To summarize my thoughts on this subject, if you are already a good looking person but you still feel insecure and think you could use some cosmetic surgery, just don't do it, or something like this could happen.

I can see how some people might give into the temptation to undergo a procedure in order to make their body more attractive. When I went in for elbow surgery last year, I asked the surgeon to raise some of the skin on my elbow so it would look like Harrison Ford's elbow. He did a great job, but I seldom get any compliments. I'm thinking I should have asked for Hugh Jackman's elbow look instead.

Picture of the Month Jan 2011

2011-01-14T09:05:00.000-08:00

I 've been struggling with a topic for today, so I'll just refer you to "Movies I probably won't see." Otherwise, you'll have to settle for my picture of the month.

I hadn't seen this one before, but I'm scared of heights and it caught my attention. I don't care if pictures are photo-shopped these days as long as they are entertaining and thought provoking. The exception would be photo's of me committing crimes.

Words of Intimidation

2011-01-10T15:26:00.000-08:00

What an "adorable" arrangement

I recently realized that there are certain words I feel uncomfortable using. I'm not talking about the typical four letter words that are looked down upon by society. I'm talking about nice words that have a pleasant sound to them, but I hesitate to use them because they sound way too feminine.

Here are the culprit adjectives I can't bring myself to say:

Delightful

Adorable

Splendid
Heavenly
Lovely
Sublime

Scrumptious

I'm pretty sure these words have never been uttered on a football field. I obviously don't feel the need to use these words while playing sports or doing other manly activities, but occasionally "scrumptious" might be an appropriate word choice if I'm attempting to describe delicious food. I guess I'll just have to stick with my regular dumb guy adjectives of "so good" and "awesome" to describe tasty food.

The SNL Closing Scene

2011-01-06T21:49:00.000-08:00

I have been watching Saturday Night Live for many years now. When I was a kid I remember the early Bill Murray and Chevy Chase days. Over the years, some cast members have definitely been funnier than others and some seasons have been less than notable. One thing they've all had in common is the ending scene when the cast members, host, and musical guests all meet on the stage at the end of the show as the band plays music while the ending credits roll.

I don't know what it is about this, but it kind of bugs me. They are all hugging and socializing with each other like they are at a reunion or something. Many of these talented performers can stand on a live stage and make fun of people and not show any stage fright, but when they are standing there after the show, it's kind of like they are naked and they appear more vulnerable and defenseless and I feel kind of bad for them.

I'm not really suggesting that Lorne Michaels changes this tradition, but maybe a better ending might be the freeze frame technique that was used at the end of each Chips episode.

The Days Are Getting Longer

2011-01-02T08:37:00.000-08:00

My post title may not be accurate. I realize that there are still only 24 hours in each day, but they appear to be lengthening due to increased sunlight. We just had the winter solstice last week which means it will stay light a little longer ever day from here on out. I view this kind of like the Wednesday hump-day of the year, which is kind of ironic since winter just officially started, but I can deal with the miserable cold as long as we can have some more sunlight with it.

This sums up how I feel about Winter: aka the season the earth dies

I have never been diagnosed with seasonal depression, but I probably have it, since the dark cold winter makes me feel like an old black and white movie or, even worse, an Ingmar Bergman film. I'm excited that it won't be pitch black by 5:30 in the evening anymore. If I could customize the weather and the seasons, it would look like this:

Jan-May would be Spring

June-July would be Summer

Aug-Nov would be Fall

Dec would be Winter

I wonder how long it will take before someone develops an app to change the seasons. I wish you all a prosperous New Year in 2011 and, to all my fellow winter haters, I hope you enjoy the emotional victory of having additional light and eventual warmth in the upcoming months.

The Latest Honeycomb Box- Really?

2010-12-28T07:27:00.000-08:00

Recently my kids were eating some Honeycomb cereal for breakfast and I noticed that my older boys seemed amused about what they were reading on the box, so I asked to see it. On the back it listed some ideas of how you can go green by re-using the cereal box after it is empty for different purposes around your home.

Before I ~~rip on~~ share their suggestions, I'd like to say that I'm all for saving, recycling, and conserving. That is until people become militant about it, hand out guilt trips, or claim they are being "green" just to jump on the bandwagon. Here are the ideas Post suggested.

1) Make your empty box into a magazine holder. I can see doing that for old periodicals that you put in storage, but would any of you display magazines from a honeycomb box on your coffee table at home?

2) Make a bee feeding station (aka flower pot) out of it. Same question. Wouldn't your ornamental flowers look lovely springing forth out of a cereal box.

3) Make an eco-friendly folder for school. What if a student ran into a gang of kids with Grape-Nuts folders and they spotted your bright yellow folder? This is just too dangerous in my opinion.

So either Post cereal is trying to get people to do free advertising at home and school for them, or they are concerned about the environment, but only enough to make their consumers clean up the messes they make. I have some suggestions for Post cereals if they are really concerned about going green.

1) Change your box colors from yellow to green.

2) Give us some suggestions how we can make our clothes out of your boxes too. I'd love a yellow suit with the Honeycomb logo all over it.

3) Stop making cereal so you don't have to worry about your boxes adding to the landfill. You could also shut down your plants around the world and plant trees in their places while you are at it.

4) Decorate your own homes with cereal boxes, but I'm sure your board members and executives already follow the advice you give and probably live in homes made entirely of cereal boxes.

Sorry for my admitted over reaction. I would just looking for a big big taste with a big big bite for breakfast, but I also got a hypocritical lecture about protecting the environment when all they were trying to do was promote their product.

The Christmas Puzzle Tradition

2010-12-25T15:37:00.000-08:00

We have pretty much the same traditions in our home as most other people this time of year. I enjoy making my famous chicken nugget casserole, wearing my purple lederhosen, and singing African tribal songs. I also work on our traditional Christmas puzzle.

When I was a a kid, my parents would do puzzles over Christmas break. Back in the early 80's, they bought a Springbok 1,000 piece puzzle and they'd do it every year. When I got married they gave it to me and I've moved the tradition to my family. The puzzle has a retro feel to it with a bunch of detail and it features the poem "The Night Before Christmas" scattered throughout it.

Some friends and family vanish or fake a seizure when I bring it out, but others actually enjoy working on it. We used to leisurely work on it for weeks, but over the years we've gotten more competitive and usually try to beat our record which is around 2.5 hours. It's getting easier now that my kids are older and are able to contribute more than they used to.

It's a miracle that after all these years we haven't lost any pieces. In fact, it has grown from a 1,000 piece puzzle to about 1,020 pieces. I hope you enjoyed your Christmas and have fun with your family's traditions too.

Your Customized Christmas Card

2010-12-20T06:56:00.000-08:00

I haven't sent out real Christmas cards for many years. I just can't get around to it anymore. I enjoy receiving Christmas cards and all the "my family is better than your family" letters, but I have been a slacker for quite a while when it comes to reciprocating and sending out holiday salutations. As a result, I have decided to post my Christmas card on my blog this year.

Since I associate with a wide variety of people from different religious, political, and socio-economical backgrounds, I thought I'd try to avoid offending anyone and I'd let you customize this Christmas card to your specifications and preferences. Just mark the selections you relate the best to. This way I can send the same card to people who live in a mansion in the Hamptons or to those living in a trailer park in Barstow. Let's start with the greeting on the cover.

Dear Friends,

( ) Merry Christmas
( ) Happy Holidays
( ) Seasons Greetings
( ) It's Winter

Please choose one of the following photographs for the cover of your card:

Traditional Nativity scene

Winter Village

Homer Santa

Jersey Shore Christmas

I hope you enjoy listening to your favorite holiday music :

( ) Handel's Messiah
( ) Oh Holy Night
(   ) Jingle Bells
(   ) Grandma Got Run over by a Reindeer

If you are like me, then I know you and your family will enjoy watching:

( ) It's a Wonderful Life
(   ) How the Grinch Stole Christmas
(   ) Home Alone
( ) Santa with Muscles

I hope you can spend some quality time with your family:

(   ) Roasting chestnuts over an open fire
(   ) Playing games with your kids
(   ) Making sugar cookies
(   ) Watching the MacGyver marathon on cable

Hopefully, I was able to dial in and reach you all on a personal level. But seriously, I hope you can all get past the stress and hectic pace of the season and enjoy yourselves with those you care about most.

Merry Christmas!

Picture of the Month Dec. 2010

2010-12-17T07:49:00.000-08:00

I recently took my kids to see Santa. My youngest clung to me like I was trying to throw her off a cliff as soon as she saw him. It made me realize that warming up to Santa can take some time. I found this picture online that really proves my point. Can you blame them? They are being forced to sit on the lap of a flamboyantly dressed old man who they don't even know. It takes years of presents to condition kids to look forward to this.

Turning Utility Bills Around with Pizza

2010-12-13T11:34:00.000-08:00

During the summer time I stress out when I see bills in the mail from Rocky Mountain Power. In the Winter, my anxiety changes over to Questar Gas. My dislike for the local city utilities usually remains constant throughout the year since their bills don't fluctuate with the temperature. As much as I appreciate having heat, water, and electricity, I sure hate utility bills.

I don't consider myself an environmentalist, but I don't like seeing litter, pollution, or waste either. I try to conserve energy, but I'm mostly motivated by saving money. I think we could solve more environmental problems if we focused on saving money since money is a language most people understand. When I see my kids washing a dish by holding it under hot running water for 10 minutes (the erosion method), I think of my utility bills, more than I do any impact it may have on the environment.

I'd rather spend utility bill money on me and my family than the utility company, so a while ago I came up with a plan to get my kids on board. I put a copy our most recent utility bills on the fridge and tell my kids if they can help me get next month's bill lower than the prior month, then we will have a pizza party. It works. I don't do it because I'm worried about ozone layers, or carbon footprints or any of that crap. I just figure I'd rather spend that money on something fun, so at least this way it shifts saved money from our utilities budget and moves it over into our food budget instead.

Making my kids aware of energy conservation has helped us reduce things like leaving lights and TVs on in empty rooms, taking super long showers, leaving outside doors open, and running a load of wash for just 2 or 3 items. (At least when I'm at home). I guess I could always frighten my kids by telling them stories about polar bears dying and cities flooding instead in order to motivate them to save energy. Never mind, I think the media already has a monopoly on that approach.

What Hair Length Do You Prefer?

2010-12-09T22:08:00.000-08:00

My kids recently pointed out that my hairline is beginning to recede. I really appreciate their keen observations and the reminder that male patterned baldness has commenced for me. Maybe some day I will have the same hair style as Phil Collins. This got me thinking about how much hair some people have and the different ways they can wear it. I thought I'd do a quick poll and get some feedback to see which of these hairstyles (not the men) you prefer. Guys can feel free to participate too.

I decided to start with the longest I could find. I didn't want to gross you out with a picture of Willy Nelson, but I don't think Fabio is much better either.

Michael Landon sported the long look too, but it came across as looking a little more natural. I don't think he spent a lot of time in front of the mirror brushing it out each night.

Johnny Depp has had a variety of hair styles and lengths over the years, but here he shows a style in the mid-range.

Matt Damon has always been clean cut and kept his hair fairly short. My hair has been about this length for the past 15 years.

Jamie Foxx usually sports a very short look. I'd prefer mine this length since it's so easy to maintain, but my wife doesn't like it this short.

Bruce Willis finally gave up on fighting the baldness years ago and decided to just bic it. The totally bald look is actually quite popular these days and I'd consider this some day too if it weren't for the Pac Man Fever tattoo on my scalp.

I know people can look great with different hair styles from each of these categories and there is no right answer, but which of these hair lengths do you prefer?