Sunday, May 15, 2016

Insulting TV Programming

I grew up watching a ton of TV shows. I've seen every episode of MASH, Brady Bunch, and Gilligan's Island. I regularly watched Happy Days, Fantasy Island, the Love Boat, Charlies Angles, Dukes of Hazzard, The Incredible Hulk, Starsky and Hutch,The Jeffersons, Magnum PI, and MTV when they actually used to play music videos.

Over time I was able break my addiction to watching TV. I have not had cable for nearly 15 years and don't have any TV reception so the only time I watch television programs is when I look them up on Netflix. Once or twice a year I travel and end up sitting in a hotel room with time to kill and I usually end up turning on the TV and returning like a dog to it's vomit. I should know better. Here are some of my latest insights after flipping through channels for way too long over the weekend.

I'm sure there are some quality programs on TV but they are few and far between. Please don't take offense with the comments that follow if I describe one of your favorite shows but I can't but help share some of these observations. First of all I think there are too many channels. While flipping through channels I would just pass ones like QVC, CSPAN, the weather channel, etc. but there was still so many lame programs

I was shocked to see how many channels have dedicated programming for murder mystery stories about spouses who kill each other and get caught ten years later. I can not believe how many investigative reports featured a mix of CSI, law enforcement, court room action, and investigative reports which take an hour to come to the conclusion that a husband or wife killed their significant other due to in affair or for insurance money.

If you want to add more depression to the abundance of murder shows you can watch reality TV shows about prisons. One of these shows featured regular people who go under cover and act like a prisoner to gain information for the warden. I was really surprised when some of the prisoners guessed who the mole was. Could it possibly be they guessed the guy who showed up to prison with a camera crew?

There are many home improvement shows which are actually kind of uplifting and fun but they still follow the standard insulting reality show formula of having 30 minutes of actual content mixed with 20 minutes of commercials combined with the last 10 minutes which is the worst part...showing the same scenes 3 or 4 times as a preview before and after commercials and with their summaries and recaps throughout the program. It is so frustrating when they keep rewinding the content and showing the same snippets over and over. You can catch any of these shows for just the last 20 minutes and not miss a thing since it will all be reviewed for you over and over again. PLEASE STOP DOING THAT!

Then there were all the sports commentary shows, commercials, and infomercials. I have concluded that TV programming is catered to idiots and we must be a country of idiots since we lick the stuff up. That includes this idiot who can go for hours clicking through channels and watching mind numbing crap for way too long.

Thursday, February 25, 2016

My Money Fantasy

Today I'd like to discuss a heated topic: MONEY. I've had an unhealthy relationship with money for most of my life. I remember earning and saving money easily during my teenage years and shortly after I got married when life was so simple, but then something happened. I'm not really sure what changed over the years but I have not felt like money has been my ally for some time.I would really like to create a more harmonious relationship with money.I know money can't buy happiness, but happiness can't buy groceries either. Having money can give you options and reduce a lot of stress and misery in your life.

I sometimes find myself being jealous or angry when I see some people who seem to be so prosperous with just about anything they do. This is especially true when they are much younger than me. (Yes I'm talking to those tech nerds who dropped out of college and are billionaires today.) I know appearances are often deceiving and many people who are trying to keep up with the Jones's look good on the outside but are a mess behind the scenes. Even so, some people are able to earn money almost effortlessly and it seems they have the Midas touch while others are killing themselves just trying to survive

Despite my jealousy of the rich and the financial inequality that exists in the world I still have a hard time blaming the rich for my problems. I have noticed that is an increasing popular philosophy and political tactic these days. I know there are some super rich people who are dishonest and corrupt but that doesn't apply to most wealthy people. I also don't believe in scarcity mentality or that there is just a fixed amount of pie for us to all share. Anyway this is not a political rant. It is about my fantasy.

For the longest time I've had a recurring dream about getting a large briefcase full of cash. It is a metal briefcase with locks and is full of at least $75,000, but probably much more. I imagine what bills I would pay off with it and what repairs I would make and how much stress it could alleviate from my life.
As appealing as this fantasy scenario is to think about, I know there is no such thing as a free lunch and money should be earned and not just wished for. Aside from the integrity issue with this money for nothing scenario, I have an even greater concern about how this could actually happen. If you came across a suitcase full of money up in the mountains or wilderness what would you do? You know if you took it to whatever federal agency had jurisdiction of that area you would not see one cent. Would you put an ad in the paper or turn it over to the police? If you decided to just take it, then you would be looking over your shoulder forever. You could pretty much count on this guy showing up within a day or two no matter how careful you were.

Since it is my responsibility to provide for my family, I've tried to improve my finances by utilizing programs for money management over the years. Dave Ramsey's "Financial Peace University" is very thorough but I tire of hearing him talk down to people whose financial lives are a mess and tell people to go deliver pizzas and eat rice and beans. He speaks the truth but it is harsh and often unpleasant to hear. He also focuses on just debt reduction. I recently used another course called "Turn Your Debt into Wealth" by John Cummuta and it was pretty solid and he does not try to sell you anything either, just good information. Another program I thought was helpful was Financial Fitness by Life Leadership. They provide 47 laws of financial fitness and address the offense and defense of finances so it's not just about budgeting and paying off debts.

As appealing as it is to wish for money, I'm afraid the keys to good finances boils down to the following:

  • Providing others with a product of service of value that they are willing to compensate you for.
  • Having a healthy relationship with money and realizing it is just a tool. 
  • Being a good steward of your resources and budgeting and using them responsibly.
  • Blessing and helping other people with your wealth which definitely includes giving me a briefcase full of $75,000. ( I would even pay taxes on it.)
You never know if names like Gates, Buffett,  Branson, Walton, Dell, or Zucherberg may be reading this so it doesn't hurt to ask. 

PS- Thanks in advance and please don't forget the metal briefcase. 

Saturday, February 13, 2016

My Silverware and Middle Earth

My family has gone through a lot of silverware over the last 25 years. I'm afraid our silverware drawer is made up of two or three different sets with several more stray pieces thrown in so our flatware doesn't always match. I think we may even have a few spoons that pre-date the Civil War. Since we don't entertain guests in the formal dining hall with polished silver like they do on Downton Abbey, it's not really a big deal. I'm usually just happy to find some kind of clean implement I can use to shovel food into my mouth but sometimes I can get picky since some of our eating utensils bug me.

My in-laws have amazing flatwear. Each piece feels like a work of art since they are the perfect size,  with ideal weight, ergonomics, and balance. It is truly a therapeutic experience and good for your soul to eat with their silverware. Anyway, back to our crappy silverware...I am including a picture of the variety of styles of silverware found at my house. Some of these remind me of different characters or realms from The Lord of the Rings. I'm including a reference photo below so you can see what I'm talking about. 

The first 4 items on the top row represent the more slender, long, filigree style which remind me of elves. The next 6 spoons are just to show you how many different unmatched styles of spoons we have. The bottom 5 are wimpy fairy utensils and make me feel like a little child when I use them. The last three represent the gigantic troll or heavy dwarf spoon, knife, and fork. I prefer utensils made for the kingdom of men which are the three in the center of the bottom row. When my kids set the table and I sit down to a lame fork and spoon I remind them that I am not an elf or a dwarf I tell them to find me a fork worthy of King Aragorn. They know what that means and usually find me items from the human collection.

After starting this post I came across some Elven flatware on the Internet. I've attached a picture of it so you can see the distinct  elegant style an elf would use. I'm afraid I'd have to grow my hair out and pluck my eyebrows before I could use the set below.

Until the day finally comes when I have a fine set of matching silverware to rule them all, I will just need to keep switching forks and spoons with the other place settings when I sit down to a meal. My other option is to just eat with my hands like Gollum. He never had such first world problems.

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

It's All About Energy

I think the topic of energy is fascinating. I'm amazed at how energy is always being exchanged and converted through billions of interactions around us every day. I'm the furthest thing from a scientist, but I do recall learning about kinetic and potential, or stored, energy. These can include chemical, electrical, magnetic, radiant, thermal, mechanical, nuclear, and other energy forms. I also remember learning the first law of thermodynamics which states that energy can not be created or destroyed, but it can be changed from one form to another.

It's easy to see large scale energy interactions like water freezing or being converted to steam, but some people fail to acknowledge the finer energy interactions in our lives that are not always visible to the naked eye. Everything we do involves energy interactions. This includes our thoughts, the words we speak, the music we listen to, media we watch, and the food we eat.

I used to be much more closed minded about body energy and dismissed it as a touchy-feely topic but, as I have aged, I have become more sensitive to that kind of energy. Whether or not you believe in chakras, meridians, auras, etc., it is hard to deny that we are always absorbing or giving off vibrations to or from our environment and others. Have you ever come across someone you just didn't seem to click with because you felt they gave off "bad vibes"? Have you been attracted to others easily due to their pleasant personalities?

The environments we submerge ourselves in can produce either positive or negative energy interactions. Examples of positive exchanges of energy include thinking pleasant thoughts or recalling good memories, giving and receiving kind greetings or compliments, enjoying music you like, a hug, or a massage. Negative energy exchanges include things like getting a sunburn, incurring injuries, dealing with criticism and contention, verbal assaults, or experiencing physical trauma.
What kind of energy do you surrounded yourself with? What kind of energy do you transmit to others? Are you a person who criticizes, complains, and harasses others or one who edifies, enlightens, and encourages? We can choose to surround ourselves with either positive or negative energy. When it comes to living and interacting with other people, my 1st scientific law of productive energy can be summed up as "Don't be a jerk and be nice to others." You are welcome world. I guess I'd better get ready for a Nobel Prize nomination.

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Hoverboard Clarification

Since Christmas I've heard quite a buzz about hoverboards in the news. Most of the news stories about these popular Christmas gifts involve people getting hurt from nasty falls and some cheaper models had even exploded or caught on fire. That is a big concern for the public but not nearly as alarming as the fact that people are actually calling these devices "hoverboards".

Alleged hoverboard

I'm a little embarrassed to confess that when I heard all the talk in the news about hoverboards I thought "finally technology is coming around". I assumed these devices would be super expensive and big and bulky and noisy if they were actually going to allow a person to balance on them while they literally flew a foot or two off the ground.

THIS is a hoverboard
Eventually I realized that what people were referring to as hoverboards were actually a bunch of short, wide skateboards with only two wheels. A hoverboard should be a board that levitates and actually hovers above the ground, not just a small Segway that has been amputated at the shins.

I didn't realize it until now but I have a hovercraft. It hovers just as good as all the new hoverboards but mine can actually hold 12 people! The new advances in technology are amazing....and so is society's ability to redefine words.
High Capacity Hoverboard
In the future please refer to these popular transportation gadgets as "two wheeled rolling balance platforms" so you don't spread false hope to the world. Thank you.

Monday, December 28, 2015

The Art of Writing

I have learned that if you want to be a successful writer who people care to read, then it helps if you choose the right words and put them in a particular order. Some people think writing has to do with your passion to convey an idea or your ability to express yourself, but I think it is just a matter of being lucky with the word combinations you select.

People like JK Rowling, Stephen King, and Tom Clancy have many fans who like their books because of the words they use and how they arrange them. I, on the other hand, have never been properly trained in the art of word arrangement and, as a result, fewer people read my blogs.

Each time I attempt to write a post, it's kind of like playing a scratch off card or like picking numbers for the lottery. I just hope I choose the correct words and then get them in the right order. Shakespeare was another person who was good at writing (word arranging). I think that is quite impressive since he had many more words at his disposal than we do today. I also respect him because he never used worlds like LOL or totes in any of his works.

Speaking of great authors, I have only read a handful of works by Shakespeare, Twain, and Dickens so, in an attempt to come across as being cultured, I play the card game Authors in order to brush up on the classics. It's kind of like Cliff's notes, but an even more abbreviated version, since all you ever learn is the title of the book. When someone mentions Little Women, I say something like, "Louise May Alcott really hit the mark with Little Women." Then for good measure, I might also say "It's too bad more people don't appreciate Eight Cousins." You just need to be careful who you try this on because it can backfire if you do it to someone who has actually read the classics.

 PS- If you take my advice and use the Authors card game for the basis of your literary knowledge, be careful when referring to Alfred Lord Tennyson and Charles Dickens. They look very similar.

Monday, November 30, 2015

Little Caesars Pizza Insights

I have never met anyone who didn't like pizza. Like most people, I really love pizza. There is something amazing about that magical food. I know all pizza is not created equal so it can make a big difference where you purchase pizza from.

Little Caesars is probably the most basic and cheapest pizza around. It obviously can not compare with any gourmet pizza establishments, but if you are hungry for pizza and only want to spend $5 it is the best option I know of. Most things get more expensive with inflation over time but their hot and ready pizza appears to be immune to price increases.

My biggest pet peeve with Little Caesars (aside from the quality) is the ambiance inside the stores. I am not expecting a dimly lit Italian restaurant with musicians playing in the background, but it would be nice if every time I give them my business they would not thank me by screaming "TWO PEP!" in my face.

"One Cheese, One Pep!"

Seriously Little Ceasars, your employees yell loud enough to rupture my eardrums with their attempt to notify the cooks in back that they need to replace a pizza from their hot and ready inventory. There has to be a better way than screaming around your customers. It's a fast food restaurant, not an off shore oil rig.

My other request for Little Caesars would be to put some olives on the pepperoni pizza. I'd pay $7 bucks instead of  $5 for a little more variety and flavor, but if I want that from them it nearly doubles the price and I have to wait over 10 minutes for them to make it. I guess I could always start a rival pizza company that serves delicious gourmet pizza in an authentic Italian atmosphere for 5 bucks. Never mind, I guess I'll just let them keep yelling at me.