No need for an introduction here. It is time for me to whine and complain again. I have noticed that I have become increasingly critical and judgemental in my entries so I apologize in advance. Please don't take offense if you happen to enjoy any of the following items. We can still be friends. It is just much cheaper for me to rant about stuff occasionally than to go to therapy or buy medication.Let me start my list with something really disturbing. It is sock gloves. These are basically gloves you wear on your feet. I have to admit I have never tried them, but I don't think I could even put them on because I would freak out. My toes would be claustrophobic and there would be too much added girth to my feet if I had to wear them.
An irritating thing I see when I check my e-mail are the stupid skin care before and after simulations. They are getting worse with time. At first they'd show a pretty model in the after picture then they'd airbrush crows feet and wrinkles on her for the before picture. It was a subtle transformation but you could see a discernible difference. Now they have a picture of what appears to be either a gorilla or a severe burn victim for the before picture. It was insulting before and it is just ridiculous now. The only thing that could be more extreme would be to show a dog poop in the before picture. I wish these complexion ads would take a hike with all the dancing silhouettes from the mortgage rate pop ups.
There are many songs that bug me but one that drive me crazy is Mr. Roboto by Styx. What's up with that? If you have ever heard the song you know what I'm talking about. Whenever I hear this song or even a reference to it, it takes me days to get the song out of my head along with the images that have been burned into my mind from watching the music video on MTV in the 80's.
I like Carl's Jr. but there are a couple things that bug me. First is their commercial with a young hungry guy eating like a pig with food dripping all over him. He doesn't seem to notice or care that he is a slob. It reminds me of watching a two year old eating an icecream cone. I know this is intentional but it just doesn't work for me. Another thing about their commercials I don't like is dropping overloaded hamburgers in slow motion and watching them bounce. I'm OK with watching grapes or cherry tomatoes bounce but not giant hamburgers.
While we are on the topic of food let me address raisins. I have a great idea how you can ruin a perfectly good cookie. Put raisins in it. That way some of us might get our hopes up when we see a cookie with what looks like chocolate chips in it. If you want to see the classic face of disappointment check out someone who bit into a cookie and just realized it contains raisins instead of chocolate chips. Raisins are actually awesome when they are fresh. I believe they are called grapes during their fresh stage.
I have noticed that sometimes in social settings people try to impress and outdo others. The classic example of this is when you tell a story and immediately someone has to one up you. I don't mind being out done, but it does bother me when they are not tactful at it. Anytime someone stars a sentence by saying "That's nothing" then launch into their more amazing story I have a problem. "It was 104 degrees last week. We were dying". "That's nothing, I'm from Phoenix and we hit 115 over 20 times last month." OK, never mind your are better and I suck.
Let's finish with the worst offender. It is the stupid sideways gang banger gun holding technique. Why are some people compelled in movies to hold the gun sideways when they shoot? Is there some benefit that produces a more accurate shot? I doubt it. I think it's like the sideways hat thing which insinuates "Dude look at me I'm so rebellious that I wear my hat sideways" What could be more crazy than holding someone up? Holding them up with a sideways gun! I think it is dumb unless there are gang members reading this blog who love to brandish their weapon as described. In that case it rocks!
I'm sure you all have things that drive you crazy so feel free to share them. We can call it group therapy.
3 comments:
First off let me say you have the best posts! Also, I am honored I am linked on your site now.
"Popped collars" You know, like on your Polo shirts.. This was terrible in the 80's and even worse now! It is even more difficult to hold in the laughter when I see some really old dude wearing his shirt with a "popped collar."
Shawn
I think pink ones are the best!
My heart is human, my blood is boiling, my brain I.B.M.
Popped Collars - oh man something like 2 years ago I was helping my sister move into a douplex in SLC. When out comes a guy out of the other half of the douplex wearing not one but two polo shirts, both with popped collars. He stopped to ask my brother and I who was moving in. As he walked away I just had to say... "what he meant to say was, are my collars still up?... both of them?.... awesome!"
Here's a few on my list:
1) When people refer to objects as "puppies" or "puppy" when they are not, in actuality, a puppy. Example: A biker dude says to his friend, "I can go up to 180 mph on this puppy!" (he was referring to his motorcycle) If it's not a small canine, don't call it a puppy!
2) When people mispronounce "Mozart". I realize that the "z" is very un-phoenetic,so when a child mispronounces it at their first recital or something it is cute and amusing. However, when a grown man or woman says something like, "That MOE-ZART was very talented" they immediately lose smartness points with me.
3) When people mispronounce "Illinois". Again, another un-phoenetic word, but if you are smarter than a fifth grader you should know that the "s" is silent- it is NOT pronounced "IllINOISE!
4) People who fish for compliments. My mother-in-law does this ALL the time! (I'm 98% sure she'll never read this). This has happened on many occasions: We'll be eating dinner at my in-laws and she'll say, "I'm sorry this meal is not much- I just threw it together at the last minute [Oh really, is that why we're eating on your nice tablecloth and best china?] "But it's really not that bad, is it? Doesn't it taste alright?" I always politely respond, "NO, it's just fine- tastes great." and she smiles with pride. But one of these days I'm going to snap and say, "You're right- it's absolute crap! I don't know about the rest of you but this puppy would rather eat dog food. . . in ILLINOIZE. . . with MOE-ZART!"
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