The Eyebrow Hall of Fame

I have finally arrived at the age of maturity when one's eyebrows begin to grow with a vengeance. I know this is a coveted season in life when your body decides to produce excess and more coarse hair. I don't want to sound ungrateful. Eyebrows give our lives variety, and I think they are great. I appreciate them in their many forms. They range from the unkept grumpy furrowed brow to a model's finely sculpted eyebrows. As a tribute to them, I have decided to publish Chaka's Eyebrow Hall of Fame. At least this way I might not feel quite so bad about my dilemma.

I'd like to start off with Leonid Brezhnev. He was the leader of Russia when I was growing up, and whenever I hear the word eyebrow, images of him still come to mind. His name translated from Russian means "giant caterpillars on the forehead".

Frida is another unibrow standout. She gives Bert from Sesame Street a run for his money. I hadn't heard much about her until Salma Hayek made a movie about her several years ago. Just for the record, I think Selma looks better with two eyebrows than one.

Susan Boyle recently reminded me of how big a difference eyebrows can make. I think that was the biggest improvement from her recent makeover.

Speaking of women and eyebrows, I see that some people basically draw their eyebrows on. Is this the result of over-zealous plucking? I understand that some people have less to work with, but if you draw them on, at least keep them where they belong, somewhere near the eyes.

No eyebrow tribute would be complete without giving credit to Eugene Levy. Not only is he a funny guy, but he has unprecedented eyebrow control. Some men like the Rock and Lee Majors also have exhibited good eyebrow control, but Levy is the king of making each one act independently of the other.

An honorable mention goes to Groucho Marx, who had such memorable eyebrows that they have been immortalized with novelty glasses. I guess my excessive eyebrow growth does have some advantages. I may be able to replace Andy Rooney some day, or at least I can make some extra money by selling mine as guitar strings.