Monday, September 28, 2009

Computer Virus Makers

The computers at our home have been under siege recently by a variety of viruses. Despite having a host of anti-virus and spy ware programs, we keep on getting them. The most recent one was the addition of "Windows Anti Virus Pro" which is actually a virus that takes on the appearance of a virus scan program. It holds your computer hostage until you pay for a subscription. It's kind of like paying protection money to the mafia. I have not been able to get my PC past the start up screen for a week so I can't get online to fix it. My laptop also takes 15 minutes before you can get online. This has prompted me to vent my frustration in a letter to the creators of computer viruses.

Dear computer virus creators, I am nice guy, but I would love find you for creating Windows Antivirus Pro and torture you for several days ala Jack Bauer. I would prefer to torture you in front of your parents at your family reunion. When they realized what you have up to I'm sure they would want to join in and help me. You have disrupted my life in a big way. I would love to convert all the frustration you have caused me and return it to you in the form of physical aggression. I may be using my remaining vacation time to track you down and find you. Unlike Liam Neeson, I have no particular set of skills, but I would employ my limited resources and primitive abilities until I bring you to justice. I am not alone there are thousands of people like me who would love to get their hands on the computer virus makers of the world who need to get a life. You had better watch your back. Love, Chaka

I know violent threats are out of character for me. I try to keep this blog a happy place. I'm sorry, but I had to vent and express how I feel about computer nerds who use their powers for the dark side of the force.

14 comments:

Kelly said...

Best wishes on bringing those idiots to justice Chaka. Next time buy a Mac!

Kelly

Chaka said...

I'm getting so tired of hearing that advice from everyone. They must be right.

Kristina P. said...

We have Macafee and haven't had any problems so far. But I have seen that pretend virus scan window pop up, and I almost ran it, until I realized that MacAfee wasn't on it.

I am all for any type of Jack Bauer butt whooping.

Ashley Schaffer said...

Use Linux :)
Viruses are the reason Microsoft will eventually fail...

Eric said...

I always find it's easier to just write your own operating system, that way, no one can install software of any kind on your machine. Plus you can encrypt everything, so no one can read data of any kind on your machine. This would also facilitate recording attempts and security breaches.

If you don't have time to do this, you could just relocate your windows registry by simply typing it all in to a different file location. :)

Chaka said...

Eric- I appreciate the advice, but your comment only made me feel more incompetent. I always knew you were accomplished and could do just about anything, but you even put Da Vinci to shame. If Aliens ever attack I call I get to be on your team.

Fran Hill said...

It's all a campaign to make us feel so inadequate and skill-less that we rely on them more and more. Oh, for the days when I could take out my typewriter ribbon, insert another one, and then just carry on. It seems like a million years ago. (Probably because it's not far off that.)

peewee said...

I HAVE A VIRUS TOO!! AND I HAVE A MAC!! I am so pissed and don't know how to handle it. So, I'm just gonna go drink.

Raine said...

Take pictures when you kick butt!

Bobby G said...

WOW PEE WEE!! I work at apple, and it takes a lot to gt a virus. You have to ok it, type in your password and install it, so nice work! =) Chaka, you got any Mac question, I work for Apple email me at bgismo20@gmail.com

Chaka said...

Bobby G-Thanks for the offer. I may be switching at my next upgrade.

Massage MAN said...

DRINK DEEP the APPLE flavored cool-aid! I wish I had!

Cherie said...

*laugh* I'll add my sentiments to go for a Mac :-) We've never had problems, gotta love Linux based systems. I hope you can get your systems fixed! All else fails the refurbished Mac's you can get from the Apple website are cheaper and sometimes have more power then the brand new ones... that's where we get ours. Good luck!

Big D said...

Chaka, I was going to give you the same advice as Eric. Except since I have no idea what he was talking about. I would just unplug it and then reboot. This solves a myriad of problems. If they remain unrectified a sledge hammer and an acid bath usually take out any remaining Viri (that's plural for Virus.) This also helps confirm timing, you know...when to actually upgrade to your MAC.