My Silverware and Middle Earth

My family has gone through a lot of silverware over the last 25 years. I'm afraid our silverware drawer is made up of two or three different sets with several more stray pieces thrown in so our flatware doesn't always match. I think we may even have a few spoons that pre-date the Civil War. Since we don't entertain guests in the formal dining hall with polished silver like they do on Downton Abbey, it's not really a big deal. I'm usually just happy to find some kind of clean implement I can use to shovel food into my mouth but sometimes I can get picky since some of our eating utensils bug me.

My in-laws have amazing flatwear. Each piece feels like a work of art since they are the perfect size,  with ideal weight, ergonomics, and balance. It is truly a therapeutic experience and good for your soul to eat with their silverware. Anyway, back to our crappy silverware...I am including a picture of the variety of styles of silverware found at my house. Some of these remind me of different characters or realms from The Lord of the Rings. I'm including a reference photo below so you can see what I'm talking about. 

The first 4 items on the top row represent the more slender, long, filigree style which remind me of elves. The next 6 spoons are just to show you how many different unmatched styles of spoons we have. The bottom 5 are wimpy fairy utensils and make me feel like a little child when I use them. The last three represent the gigantic troll or heavy dwarf spoon, knife, and fork. I prefer utensils made for the kingdom of men which are the three in the center of the bottom row. When my kids set the table and I sit down to a lame fork and spoon I remind them that I am not an elf or a dwarf I tell them to find me a fork worthy of King Aragorn. They know what that means and usually find me items from the human collection.

After starting this post I came across some Elven flatware on the Internet. I've attached a picture of it so you can see the distinct  elegant style an elf would use. I'm afraid I'd have to grow my hair out and pluck my eyebrows before I could use the set below.

Until the day finally comes when I have a fine set of matching silverware to rule them all, I will just need to keep switching forks and spoons with the other place settings when I sit down to a meal. My other option is to just eat with my hands like Gollum. He never had such first world problems.