Black Hairy Tongue

When I was a kid my parents had a copy of The Physicians Desk Reference. This is a book that looks like a large encyclopedia or dictionary until you open it up. Most of the book is comprised of information on a variety of health conditions and diseases. It includes summaries, diagrams, and flow charts for diagnosing illness, but the best parts of this book are the pictures. As little kids we would flip through the pages and it was almost like playing Russian Roulette because you never knew when you'd turn the page and see a disgusting picture. There were plenty of nasty pictures throughout the book, but one that stood out and became our favorite was an ailment known as "black hairy tongue".

Black hairy tongue is a real condition (lingua villosa nigra) where the papillae of the tongue turn black and a hair of fur like appearance is created due to the growth of bacteria, yeast, or fungus. I was going to include a collage of images, but I thought I'd spare you. If you are hungry for more just google it and you can see all the images you want. It is a harmless condition (unless you are asking someone out on a date) and some of the things that can cause it are: poor oral hygiene, drinking excessive coffee or tea, chemotherapy, medications that contain bismuth like Pepto Bismol, and tobacco use. Of course the biggest cause is from not regularly reading my blog. As of today there have been no cases of black hairy tongue reported by any of my followers. Science would support that this is an obvious cause and effect scenario and it appears that I have the antidote to this malady.

The Physicians Desk Reference can be a very helpful and informative book, but it is dangerous if you are weak minded and susceptible to suggestion. I can't tell you how many times I thought I had the symptoms for scarlet fever, rabies, heart murmur, and leukemia by just reading through the symptom checker. Maybe I'm just weak minded like the poor storm trooper who was told "these are not the droids you are looking for" by Obi Wan. Anyway I have tried to stay away from the book because the last thing I need is to turn into a hypochondriac.

That being said, I'm not even sure how I ended up with this book after all these years. I think my parents got a newer version and gave me their old one. Today I see my kids huddle around this book and turn the pages and pull faces in disgust. It's now a third generation family tradition and some day this timeless treasure will be passed on to one of their families. I'm sure my kids are already scheming about who will inherit it after I'm gone. Sorry to be short but I have to go brush my teeth.