Obama Urges Moms to Read Chaka's World

I'd like to address the many annoying online ads that I regularly see each time I check my e-mail. I feel a little hypocritical ripping on ads since I am guilty of allowing third parties to use my blog space for their advertisements, but hopefully none of the ads I will discuss have ever reared their ugly faces on my blog.

The first ads that moved around to get your attention that I remember were with little dancing silhouettes. Then they evolved into cowboy line dancers. These ads stop their teaser activity after a few seconds but you can keep it going by putting your mouse over the ad. I admit I have had the mentality of a three year old and moved the cursor over the cowboys so I could keep watching them dance but I never refinanced my home with their company as a result.

There are the "can you name this celebrities" type of quizzes. They will show some body's famous lips, eyes, tattoo, etc. and ask who they belong to. Another version asks very easy pop culture trivia questions and you click on their ad to submit your answer.

The most insulting advertisements are the skin care simulations that show before and after pictures. The before pictures look like a gorilla that has third degree burns on its face, and then after using their product a young beautiful model with a fair complexion appears. Wow! I've never seen such dramatic results. Where can I purchase this wonder balm? I'm sold. More disturbing than the fake skin comparisons are the disgusting weight loss ads that features neck and tricep fat that jiggles around.

The most recent trend I have noticed are the "I'm crazy ripped" ads for some new wonder product that scientists have just discovered that makes you "crazy ripped". Some of the models they feature make me a little uncomfortable like I'm looking at a Chippendale's calender. The other problem is that I don't want to be crazy ripped, I want to be "freaky chiseled". Maybe someone can come up with a product that can take me to that next step.

Over the last year I have noticed that Obama has been urging moms to go back to school. This ad used to have two attractive women (by computer animation standards) walking side by side. It has recently changed to show two haggled zombie women frantically running. This illogical ad was what pushed me over the edge and made me write this post. Whoever designed this ad makes the 1982 Atari graphics look amazing.

In summary, if you want to advertise on the Internet, use the most obnoxious ridiculous methods you can imagine. It may not make people buy your product, but it will probably provide them with life long memories they can share with their grand children. Maybe I can create an ad that features a drunk guy who is about to throw up with a little count down timer and if you don't click on the ad in time to stop him, then you get to see the mess. I just may have a future creating Internet ads.