Tuesday, August 30, 2011


This week I am headed out to a family reunion. It will be held up in the mountains so it is being referred to as "camping", but technically we are staying in cabins so it is really the cushy version of camping. I am excited about that because I'm not a big fan of camping. This is kind of ironic since I have been a scout master for the last 5 years and average camping out about 16 nights per year.

The biggest problem I have with camping is that I find it to be counter productive. If I had to, I could survive in the wild like Bear Grylls, (minus the looking for every excuse to drink my own pee). I actually love spending time outside and getting away from the stress of the city, but at the same time, there is also a law of diminishing returns. You have to factor in things like squatting behind bushes to go to the bathroom, sleeping on the ground, burning your eyes with campfire smoke while trying to stay warm, and getting bit by mosquitoes. I'll admit that camping isn't so bad if you are prepared and have the proper equipment, but that's beside the point. I just don't enjoy going backwards.

Camping for fun is like undoing that which has already been taken care of. It's like pretending we can't walk and deciding to crawl on our hands and knees instead. I love kitchens, indoor bathrooms, and modern conveniences and think they are just as beautiful as any sunset or forest view. I'm okay with just watching movies that feature the great outdoors from the comfort of my bed as opposed to actually going there.

Some nature enthusiasts reading this might think I'm a party pooper or a wuss, and they are probably right, but there are thousands of women who agree with me about this. Unfortunately they also like shopping, getting facials, and watching the Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants.

After looking around, I was finally able to find another guy who agrees with me. I love Jim Gaffigan.


Kristina P. said...

My idea of camping is staying in a hotel that has a hot tub on the balcony.

W.C.Camp said...

I like camping fine but I generally agree with your idea of not looking backwards. I even feel that way about motorhomes now. It costs $50 a night to park a coach and I still have to cook and clean the thing???? For $30 more I can go to a Best Western and even get a hot breakfast in the morning. Maybe I just need to combine both and sleep in my car next to one of those 'telephone booth' johns? W.C.C.

Middle-aged Mormon Man said...

I like camping, and have done the scoutmaster thing as well. The part I don't like is the prep time. It seems it takes as much work packing and preparing for an overnighter as it does to go for an entire week. And if the girls go, the stuff "needed" increases exponentially.

It is supposed to be a relaxing getaway - but thinking about it makes me tired.

M-Cat said...

Not a fan of the camping. Why pay money to go pretend I am homeless? At girls camp this year, they asked me if I could help them put up a tent.
Nope. Nope. annnnnnndddd NOPE.

Dr Zibbs said...

He's hysterical

Shana said...

I went camping this past weekend. The stuff you have to bring with you, you may as well sleep in the back yard!!

Crystal Pistol said...

I am not a camping fan. NOT AT ALL! I was called at Girl's camp director this year. Luckily all the mountains in AZ caught fire and we spent the week at a resort instead... Phew. Close call!