Today I'd like to share some thoughts on masculinity. I feel like I have been mellowing out a little bit as I get older. I'm in my mid 40's now and no longer have testosterone surging through my veins like I did when I was a teenager. I am not to the point where Steel Magnolias is my new favorite movie, but I am beginning to feel a little more docile and tired than I used to.
When people think of masculinity certain images come to mind. Society has told us that in order to be masculine we need to participate in the following activities:
Lift weights and have big muscles
Be good at home and car repairs
Grow facial hair easily
Occasionally eat food straight out of a can
Consume large quantities of alcohol
Be athletic and an expert on sports
Use a chain saw or hard hat at your job
Love to hunt and spend time outdoors
Not talking much if a simple grunt will do
Drive a large truck or 4 wheel drive vehicle
Obviously most of these activities don't make the man but they can influence how others see you.
After much scientific research I have created a highly accurate testosterone scale which is much like the food pyramid except I am using celebrities to illustrate my point. The higher the ranking the more manly a person comes across.
My testosterone scale of manliness
10- Ron Swanson
9- Chuck Norris
8- Charlton Heston
7- Tom Selleck
6- Lee Majors
5- Bruce Willis
4- James Franco
3- Orlando Bloom
2- Tony Randall
1- Woody Allen
I am aware that these days you can get in trouble for not being politically correct or making broad generalizations. I hope readers can view the general stereotypes without taking offense. I think everyone has both masculine and feminine characteristics and I'm not saying one is better than the other, I am just worried that I have slowly moved from a 9 down to a 5 over the years. Maybe if I take up bull riding I can get back up to an 8 this year. If not I will just keep using the cheapest form of hormone replacement therapy I have found, watching The Expendables 2 trailer every morning.