History of the Trolls

Due to popular demand I am pleased to address the topic of the Trolls. When some people hear the word troll they think of rude people who make inflammatory comments on the Internet, or ugly dolls with colorful hair. Both of these conjure up negative images. I would like to tell you about the good kind of Trolls.

During my Senior year in High School I had an English class that was held outside of the main building in a trailer. (No, it was not resource, it was A.P.) One day as we came to class we noticed that there was some construction work done outside of the trailer to bury some electrical work. They dug up a patch that was several feet wide and covered it up with tar when they were done. It did not match the surrounding concrete so it kind of stuck out. One day after class a friend and I were leaving the trailer and he intentionally stepped way beyond the tar and jokingly said "there is no way I am going to walk on that evil pit". This simple action planted the seed for what was to become the Trolls. For the next several weeks until school was out several of us in that class always stepped over the pit so nothing bad would happen to us.

During summer vacation we were bored one night and were talking about the pit to a younger brother. He thought it sounded funny so we decided to test it out on him. We took him by force from his house and went down to the pit. We told him once you sit on it you will become a troll. When he actually saw it, he broke free and ran about 150 yards away until we finally caught him. I was surprised he would do this since he was only wearing his boxers. Anyway we forced our first recruit to sit on the Troll Pit and said "Boo" 7 times which became the official way to make someone a Troll. We also went through this procedure ourselves in order to make things official. We continued the pattern of taking friends by force and sitting them on the pit. We initiated between one to three each week and it got easier each time because we had more help from the additional recruits. We were close friends so we could usually sneak into their rooms or lure them outside and throw a blanket over them and take them to the pit. Most of the kidnappings were not too hard although 3 or 4 were legendary in the struggle they put up. I felt kind of bad when we scared people, but I figured if the Seminary council can kidnap people then it was OK.

After a while we had many Trolls so I had to utilize my organizational skills. Each Troll was given an number, categorized by Class and Rank, and assigned an Evil Twin. I made ID cards for each member which required a second grade picture of each participant. (See attached picture). We had the Big 6 Troll Masters (The founders), then there were the Dirty Dozen which were followed by the Bakers Dozen. There were classes of trolls too: Weed, Desert, Bridge, Mountain, Tree Trunk, and Rock Trolls. The Evil Twins we assigned were not always completely accurate. I am a good example of this since mine was Sammy Davis Jr. Some of the other evil twins were: Ivan Drago, Jaws from James Bond, Gary Coleman, Heat miser, Nicholas Bradford, Ralph Mouth, Festus from Gun Smoke, Buster Crab, Dr. Who, Gilligan, and Oliver North. We had regular meeting (parties) and we tried to keep it from turning into the Mafia or secret combinations by following our creed which was printed on the back of each card. "Trolls must remember to be nice and to stay cute and cool".

The Trolls continued to grow strong and prosper up until I went on my mission. I got updates of new recruits for the first several months I was gone, but without the dedicated leadership, they soon fell into apostasy and gradually the organization fell apart. My only regret was that I did not have more time to involve more friends while it was in it's prime.

Some people might think the Trolls organization was just a cute High School club and is all in the past. They are wrong. Our cards are still active and I need only summon them with a text message or e-mail and I would have 6 weed trolls ready to jump into action. (Just like the Bourne Identity agents). This year marks the 20th anniversary of the Trolls and there will soon be a new and improved Troll movement coming in the future. If you would like to be a part of history let me know.

Shaken Not Stirred

I would like to discuss James Bond. I know many people are not fans of the series claiming it is stupid and fake. I also have some issues with it. 007 is a womanizer, drinking, gambling, assassin. I will admit he is not the ideal role model but I still like James Bond movies.

Sean Connery was the original 007 and probably the most charismatic and confident. He was also the most physically intimidating. (with the noted exception of Diamonds are Forever where he wore a toupee and had a gut since he was well past his prime). He was in seven Bond movies if you include the Renegade Never Say Never Again which was produced by another studio. I have found that he is "the real" Bond for the old school crowd (People over 45).

George Lazenby was Connery's successor and is more of a trivia figure since his only move was On Her Majesty's Secret Service. He was very physical but had a hard time living up to his predecessor. The clothes he wore in his movie were ridiculous. The fashion in this movie is what Austin Powers makes fun of. Overall he wasn't bad for an Australian used car salesman who got a one time chance at a big movie. It is also probably the only movie in which you will see James Bond cry.

Roger Moore was more suave than the rest. He was a gentleman and well mannered, despite the fact he cracked more of the stupid puns and innuendo than the others. He was also cockier and more smug than the rest. He relied heavily on gadgets since we was not too intimidating. He was one of the smarter ones who seemed to know everything. The first Bond movies I saw were with Roger Moore. He was also in seven Bond movies before leaving the series.

Timothy Dalton was a nice change after Moore got too old to be convincing, but Dalton came across as being too serious and brooding. He was the pissed off James Bond. That may be why he only lasted two movies. I didn't dislike him but he was one of my least favorite.

Growing up I hated Pierce Brosnan. I thought he was the world's biggest wimp on Remington Steele. I was glad when he lost the part to Dalton in the 80's, but I have to admit he surprised me and is one of my favorite Bonds now. He relied heavily on gadgets and tricks and didn't have a big physical presence, but he was very convincing. I thought he did a good job in the four movies he was in. I was actually sad to see him be replaced.

A few years ago I had never even heard of Daniel Craig. When he was named to be the new Bond for Casino Royale I looked him up and was surprised that he was not visually appealing. However; After seeing Casino Royale I was totally impressed with his performance. I thought he was the most exciting 007 so far. He is not as polished as Connery, Moore, or Brosnan. He has the toughness and short temper of a Dalton and the physicality of Connery and Lazenby. I know they intentionally portrayed his character as being unrefined since he was a rookie to the role, but it was refreshing to see Bond make mistakes and have bad judgement for a change.

There have been over 23 Bond movies, and these are some of my favorite:
Casino Royale
Goldeneye
Die Another Day
Goldfinger
For Your Eyes Only
Moonraker
The Living Daylights
On Her Majesty's Secret Service
Tomorrow Never Dies
From Russia With Love
Dr. No

Motivational Movie Endings

I thought I would address one of the most inspirational, yet over used and formulaic movie themes we have all seen. It happens at the climax of a movie when everyone gets involved (chanting, clapping, etc.) to help the main character to achieve their victory. I think it is time to name this occurrence so we can better identify it in the future. For now I will call these "buzzer beaters". I love many of the movies that employ this technique, but it looses its impact the more you see it. Here is a list of some of these movies:

Spartacus- The slaves standing up one by one saying they are Spartacus in order to protect him.
Rudy- The crowd all chant his name in unison to get him in the game so he can make the final play.
Dead Poets Society- The entire class standing on chairs and saying "Oh captain, my captain" to show their respect.
Strictly Ballroom- The dad claps after the judges pull the plug. The crowd joins in so they can finish their number.
Karate Kid 2- The villagers playing their spin drums to give Danielson the strength and guidance he needs to defeat the bad guy.
Iron Will- The people at the finish line whistling the special melody to make the dogs run fast enough to cross the finish line.
On the Waterfront- The final scene as Terry Maloy confronts the union boss after being beaten and all the dock workers stand in solidarity.
Cool Runnings-When the Jamaican team wipes out and they carrying their sled towards the finish line. One person starts with the strong, slow, deliberate clap and it catches on until the crowd erupts once they finally cross the finish line.

I'm sure there are many more, so please send me your suggestions.

An Historic Day

Welcome to my very first blog entry. This is like my grand opening sale, maiden voyage, or a day that will go down in infamy. I have put off starting a blog for some time. The main reason is that I can't stand the name "blog". Now that I have my own blog I am pretty much dominating the internet, but I would like to make some more changes. My first order of business if elected President of the internet will be to change the word blog to something cool like Zorg. I would also like to offer college credit for frequent visitors to this site.

I am looking forward to sharing some of my favorite things here. They have been bottled up in my mind and palm pilot for years. It is time for them to come forth. Some of these will no doubt be unique concepts and lofty ideals which edify and inspire the soul, but most will probably be funny Yotube links of people throwing up or wiping out.