The Public Jacuzzi

I love relaxing in a hot jacuzzi, but I haven't always had the best luck when it comes to public hot tubs. Years ago I went on a cruise and there were only a couple hot tubs on board. Towards the end of the cruise I ventured to the top of the ship to try them out. I was in need of some relaxation since I had been vigorously eating around the clock for 3 days. When I got to the jacuzzi I was surprised to find it completely empty. As I got closer it looked like every passenger on board had applied suntan lotion and then bathed in there to rinse it off. For some reason I was mesmerized by the shiny liquid and actually ended up putting my hand in. It felt like a vat of Wesson oil. I decided to forgo the heat therapy and went back to get more food.

Recently I was feeling tired and stressed and my kids wanted to go to the local recreation center so I agreed to take them. I planned on relaxing in the jacuzzi while I waited for them. I got there and there were about 7 or 8 people in the jacuzzi but that wasn't a problem since it's huge and can accommodate about 15 people. As soon as I got in my eyes started burning because the chlorine was so strong. As I looked around they burned even more as I noticed a very out of shape older couple who were being surprisingly affectionate with each other. This was not your typical MTV Spring break Jacuzzi couple that comes to mind when you think of people making out in hot tubs. I don't have a problem with people being affectionate in public, but it was kind of disturbing and didn't help me relax.

While I was sitting there trying to keep my eyes to myself I realized that the water was not very hot either, but I was still going to try to make the best of it. That's when I noticed an object moving around in all the foam and bubbles. It was dark and thin and was floating towards me. Finally I could see it was a gigantic mass of hairs that were floating in my direction. As it got closer I saw it was made of a variety of lengths and colors of hair that were all globbed together. My imagination went wild as I speculated where or who it had come from. It continued floating directly towards me and I wasn't going to touch it so I started to splash water towards it to push it away. While I was doing this I noticed the sign that said not to get in the pool if you had open sores. I looked around at the other bathers and just imagined all the open sores that could be oozing under the surface at that moment. My imagination got the best of me and I got out fast.

I ended up being grateful that they used such potent chlorine levels in the pool. I'd like to clarify that I do not consider myself to be superior or better than anyone else. That should be obvious from the fact that I was going to a public pool. I'm sure the other bathers went home and blogged about the nervous pale guy that was splashing water around and then quickly jumped out of the pool for no reason.

Name Brands vs. Generic

I've been thinking about brand names and marketing lately and think this will be a fun topic to discuss. I'm intrigued with the concept behind different brand names and the status they supposedly provide. Some names that come to mind are Gucci, Tommy Hilfiger, Versace, Mercedes, and Apple. I have been wondering lately how much difference there really is between an expensive brand name product and a similar generic or cheaper brand.

Marketers and the media play a big role in creating the value for these products, and if you are going to keep up with the Jones' then you need to do it with the right brands. When I was a kid my parents would take me to Sears to get my school clothes. At an early age I realized that the rich kids had Izod Crocodiles on their shirts, others had the JC Penny Fox, I was at the bottom of the food chain with the Sears Braggin' Dragon brand shirt. I wonder if companies left their logos and tags on the inside of the clothes if anybody would know the difference between them.

In High School I'd only wear Converse basketball shoes. They were endorsed by players like Dr. J, Larry Bird, and Magic Johnson. When Jordan came around Nike was the cool shoe. Today I'll take nearly any brand if they are on sale. I even find myself buying $12 generic sneakers at Walmart for just wearing around the house. I'm turning into my Dad. I know there is a difference in quality between brands, but I wonder how much difference there really is. I would obviously never run a marathon in generic $12 shoes, and if you've read my blog you know how I feel about buying the cheapest brand of answering machine.

Is a Montblanc pen really 50 times nicer than a Parker pen? If you've looked into luxury watches you know that a Rolex is obviously worth more than a Timex due to the materials and craftsmanship that go into it but a Timex actually keeps better time. Accurate time keeping is obviously not the main concern of a Rolex consumer. The value is in the attention and status it gives the owner and what it represents. I'm not judging anyone here either, I'd love a James Bond Omega Seamaster watch. Even if it came without the laser and flamethrower options.

I remember the first time I saw food in generic packaging. The Macaroni and Cheese boxes were stark black and white and were nearly half the price as the brand names. They were supposedly made in some of the same facilities as the ones in the nicer packaging. To this day my wife will only eat Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. She claims it is superior to any other brand. Would you rather have Chips a Hoy or Best Yet brand Chip-a-Riffic cookies? Are you a Lucky Charms person or are you okay with the Malt O Meal knock off called Marshmallow Mateys? A & W or Shasta root beer?

It's obvious there are quality differences between some products. I'd like to get some feedback about which products you feel have very little difference and which brand names you think are well worth the extra money and why you would pay more for them. Let's hear what you have to say on this topic.

Psychological Posture

Posture a is skill that is used in many different fields but it's particularly useful in business. Usually when this word is mentioned it conjures up images of the military and keeping your shoulders back and head up. The posture I will be discussing is one's aura, confidence, and the vibes that they give off. Here are some examples:

Posture is playing hard to get when you really like someone. It's not answering the phone on the first ring even though you are anxious to speak to the person on the other line. Posture is telling someone you need to see if you can make time for an appointment when you know darn well you have an empty calendar. Some common marketing or business phrases you may expect to hear from someone who is trying to recruit you are "I can't guarantee you'd fit in with us" or "I'm not sure if you'd qualify", even though they'd love to have you. It's the idea of having someone come to you instead of chasing them around.

One of my favorite movie scene is from Defending Your Life starring Albert Brooks. In this scene he has been rehearsing how he will hold out for the appropriate salary he wants for a new job he is interviewing for. I can so relate to this. The scene doesn't get to that actual part until 3:35.

A few months ago I was at a store and I noticed that they were giving away women's college basketball tickets. Seeing the big stack of free tickets on the counter just killed their posture. It smelled of desperation. It screamed out "the arena will be empty except for you and whoever else is bored enough to actually attend this game". They should have displayed them in a locked glass case if they wanted to add value.

Last year when I created my number combinations I started out by only asking $5 for them, but when there was no demand I increased the price to $49.95 and over the course of 4 months there has been absolutely no improvement. At least I know who's in charge.

I've learned my lesson with posture over the years. I now know not to plead and beg for readers to leave comments. In fact I've considered creating a lengthy and difficult screening process for new followers since I only want the best. Just kidding, I'll take anyone.

And the Winner is...

I just accidentally deleted today's post . That's not the first time I've done that either. Rather than try to remember and re-write it, I think I will take this opportunity to announce the winner of my Haiku Contest. It was very difficult to chose just one among so many quality entries. I have also tried to be careful since many of my followers are psychopaths and I'd hate to throw them into a fit of rage, but I can only have one winner.

After careful analysis I've decided that the winner is Kelly. Her blog is We Don't Mean to Brag... She is an army mom and her husband just recently got back from Iraq. Congratulations and thanks to both of you for your sacrifices. Thanks to everyone else for your entries and for your regular comments.

The Worst Answering Machine Ever

I've had problems with my cordless phones recently and only one of the two hand units was working so I finally threw them out and made a trip to Walmart and bought a new set. I know it's never a good idea to buy the cheapest model but the cost went from $34 up to $60 and above so I figured even a cheap phone would be better than the one I was so anxious to replace. Wrong.

The new phones seemed to be working well until I listened to our first message that someone left on the base unit's answering machine. It sounded like an emergency transmissions from Star Trek the Next Generation when the receptions is horrible and all you can hear is "static...attacked...static....Klingons, we need help..... static transmission ends". Our answering machine is so bad that it makes the above mentioned scenario sound as clear as the THX sound demo you hear before a movie.

I'm too lazy to take it back since I threw away the packing and didn't keep the receipt. I feel bad that I didn't splurge and buy the Fisher Price model that was the next step up. I don't want to bash any brand name so I'm not going to identify the manufacturer by name, but I did include a picture of the exact machine I look at each time I hear these indistinguishable noises. Seriously, all I hear is loud muffled noise that sounds like Charlie Brown's teacher talking. This has been very frustrating to me, but just today I realized that it could be a blessing in disguise.

I can't remember the last time I listened to a message on an answering machine and it warmed my heart or made my day. Most messages deal with having to call someone back or an invitation to do something you're not excited about. I'm actually starting to enjoy the privacy and seclusion. I still listen to my messages but since I can't understand a word of them I just hit delete as soon as the muffled static starts. It has been very liberating. I guess out of courtesy I should change the message to say "sorry we missed your call, feel free to leave a message but we won't be returning your call since we won't be able to understand a word of it. Have a nice day." I guess if it's serious enough then the caller can come see me in person.

Left Brain Impaired-I'm No Scientist

I have always been jealous of people who understand scientific and technical stuff. That is definitely not my strength. There are many things I don't understand, like how the Internet works, but I don't really care as long as it is always there for me. I am to science what nerds are to sports and what Brittany Spears is to modesty.

Some people have a dominant side of the brain they use. I'm definitely not a lefty. Those are people who are good at reasoning, logic, science, math, etc. I have always struggled with Geometry, Biology, Chemistry, and Algebra. I was going to say Calculus but I never made it anywhere near that far in math. I prefer the right side of the brain because there seems to be more gray area there (no pun intended). It doesn't deal with black and white and absolutes so I find it to be much more forgiving.

If I was asked to solve a math equation I'd start thinking about words that rhyme with equation. My mind would wander as I thought about making a movie called Equation Quest.Who would I cast to star in the movie? Already I've used up as much mental energy as it would take to solve the problem but I'm not any closer to knowing the answer. No I have never been diagnosed with ADD.

I'd prefer an essay question for a difficult math problem because I'd have a better chance of BS-ing my way through it. That has worked for me in the past except for the time when I wrote an essay about the book "How Green was my Valley" in High School. I had read the first several pages and that was it. I thought I had duped the teacher until after reading my paper she pointed out that it was good, but one of the main characters who I kept referring to as a man was actually a woman. I guess that blew my cover. It's not my fault that they had weird names.

I love tech stuff and I'm glad there are smart people in the world to make life better for us, but I'm just not one of them. If you are an architect, statistician, chemist, computer programmer, or someone in one of the other "smart" disciplines, you have my respect.

My Haiku Contest

Whoever came up with the concept of the haiku was either lazy, or had a great sense of humor. For those of you who are not familiar with them, a haiku is a form of Japanese poetry that uses 3 lines. The first line has 5 syllables, the second has 7, and the last has 5. I think the ideal job would be making up haikus all day long. Here is an example.

What is spam made of?

That meat is an enigma.
I think I'll pass thanks.

I imagine most of you have always wanted to enter a haiku contest but just couldn't afford the hefty down payment for your entry fee. Well I have some great news for you. I'm having a haiku contest and it's free! I've noticed that many blogs give stuff away as part of their contests, so as part of my efforts to get with the times I will be giving away a 2009 Hyundai Sonata to the winner. Not really, but that reminded me of another haiku.

Hyundai Sonata

I do not even own one
There's really no prize

I will actually be giving away something even more valuable than material goods-recognition. I will sing the winner praises and write about them on a future post. The rules are simple, just follow the standard formula explained above and reference the subject matter to any topic you have ever seen on my blog. This is not the kind of thing I would delegate to random selection software so I will personally be selecting the winner. The contest ends on Saturday so go ahead and post your 17 syllable comments before then.