The Hierarchy of Nuts

As much as I try to avoid controversy I really need to share my opinion on this topic. It's time that I address the topic of edible seeds of plants more commonly known as nuts. I'd like to start my analysis with my least favorite and work my way up to the best.

Walnuts-The grunt workers in the nut kingdom are walnuts. They're ok in brownies but many people dislike the abrasive texture and feel as though they were stung in the mouth by a stingray after eating them. I also don't care for the fact that they look like tiny brains.

Pinenuts-I'm not sure if these count as a real nut or not, but the strong association they have with people selling them out of their car on the side of the road causes me to place them at the lower end of the scale. They are also too soft and oily.

Peanuts-They are a popular staple and seem to be the nut for the common man. There is nothing fancy about them. I'm not a big fan of plain peanuts, but I like them in Cracker Jacks or if they are covered in chocolate. Sometimes they get a bad rap from people who are allergic to them.

Pecans- I was never a pecan fan until same one gave me a big bag of them for Christmas. After actually having them around and eating them for a while I think they are pretty good and will insert them here on the nut spectrum.

Pistachios- They are not as common and therefore give some variety to the nut kingdom. I think these salty treats are great except for when you get an unusually strong and stubborn shell that mocks you and refuses to share its valuable contents that it's protecting.

Almonds-We now evolve to a more superior nut which most people like. My sister used to bribe and reward me with Diamond smoked almonds as a little kid and I can still remember how good they tasted and smelled.

Cashews- They triumphantly sit atop the nut pyramid as the perfect nut. They are superior in texture, flavor, and appearance. They are great in ice cream, Chinese food, salad, or anything else. Years ago I had shoulder surgery and came back from the hospital and took my Oxycontin and proceeded to watch a video while eating an entire bag of trail mix from Costco. I can't even remember what I watched, but it was the best movie I've ever seen. I just remember how warm and happy I felt as I cherry picked the M & M's, almonds, and cashews from the trail mix. Maybe the painkillers biased me a little bit, but you have to admit cashews are great.

I'd be interested to know if anyone went 7 for 7 with me and agreed with my assessment. If not don't feel bad, we all make mistakes sometimes.