Deep Thoughts

Whenever I see shows that feature new technology that forensic scientists and investigators can now use to solve mysteries, I kind of feel sorry for criminals. They must get so stressed out watching those shows. Between that and America's Most Wanted, they must be developing some serious bleeding ulcers.

Heat can cover a multitude of sins. I recently bought some Arbys curly fries. I was late to an appointment and couldn't finish them all so I left half of them in the car. When I got back to my cold car several hours later, they were not as appetizing after the fat had lost its cloaking device and their true nature was revealed.

I am an expert at Martial Arts...If by martial arts you mean I'm good at going to my friend Marshall's house and coloring and drawing pictures with him.

I love it when a movie plot involves two rival groups temporarily joining forces to defeat a common enemy. It usually ends with one of them saying "This doesn't change anything between us" as they return to their old feud. I try to use that phrase as much as possible instead of you're welcome when people thank me for doing something nice for them.