Wednesday, March 17, 2010

My Adventure

It was 11:15 pm and my wife asked to go to the store to buy some medicine for our youngest child who had a fever. As I pulled into the store parking lot, a van pulled up alongside me. When I got out of my car, the driver of the van asked me if I knew I had a broken tail light. As I walked around to see the back of my car, the van door slid open and several guys came out and tried to get me inside. I took out two of them before they subdued me with a tranquilizer gun.

I woke up handcuffed and groggy in the back of their van with two big military types on each side of me. There was a man in the passenger seat who turned around and looked at me. He had dark slicked back hair and a goatee. I asked who he was and he said "I can be your friend or your enemy. It's up to you". I asked what he wanted and he said he would get to that later. He assured me that my family would be fine and would be watched and protected while I was away. He handed over a large envelope with papers in it to the guy on my left and he opened it and showed me the contents. There was a spread sheet with all of my debts and account numbers with a total balance. He said they'd be paid off when I returned. There was also an additional check made out to me for $750,000. He said it would be deposited once I finished helping them and he apologized for the inconvenience they may have caused me. We drove in silence for about 15 more minutes and as we approached the airport they offered me a bottle of water. I only had a few swallows before everything turned black.

When I woke up again I was in a comfortable bed and noticed I had an IV in my arm. I carefully pulled it out and tried looking for an exit. There were no windows and only one steel door in the room. As I was climbing up to examine an air vent the door opened and 3 men walked in. They called me by name and apologized for the "rough handling" but assured me I was in no danger. They said I had a lot to learn and asked that I accompany them to the briefing room where they would answer my questions. I followed them down a wide corridor and into an elevator. We went down several levels and came out in a huge foyer. They passed through a fingerprint and retinal scan to get into a large conference room with glass walls.

During our orientation I was still looking for escape exits or objects that could be used as weapons. They noticed that I was not paying attention and just chuckled and said even if I got back up to the surface there is no way I could cross the desert alone and asked that I give them my full attention. They said they would not disclose what they needed me to do until I was ready. They would only tell me I had a lot of preparation in store if I was going to compete with their other recruits.

They assigned me my personal trainer, martial arts instructor and a nutritionist, I was given a checkup and body scan before they implanted a trans dermal tracking device in my upper arm. I also had an instructor assigned to me to help me with the debriefing. He said that within the week, once I got up to speed, he'd give me access to the sealed historical files where the truth about the JFK assassination, area 54, and unknown 911 documents would be made shared with me.

Oh, never mind. That wasn't me. That must have been someone else. I just went to work as usual today, but I'm sure it will be full of excitement and adventure. Not just doing paperwork!


Kristina P. said...

Wait, are you Chuck Norris?

Eric said...

For a moment there, I thought you'd been recruited to work the 2010 Census.

Captain Mystery said...

You had me at tranquilizer gun.

Scope said...

I tend to be beset by ninjas myself. Damn ninjas.

I pimped your blog over at Scope-Tech today. Thanks for the follow.

MikkSolo said...

True. Though I know from personal experience, Kristina P., that CHAKA could kick Chuck Norris' but!

Kristina P. said...

Mr. Chaka, thank you so much for coming to my bloggy lunch! You are a brave, brave man to be with all those women.

Sorry I didn't get to see you sneak off. I hope you had a good time. Hope to see you again!

Kelly said...

Next time I want a post about the bloggy lunch. That may be just as action packed as this entry!

Watch your back man.

Andrew Rodriguez said...

The same exact scenario played out for me too a while back, well everything was the same except these guys tried to sell me stereo speakers from the back of their van....:)