Thursday, July 8, 2010

Surgery Insights

This morning I am going in for same day surgery to repair a bone spur and damaged bursa on my elbow. Since I have not posted for a while, I will take this opportunity to share some of my insights about hospitals, medical facilities, and health care providers. It will be kind of like a Bill Moyers special, but it won't be professionally done and only a handful of people will read this. I will start writing as soon as I get back.

Pain killers- Ten years ago after a shoulder surgery, I watched a Denzel Washington movie. I don't even remember what it was, but I watched it after taking my Oxycontin and while eating an entire bag of Costco trail mix. I just remember being warm, sweaty, and happy during the what little I can remember of the film. I now throw out prescription pain killers as soon as the pain subsides because I'm afraid of getting addicted to them.

Anaesthesia- It sure beats biting down on a stick! I always try to see how long I can go when they tell me to count backwards from 10. So far my record is 8. Why do so many guys from India have a corner on this occupation?

Scrubs-I was disappointed that there were no guitar strums or "bud dump bump ching" drum noises when I made witty comments to the hospital staff today. Nobody even laughed when I told them I was having a Siamese twin attached to me when the nurse asked what procedure I was having done today. My experience seemed less like a comedy and more like a documentary.

Doctors- I'm just grateful I don't live in the dark ages when the village "barber" performed medical procedures. "I'd like a trim with color treatment, and while you're at it could you remove my appendix?" Having qualified physicians and medical technology is a blessing.

Medical Transcriptionists- These people work very hard to decipher physicians encrypted dictations. They are the heroes behind the scenes of every surgery. Since you don't see these people at the hospital, most people don't realize what a crucial role they play, or how hot they are. Yes my wife is a transcriptionist.

So there you have it. Despite our country's need for health reform, I am still glad I can get medical attention (and a cool plastic bracelet with my name on it) when I really need it. Not being able to pay the procedure off for another year despite having insurance is a topic for another day. Sorry if there are typos, but I am not completely lucid. Didn't Edgar Allen Poe do his best work while he was stoned too?


Kelly said...

Good luck healing from your surgery. Is it the same elbow that had tendinitis before?

I loved the siamese twin statement btw. It got a laugh out here in my office : )

Kristina P. said...

I hope there's no Seinfeld Jr. Mint incident.

Ocean Girl said...

Thank you for the insights. They were insightful.

Now, listen to your wife and rest.

Eric said...

Oh this reminds me, I have that 100 year old bottle of Absinthe that I need to open this weekend so it doesn't go bad.

Nice Scrubs imagery there.

Cheeseboy said...

Chaka - Good luck on the surgery. I recommend you take some pain killers and watching a Denzel movie. Oh wait, you tried that? Maybe try watching Oprah. It will blow your mind.

Mary said...

I can't believe nobody laughed about the Siamese Twin procedure- I'm still laughing since you told me. And speaking of which, I'm looking forward to meeting "Lawrence".

Beckalita said...

My favorite was when, (in the throws of grogginess), you asked the nurse how everything went. When she said it all went great, you said, "So I look like Brad Pitt now?" I think you made her day!!!

You probably don't remember.

MC said...

Yeah, it used to be you would tell the barber surgeon what you wanted done, and just hoped they hadn't done anything too unsavory before they cut you open.

Hope you are feeling better.
A complete and total stranger just passing by ;)

MikkSolo said...

Recover soon! Ball is not the came without you.