Video Games Frustrations

I am not a big gamer, but I used to enjoy blowing money on video games when I was in Jr. High. My first introduction to video games happened when I was a little kid visiting my cousins and they had just purchased a Pong game. I was amazed at how cool it was. There were tons of options with the pong game such as paddle size. Several years later my own family was lucky enough to get an Atari 2600. The technology was light years ahead of pong. I got good very good at Space Invaders, Missile Command, Tank, Breakout, and Centipede. It has been a long time since I last played video games (a quarter century to be exact) so I was in for a rude awakening when I realized what changes had occurred in the industry.

My first experience happened while playing mortal kombat against a ten year old. I could not make sense of the complicated controller because there were way too many buttons and options, so all I could do was jump up and down and run backwards. Needless to say this does not describe any martial art so I got my butt kicked. I remember the feeling of being defenseless and powerless in the presence of a little kid who I knew I could probably take in real life. It all comes back to the joystick. Give me one black stick and one orange button. Let's keep it simple. I could probably learn to play the violin faster than I could learn how to work a modern day game controller.

My second unpleasant experience occurred when I was describing the the glory days of Atari to my kids. I had told them stories about how cool the games were, but when they actually saw what the graphics looked like they mocked me. They asked "is that tower of Legos supposed to be a person?" It went beyond mocking to uncontrolled hysterical laughing and then they kept asking "Are you serious?" It hurt to hear their critical words, but deep down I knew they were right.

My third bad experience came from trying to play war strategy games like War Craft and Star Craft. These games are way too complicated. You have to start a civilization from scratch. You can't do anything until you grow crops, mine for ore to make weapons, pay taxes, get zoning permits, hold elections for city council, etc. Space Invaders never did that to me. I would just watch for the aliens and fire. The other thing that bugged me was cheats. It seems that all the games these days have some stupid code that can make you invincible and it spoils the fun.

My fourth bad experience is a more recent one. I enjoy looking up youtube highlights from the NBA. I recommend their daily top 10 plays. Sometimes I will click on a box that says something like "Vince Carter monster dunk". I am looking forward to seeing the action then I realize it is a stupid video game! Who puts video game highlights on youtube? What really makes me mad is the graphics are so good today that you can't tell by looking at the small box if it is real footage or a video game or not until you start watching it.

Looking back I have to admit that my memories of how great things were may have been biased and have probably improved in my memory over time. After reviewing the evidence I have to say the new generation of video games are far superior. I will be the first to admit that technology is much better today than it was in the 80's, but I will never say that about the music. I will go head to head against anyone when it comes to defending 80's music, but there is no need to do so now since I'm sure that will be a future topic.

Obama Urges Moms to Read Chaka's World

I'd like to address the many annoying online ads that I regularly see each time I check my e-mail. I feel a little hypocritical ripping on ads since I am guilty of allowing third parties to use my blog space for their advertisements, but hopefully none of the ads I will discuss have ever reared their ugly faces on my blog.

The first ads that moved around to get your attention that I remember were with little dancing silhouettes. Then they evolved into cowboy line dancers. These ads stop their teaser activity after a few seconds but you can keep it going by putting your mouse over the ad. I admit I have had the mentality of a three year old and moved the cursor over the cowboys so I could keep watching them dance but I never refinanced my home with their company as a result.

There are the "can you name this celebrities" type of quizzes. They will show some body's famous lips, eyes, tattoo, etc. and ask who they belong to. Another version asks very easy pop culture trivia questions and you click on their ad to submit your answer.

The most insulting advertisements are the skin care simulations that show before and after pictures. The before pictures look like a gorilla that has third degree burns on its face, and then after using their product a young beautiful model with a fair complexion appears. Wow! I've never seen such dramatic results. Where can I purchase this wonder balm? I'm sold. More disturbing than the fake skin comparisons are the disgusting weight loss ads that features neck and tricep fat that jiggles around.

The most recent trend I have noticed are the "I'm crazy ripped" ads for some new wonder product that scientists have just discovered that makes you "crazy ripped". Some of the models they feature make me a little uncomfortable like I'm looking at a Chippendale's calender. The other problem is that I don't want to be crazy ripped, I want to be "freaky chiseled". Maybe someone can come up with a product that can take me to that next step.

Over the last year I have noticed that Obama has been urging moms to go back to school. This ad used to have two attractive women (by computer animation standards) walking side by side. It has recently changed to show two haggled zombie women frantically running. This illogical ad was what pushed me over the edge and made me write this post. Whoever designed this ad makes the 1982 Atari graphics look amazing.

In summary, if you want to advertise on the Internet, use the most obnoxious ridiculous methods you can imagine. It may not make people buy your product, but it will probably provide them with life long memories they can share with their grand children. Maybe I can create an ad that features a drunk guy who is about to throw up with a little count down timer and if you don't click on the ad in time to stop him, then you get to see the mess. I just may have a future creating Internet ads.

My Generation

Some days I feel like I'm getting old. I think this started years ago the first time someone addressed me as sir. Despite being so hip and cool, sometimes I think the younger generation doesn't relate to me very well. There have been many technological improvements in the last 40 years, which I'm okay with, but I am more concerned about the pop cultural references and jokes I make that are unappreciated by younger people.

So to help you understand where I am coming from, I'm sharing the following memories to help you see if we grew up around the same time.

You might be from my generation if you...

* know what people are talking about when they say phrases like "Dynomite!", "smiles everyone", or "don't make me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry."

* remember when MTV used to actually play music videos.

* have never worn your pants down around your knees.

* were ever impressed with the Atari 2600 game graphics.

* know what it was like to watch a football game on TV without the enhanced digitized yard markers.

* have actually "dialed" a telephone number or you didn't grow up with caller ID. Answering the phone back then was like playing Russian roulette.

* remember Rerun sneaking a giant tape recorder into a Doobie Brothers Concert on What's Happening.

* remember when soda can pull tabs came completely off.

* remember when the only people who had cell phones were doctors and 4 star generals.

* remember your Saturday morning cartoons were laced with School House Rock.

* know the sound effect that a bionic limb makes when it is used.

* were regularly piled into the back of a station wagon with your brothers and sisters without seat belts.

* can't remember seeing any of your favorite NBA players with a visible tattoo.

* thought Disney movies had amazing special effects.

* remember worrying for your life the night sky lab fell to earth.

* you know what music group sang the title to this post.