Monday, May 4, 2009

All Star Wrestling

I have a confession to make. I used to watch All Star Wrestling. I haven't for quite a while, but during my pre-teen years it had quite an appeal to me. I think that's because wrestling is aimed at the pre-teen mentality. If you ever want to see something frightening just look at the people in the crowd at a WWE event. Back when I watched wrestling the participants were not skanky women models. They were guys like The Junk Yard Dog, The Claw, The Iron Sheik, Jimmy Superfly Snuka, The Road Warriors, Andre the Giant, and The British Bulldogs. Those were the early days of Vince McMahon before he took over the mantle of Satan.

Today there are tons of high profile wrestlers. Back in the 80's there were many no name wrestler who's job was to get beat up every match. They were to wrestling what the Washington Generals are to the Globe Trotters. They reminded me of the extras you'd see on Star Trek who you knew would die within the first five minutes of the episode. I felt bad for them but I felt worse for the wrestlers who had such lame names, themes, costumes, and trademark moves. Some of these were The Rooster, Coco B. Ware, IRS, Hillbilly Jim, and the Honkey Tonk Man. Wrestling is definitely a place where you have to work your way up from the bottom.

There have been some classic moments over the years. My favorite and funniest move of all time was when an opponent would put a sleeper hold on Hulk Hogan. The ref would hold his hand up and it would be limp as he was about to pass out. He'd do it again but still no response. He'd be ready to call the match but on the third test Hulk's finger starts to wag like Dikembe Mutombo and says "Oh no you don't!" He then starts shaking violently and somehow makes it to his feet. He then breaks the hold and pummels the bad guys several times and then finishes him of in victorious fashion much to the delight of the screaming fans in the arena. Now that's entertainment.

I like the line in Liar Liar when his son asked if wrestling is real Jim Carey says "In the Olympics yes, on channel 23 no". You gotta love the incompetent blind refs and the weekly betrayal and drama between the wrestlers. I wish more sports required the participants to give an emotional speech prior to an event. Can you see Tiger Woods screaming about how he was going to make Phil Mikkelson wish he was never born by the end of the day? Wrestling is really just a soap opera on steroids. Literally. I will never say that to a wrestler's face after seeing what happened to John Stossil when he told David Schultz it was all fake and got beat up. In defense of wrestling I admit that there are some amazing athletes. Even if it is fake, you have to admit that it takes amazing skill to do a back flip off the top ropes and body slam someone without killing both participants.

I don't watch much TV anymore, but if I ever find myself flipping channels and come across wrestling it reminds me of a car wreck. I know I should just keep driving but I sure feel the urge to stop and watch. Thanks to my wife I am not able to indulge in the grappling drama for more than a few seconds without getting a disgusted look and a finger wag very similar to Hulk Hogan's. At lease I have matured a little over the years and have moved from All Star Wrestling to Ultimate Fighting instead.


Eric said...

Never was much of a wrestling fan, I did however spend time watching Most Extreme Elimination Challenge.

Kristina P. said...

My husband totally watches this too. In fact, I have an idea for a post written down, but I've had a hard time forumlating it, so we'll see what happens. I just laugh and laugh.

Bee and Rose said...

I had a 90 yr old great aunt who loved wrestling! She was a huge fan! lol! It really does require athletic skill to fake it safely!

Anonymous said...

I'm an unashamed wrestling fan and the best thing is I've now managed to corrupt my step-son too, so now I have a reason to watch it again.

No longer is wrestling my sad, daggy little secret - now it's not only out in the open but also classed as legitimate "bonding". If only life were always that simple.

Great posting.

Guenos Dias! said...

Oh. My. God. Yes.

I so badly wanted to be Superfly Snuka that I would jump off the back of the couch screaming, "She comes off the top rope! Oh, nooooooo!" Thankfully noone in my family felt the need to tell me that I was a tiny white girl and not a giant Fijian man.

Don't forget The Macho Man Randy Savage!

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

it became boring once I was told that it was all staged!

Kelly said...

What's next? Monster truck racing?!

Big D said...

Fantastic description Chaka, remember when Hulk Hogan picked up Andre the Giant and body slammed him? I think that was the pinnacle for both of them and I heard something snap... neither of them were quite the same after that. I think Hulk crushed a disk and Andre suffered internal injuries that eventually led to his untimely demise... Oh well, live and learn I guess.

Beckalita said...

Hah! You ALMOST made me appreciate the art of it all. Naaah.