Thursday, May 14, 2009

Just Socks

With the unprecedented success I had with my post about shoe tying, I have decided to follow Hollywood's example and follow up with a sequel "Socks the Final Destination". Socks are one of my favorite articles of clothing, especially when they are new. I handle new socks with the respect that they deserve. Looking into a drawer full of socks can be an emotional experience for me. I love socks. I enjoy putting away my laundry if my socks are involved because it's kind of like doing a puzzle. I'll admit it's not a very hard puzzle, but it's still a confidence booster and I'm all about baby steps.

I have some very lofty ideals about socks and I think most people are slackers when it comes to proper stocking care. Last year I bought my wife a 12 pack of footy socks from Costco and within a few months nearly half of the pairs were missing their soul mate. (No pun intended) This is a problem because each pair of socks had a unique design and they have been rendered useless without their mate. To avoid this dilemma, some people just buy a large pack of identical socks so when ones gets lost or ruined they can just match it up with a similar one from the same batch. I think this is cheating. It's like opening your presents on Christmas eve or buying your kid a replacement goldfish after theirs dies without telling them. Every sock is unique and deserves a mate.

I'm sure there are seperated socks in landfills and rag bags all around the world. If I were a politician my battle cry would be "a match for every sock" and I don't care how much I had to tax the masses, I would fix this problem. Nothing hurts my soul more than a nearly new sock that is missing it's match. Even when I buy a 6 pack of identical socks I still try to keep the original matches together. My socks have a very low separation rate. Here are some of the sock rules I live by.
1. Remember that every sock is unique and has value.
2. Never wear socks outside without shoes.
3. Don't roll socks into balls, it kills the elastic.
4. Never Wear socks that don't match.
5. When a sock gets holes in it, it should be retired respectfully like an old flag.

I could go on but but this is a hard topic to keep people interested in and I am probably scaring you by going into so much detail on a subject most people don't think twice about. Socks help us with fashion, cushioning, warmth, and, hygiene. Please don't take them for granted.

12 comments:

Gwen said...

I love the squeezy feel of new socks. Love.

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

how about tying them up by the middle when you put them in the wash...that's the main avenue through which socks get lost, right?!

Gilligan said...

Funny you should be praising the sock during a period of such anti-sock sentiment. Kids now don't like to show their socks ("no shows")- there's never been so little sock respect as today.

I remember when we wore them to our knees proudly - often with bold stripes. We weren't ashamed of our socks - we embraced them. (sniff)

Chaka said...

I'm glad to see I have some true sock comrades. I remember the knee high sport socks with wide stripes. Those were good times.

Girl Interrupted said...

Hahaha ... Chaka, I love the way you write! :P

I love it more than socks.

*scared look at mention of knee high socks with big stripes*

Eric said...

Please tell me that you all don't do the socks with sandals thing...

Massage MAN said...

I'd say this Really SOCKS but I couldn't agree more with the puzzle and the reverence given to each pair

Anonymous said...

Amen to socks! I never go a day without them and I think women's legs look sexy in socks....over the ankle. I love calves so no kneesocks! And who cares what the footwear is? Whats the big thing about socks and sandles?? Anyway I hate this disturbing trend of no socks...or those hideous footie things!
The best is when a woman wears long pants and the socks slip a little below the pants, revealing a little leg between! MMMM OK calm down Ed :))

Anonymous said...

Just finished you blog about socks. I can't inmagine a more narrow minded reactionary claptrap. Were you born with socks on your feet? No the Maker intended for our feet to be FREE! The footprints of early man have been found imbedded in the soft sands of Mother Earth, preserved for millions of years. Had they been wearing socks, this unique historical record would have been lost and we would never know that Homohabilis was pigeon toed. You probably wear polyester!
-Captain Flip-Flop

Anonymous said...

Geesh, I'm glad they didn't wear socks back then, or we would have no history! And I'm glad I wasn't around then! Now we are all free to wear socks and use microwave ovens and cell phones and computers and all the other stuff we weren't born with! Isn't that great?

Beckalita said...

We don't wear socks in the sandals, but we do tuck our sweatshirts into our jeans...NOT!

Atzimba said...

I too, cannot stand wearing socks without shoes outside, or seeing someone do that. I am just glad I don't do that person's laundry...so I guess it's ok if they do.
I have been fighting the 'somedays need' to wear my husbands socks.... I guess I need to buy more for me. But now, being away from home with just one suitcase per person, I just cannot bear to wear his socks anymore and have him go to work in sandals, I miss it though they are very comfortable... I know what I am buying for me next time 'sock shopping comes around.