My Generation

Some days I feel like I'm getting old. I think this started years ago the first time someone addressed me as sir. Despite being so hip and cool, sometimes I think the younger generation doesn't relate to me very well. There have been many technological improvements in the last 40 years, which I'm okay with, but I am more concerned about the pop cultural references and jokes I make that are unappreciated by younger people.

So to help you understand where I am coming from, I'm sharing the following memories to help you see if we grew up around the same time.

You might be from my generation if you...

* know what people are talking about when they say phrases like "Dynomite!", "smiles everyone", or "don't make me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry."

* remember when MTV used to actually play music videos.

* have never worn your pants down around your knees.

* were ever impressed with the Atari 2600 game graphics.

* know what it was like to watch a football game on TV without the enhanced digitized yard markers.

* have actually "dialed" a telephone number or you didn't grow up with caller ID. Answering the phone back then was like playing Russian roulette.

* remember Rerun sneaking a giant tape recorder into a Doobie Brothers Concert on What's Happening.

* remember when soda can pull tabs came completely off.

* remember when the only people who had cell phones were doctors and 4 star generals.

* remember your Saturday morning cartoons were laced with School House Rock.

* know the sound effect that a bionic limb makes when it is used.

* were regularly piled into the back of a station wagon with your brothers and sisters without seat belts.

* can't remember seeing any of your favorite NBA players with a visible tattoo.

* thought Disney movies had amazing special effects.

* remember worrying for your life the night sky lab fell to earth.

* you know what music group sang the title to this post.

The Blog Laugh Track

I am not a fan of laugh tracks. It is insulting that people should need an artificial stimulus to let them know when something is funny. I always felt bad for TV shows that used one because even if something was funny, it kind of ruined things. I understand that people have different tastes and some people may not have a sense of humor at all, so a laugh track can provide beneficial cues so they know when to laugh. In the spirit of the laugh track I though I would try an experiment.

Last year I wrote a post about the differences between men and women. I don't think it went over too well since there were no comments on it, so in an effort to feel better about myself and as a public service to let people know what is funny, I am going to post some excerpts from it again, but this time I have highlighted the funny parts in red in case you were wondering.

The Difference Between the Sexes

I was going to call this entry "The Difference Between Men and Women", but I thought I'd experiment to see if my web traffic would go up if I use the word sex in the title of this post instead. If you are new to this blog and just got directed here from a web search, sorry to let you down, but welcome anyway.

I am not smart enough to write a book about men and women and planets, but I do have some observations I'd like to share. I admit these are obvious generalizations, but for the most part they hold true. There are many differences between men and women, but I've found that the obvious physical ones are the least of them.

Shopping-I hate shopping. I don't mind buying groceries since food makes me happy, but if I have to go shopping, I want to get it done fast. The two worst places to go shopping with a woman are 1) for clothes, and 2) to a fabric store. Clothes shopping takes forever and my feet and legs literally give out after only a few minutes of following my wife around. She has learned not to take me along since I only rain on her parade. Fabric stores are even worse. These are stores full of bolts of fabric and patterns. These store are actually quite fascinating if by "fascinating" you mean totally boring.There are usually only a few places to sit down and you can see tired husbands fighting for seats like a game of musical chairs. Luckily they have magazines you can read in case you are waiting for a woman who happens to be checking out every single bolt of fabric in the store. Unfortunately all the magazines are about fabric!

Multi Tasking-It seems that women can do a variety of things at the same time. (One of these is usually talking on the phone). The fairer sex can carry on conversations, cook, clean, send e-mails, and discipline kids all at the same time. I need peace and quiet just to open a can of peaches. Guys are like DOS and women like Windows. Women are almost always better at multi-tasking than men except for one area...

Watching TV-I just said that men are bad mutli-taskers but this is the one exception. I can watch 3 or 4 TV shows at the same time and have excellent comprehension of each program. It's kind of like speed reading but instead of impressing people it just annoys them. A guy obviously invented the channel jump feature on a remote control. I can tell if something is worth watching in a fraction of a second. My wife is not as judgemental. She is more of an optimist and thinks the total gym infomercial might get better the second or third time watching it. She will watch a show for several minutes to decide if it has any merit. This can be frustrating since my superpowers that help me determine within a split second if I should change the channel.. Women want to know what is on TV, Men want to know what else is on TV.

Chaka's World was typed in front of a live audience.

Movie Insights

Over the weekend I was able to pry my wife away from her work and finally get her to a movie. I splurged and took her to Robin Hood at the dollar theater which was where we had our first date to see The Dream Team 21 years ago. We had a good time and the cinematic experience reminded me of some of the things that I do and don't like about going to the movies.

Loud Viewers-We happened to have some super sensitive laughers sitting right behind us. During the previews they went crazy laughing with an uncontrollable rage at anything that resembled comedy during the previews. There were probably 4 or 5 comical parts of the movie we were watching, and they didn't miss their cue to go crazy laughing at each of them.  I was just grateful that we weren't watching a comedy since these guys could bust a gut while watching Schindler's List.

Commericals-One of my favorite things about going to the movies is watching the previews, yet one of my least favorite things is watching all the garbage they play before the previews like Axe or Keebler Elf commercials. Is it just me or is anyone else annoyed with the Cinemark "First Look" format? It's one thing to watch the same repetitive ads each time you go to the movies, but what really drives me crazy is when they summarize everything they have been showing for the previous half hour as if there is going to be a test and they are reviewing all of the material so we don't forget anything.

Noisy Kids-Years ago I went to see The Water Boy. It was a matinee showing and there were only about 4 of us in the theater. Just as the movie started, 2 ladies brought in a group of about 12 little kids who must have been at a birthday party. Yes, they sat right behind me and I could have sworn they were breaking a pinata during the movie because it was so noisy.

Bad Seats-One of the worst things is when you get to the movie late and are forced to sit in the first two rows. This is even worse for your eyes than looking directly into the sun! I refuse to watch a movie in the front section of a theater after having done so on a few occasions. I have empathy for the poor souls who come in late and try to find decent seats in the dark before they finally give up an sit in the front row.

I don't want to sound like a whiner. Even a bad day at the movies is better than a good day at work. I love movies so much that I have a separate blog dedicated to that subject. If you are ever looking for some very mediocre reviews with random insights, you might want to check out The Movie Guy.

So Much Pun

I recently came across a sister site to Totally Looks Like, Fail Blog, and Kludges. It's called So Much Pun. Here is a sample of the stuff you will find there. Some of them are groaner puns, but I thought they were pretty funny.

The New Batman Trailer

The Cos of Death

Algorithym

An Apology to My Fellow Bloggers

Over the last few weeks I have gotten out of my usual blogging routine. I had some minor surgery and then a few days later went to scout camp for a week to recuperate. As a result, I have not posted as faithfully as I would have liked to. Even worse than my neglect for my own blog is the long term trend of neglect towards the many blogs I like to follow. Over the last couple of months I have had a hard time visiting them. I am sorry about this and will commit to visit the 100 or so blogs I follow within the next 30 days.

Some of you might ask how I will be able to do this while working two jobs and trying to carry out my other family, community, and church responsibilities. I will probably drop more important things in order to make the time. Being "busy" is a relative thing.  Occasionally I will run across a person who is complaining about how busy they are. They will say something like "I'm just swamped, I'm a newlywed, in school, and working part time". What I would give to experience that again. That person's nightmare is my dream vacation and their sympathy story with sad background violins quickly turns into amusing circus music as I laugh at their comment. I'm not trying to be rude or outdo anyone, but just be careful who you complain to about certain things.

As busy as I think I am, my wife has an even more hectic schedule than I do. She is beyond burning the candle at both ends, she has actually dropped her candle in a lava pit. I know if we keep up our insane schedules then we will either burn out or eventually go postal. I just hope that doesn't happen when someone is attempting to tell us how busy their life is.

I have learned that one of the main reasons why people are so busy is because of trying to earn enough money to survive, I'm pretty sure my wife and I would still work 4 jobs even if we were multi-millionaires-NOT! So in an effort to relieve some stress, I am going to open up a primo advertising spot on my blog. For only $999 per month you can rent some space on Chaka's World and get you message out to nearly half a dozen people every single day!

I am expecting responses from companies like Nike, McDonalds, Coke, and Disneyland, but if those don't pan out I will drop the price for teenagers who are willing to pay a couple bucks to announce things like "Steve Holt Rules!" Does this count as Internet panhandling?

The Top 10 Reasons to read Chaka's World

Since I am typing with one hand these days, I thought I'd just do a quick post and remind you of some of the reasons why people should read my post. I am not into bragging, but I have learned that if I don't promote my blog then people may not read it. You have to sell the sizzle. Here are the top 10 reasons to stay tuned to Chaka's World.

1. It's family friendly. If you are an orphan or a widow, I am still friendly. I try yo keep things on a PG level, but since I am an immature guy I may have some occasional PG-13 flare ups.
2. For free amusement and entertainment.
3. For the picture of the month feature.
4. For the links to my other movie and fitness blogs.
5. For the occasional post about a serious topic that might actually have some substance to it.
6. To read the comments of the many talented commenters which are much better than my posts.
7. To stretch your brain and look at everyday topics in a new light. (I take no responsibility if you need therapy after prolonged exposure to my blog.)
8. To keep you regular.
9. To fuel my unquenchable thirst for pride and power and to eventually help me achieve world domination.
10. Do it for the children of the world. Especially for the ones in 3rd world countries.

Surgery Insights

This morning I am going in for same day surgery to repair a bone spur and damaged bursa on my elbow. Since I have not posted for a while, I will take this opportunity to share some of my insights about hospitals, medical facilities, and health care providers. It will be kind of like a Bill Moyers special, but it won't be professionally done and only a handful of people will read this. I will start writing as soon as I get back.

Pain killers- Ten years ago after a shoulder surgery, I watched a Denzel Washington movie. I don't even remember what it was, but I watched it after taking my Oxycontin and while eating an entire bag of Costco trail mix. I just remember being warm, sweaty, and happy during the what little I can remember of the film. I now throw out prescription pain killers as soon as the pain subsides because I'm afraid of getting addicted to them.

Anaesthesia- It sure beats biting down on a stick! I always try to see how long I can go when they tell me to count backwards from 10. So far my record is 8. Why do so many guys from India have a corner on this occupation?

Scrubs-I was disappointed that there were no guitar strums or "bud dump bump ching" drum noises when I made witty comments to the hospital staff today. Nobody even laughed when I told them I was having a Siamese twin attached to me when the nurse asked what procedure I was having done today. My experience seemed less like a comedy and more like a documentary.

Doctors- I'm just grateful I don't live in the dark ages when the village "barber" performed medical procedures. "I'd like a trim with color treatment, and while you're at it could you remove my appendix?" Having qualified physicians and medical technology is a blessing.

Medical Transcriptionists- These people work very hard to decipher physicians encrypted dictations. They are the heroes behind the scenes of every surgery. Since you don't see these people at the hospital, most people don't realize what a crucial role they play, or how hot they are. Yes my wife is a transcriptionist.

So there you have it. Despite our country's need for health reform, I am still glad I can get medical attention (and a cool plastic bracelet with my name on it) when I really need it. Not being able to pay the procedure off for another year despite having insurance is a topic for another day. Sorry if there are typos, but I am not completely lucid. Didn't Edgar Allen Poe do his best work while he was stoned too?