Involuntary Egging

I was just reminiscing the other day about a near death experience I had as a teenager. When I was a senior in high school my friends called me on a Friday night and said they were going to a dance and invited me to come along. I told them I guess I would but I had a big basketball game the next day so I couldn't stay out too late. Several minutes later they came by and honked and I hopped in their old Suburban with the four of them.

They missed the turn for the dance and kept driving. I pointed this out and they just smiled and said they decided to do something else instead. They drew my attention to a carton of eggs and a bucket of plums they had with them. I was furious because I knew they were planning on doing something stupid and I was the scaredy cat of the group. Back when I was in grade school some friends talked me into throwing snowballs at cars and that didn't turn out so well. I had never done anything like that since then. By the way, never throw a snowball at a Mustang.

They kept driving until we got to Center street. This is where a certain crowd would hang out on the weekends. They'd cruise up and down the street showing off their cars, pickups, and, motorcycles. It was typically a tougher and less educated group that dragged the streets. This was their version of going to a dance. My friends loved making fun of these guys. It was kind of like the Greasers and the Socials, but Leif Garrett wasn't with us. We pulled into an ally behind Center street and backed the suburban up so they were able to climb on top of it and get up on the roofs of the buildings that overlooked the weekend cruising activities. They invited me to come. I wanted nothing to do with it so my response was "You guys are idiots. Let's go home."

I sat by myself in the car for a very quiet and lonely ten minutes and then all of a sudden I heard feet jumping onto the roof of the suburban. The doors flung open and they were screaming like girls saying "Hurry! Go Go Go! As they were getting in the car one of them broke an egg on our windshield. They all scrambled in but then they started freaking out since they couldn't find the keys. After fumbling around for a few seconds, the driver finally found them and peeled across the parking lot running over the parking dividers as if they didn't exist. He pulled out onto the street and sped away.

We drove a couple blocks and then I turned around and saw the scariest site I had seen in my entire life. There was a convoy of trucks, jeeps, and motorcycles chasing us. I'm not exaggerating when I say it looked like a scene from Mad Max. After two or three more blocks of pursuit, the car in front of us stopped at a red light and we were pinned in.

Several vehicles pulled up along side of us and a guy with long hair jumped off his motorcycle and tried opening the door. Luckily we had just locked them before he got there. He kicked the door and was screaming that he was going to kill us. I thought I was going to die, but then the impossible happened. I saw light bulbs light up above two of my friend's heads. We were all cowering in the center of the suburban with the doors locked when my friends let loose with the foulest language I had ever heard them speak. They pointed to the windshield which had an egg smashed on the front of it and started yelling back "We are after the same blankety-blanks! Look what they did to our car! They were shaking with rage and were nearly in tears. I knew it was actually fear but it was very convincing.

What happened next was even more miraculous. My friends said "Let's catch the *!#%!*s who did this! We'll go this way and you guys go straight." It was just like a Bugs Bunny cartoon. I was in total shock as we turned left and the entire procession of road warriors aka Yosemite Sam drove straight through the intersection in pursuit of the eggers. My life had been jeopardized by my friends but they had also saved it thanks to their quick thinking. It also helped to have a gullible adversary. I had them drop me off a block away from my house just in case we were being followed. I ran home and went straight to my room. I was shaking in my bed for hours before I could fall asleep. That's what friends are for.