Wednesday, April 8, 2009

When Chiropractors Attack

The first time I went to the chiropractor it was an interesting experience. I can't remember exactly why I went, but I think I was having some lower back pain. When I got to his office I noticed a table that looked similar to a massage table so I was looking forward to the treatment. He had me lie face down and he started palpating and adjusting my back. He worked his way up my spine and told me to hold still. Then all of a sudden he did the Rambo move that you see green berets do in movies when they sneak up on the enemy and snap their neck.

It made a loud cracking noise and I couldn't believe what had just happened. I was even more surprised that I had survived his attack since I had seen this move done hundreds of times in the movies but had never seen anyone survive it. While I was still in shock and trying to figure out how I should feel about this, he said "Now just relax while I do the other side". Yeah sure I'm totally going to relax now that I know what's in store! Ever since then it has been stressful for me when a chiropractor is making adjustments on me neck.

The other procedure I dislike is when they push down so hard on your back to get things into alignment. It's not that it hurts, I'm just embarrassed by the stupid noises that come out of my mouth as he forces the air out of my lungs. I feel like a human bagpipe when this happens but it doesn't sound nearly as cool.

Chiropractors are an interesting bunch and their battle cry is often "subluxation is the root of all evil". I've been to many different chiropractors over the years and I have nothing against them. Like all professions, I'm sure there are good and bad ones. I 'm not trying to bash the profession, I'm just pointing out some of the things I don't like about my visits. I have however noticed that this is a profession that frequently introduces patients to other health practices that are often controversial. They are the gate keepers to the portals of alternative medicine.

16 comments:

Kristina P. said...

I haven't been to a chiropractor in years, but when I was in college, I developed pretty severe lower pack pain. It's still there sometimes.

Oh, and I'm a ncek and back popper, so I love that sound when they adjust me.

BTW, I saw your previous post that you deleted. I am watching you.

Chaka said...

I've hit the publish post button by mistake a couple times lately and some sloppy half written drafts have gone out to people's readers. I need to be more careful and implement some security protocols to my blogging. Maybe something where myself and another person have to turn two keys at the same time before a post is released.

Kelly said...

I remember an experience I had at the Chiropractor's office back when I was just a newly wed. I am totally serious when I tell you that just before he lead me back into his torture chamber (and also in front of my new husband), he sprayed a two squirts of breath spray in his mouth! My husband decided to follow us back into the back room.

Kelly said...

PS- What gives with the withholding on your paper towel dispenser talents? I only read the first 2 lines and then was shunt (as the Amish say). Maybe it's still a work in progress...

Sass said...

I'm not a big fan of chiropractors.

The way you described it is exactly right!

Candy's daily Dandy said...

HAHAHAAHA!
I'm laughing for two reasons:

1. Because the "sounds that come out of your mouth"-yup, I can so relate to that.

2. My friend from college is a Chiro and he tells me that it's all he can do to surpress his laughter when her presses down hard on a patient and they accidentally release a loud, boom from the butt region.

Jeanne said...

"Human bagpipe." I nearly blew a grape out my right nostril on that one. (Reminder to self: be careful what you're eating while reading Chaka's blog.)

I hear you on the unintentional post front. I meant to post Old Joke #13 on Tuesday, which has proven a good window for cobweb-draped humor, and accidentally posted it on Sunday. Before I could delete it, three people had already commented, so I left it. I think they were the only 3 who ever saw it.... (Okay, maybe not, but it didn't fare especially well.)

Girl Interrupted said...

Chiropractors = Reincarnated torturers from the Spanish Inquisition

Rachel said...

I'm planning on writing a book based on my 4 month stint as a front office manager at a chiropractic office. The Doc was on the loonier side of alternative medicine. I have to preface every story I tell about her with "Now, I'm not making this up..."

Lisa Loo said...

Found you in the comment section at Life just Keeps getting Weirder. I am a middle aged, mother of 5, live in the middle of nowehre Montana--so really am of no interest to you--BUT--I just had to say that when I saw your pic--I had some wild deja vu memories come flooding back! Whoa--makes me wonder what my Mom put in my cereal that I was eating for breakfast when I watched this on Saturday morning!

Vodka Mom said...

not a fan of chiropractors.

We can't ALL love them.

Big D said...

I view chiropractors as a medical "crack" dealer. Not just because they crack your back but because you have to keep going back again to get your fix. It seems that with chiropractors you have no cure, only another appointment on the way out.... forever.

Anna Lefler said...

"Human bagpipe!" You LOLed me, dude!

BWA-HA-HA!

(I know what you mean about the Green Beret move, though. So wrong...and yet so right.)

Thanks for your sweet comment on my blog today, BTW.

Take care...

:^) Anna

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

I prefer to do all my chiropractical needs with a dented up metal trash can.

Bee and Rose said...

I actually counted the word "subluxation" over 75 times in various locations of the waiting room once. I felt like I was being taunted by that word!

Eric said...

A chiropractor once told a girl I knew that they could cure her colds. That was enough for me to make up my mind about them. Have you read about the news stories where the neck jerking stuff can cause clots and stroke? Charlatans...