Monday, May 13, 2013

Creating Controversy

I have always tried hard to not make waves on this blog, but today I'd like to speak my mind. I'm not going to share my opinion on gay marriage, abortion, religion, or politics, but rather some other topics that I am equally passionate about. I may step on some toes and offend readers but I don't care, I've got to express how I really feel about the following topics.

Cool Ranch Doritos- I love Doritos...unless they come in a blue package. Cool ranch is an abomination. Taco Bell spraying the magic cool ranch dust on their tacos does nothing for me. It's either nacho cheese or nothing for me. While I'm on the topic or ranch, let me just say that ranch dressing is way over-rated. I think it's fine on salad, or for dipping vegetables, but I see teens dipping bread, pizza, and all manner of food into ranch dressing. Take it easy people.

Skateboarding- I know this will sound very judgemental, but I have always considered skateboarding to be a loitering sport and I don't just say that because I suck at it. When I see kids hanging out with skateboards they give off some bad vibes to me and I think it is just a matter of time until jumping over steps escalates to vandalizing stuff.

Bartering- I can't stand haggling in order to buy a product. If I have to go to a foreign country I don't worry about the language or my security nearly as much as I worry about having to barter and negotiate purchases. Some people love to bargain with a vendor and talk down the purchase price. I feel it is a meaningless victory and a waste of time. Let's not play games.

Seafood- I am not ashamed to admit I am scared of large bodies of water and don't care to eat anything that comes out of them either. I don't get what the big deal is about lobster, crab, and fish. Stuff like mussels, squid, and oysters take it up a notch and just make seafood that much more disgusting.

Golf- I should probably not criticize golf until I try it, but it just seems so boring, expensive, and time consuming. Golf is to America what fox hunting is to England. I know it takes concentration and is a mental game but I'd be more apt to watch it if the "athletes" actually worked up a sweat during the event. Even ping pong players move around more than golfers.

Health Food Stores- I was going to buy my wife a $25 gift card at a health food store until I realized they didn't have any merchandise under $25. I appreciate people making healthier food choices, but I sometimes question if some of the organic, gluten free, etc. products are just an excuse to charge double. I wonder how many products in a health food store are not really that healthy and are just riding on the coat tails or the reputation the health food store has.

YouTube comment trolls- I can't stand the comments cocky punks leave while watching videos. Any athletic event I see always has people bragging in the comments section about how they are so much faster or better than the athlete being featured. Guess what kid on the 10th grade track team? Nobody cares how fast your time is for the 100 meter sprint so don't brag about your accomplishments. If you want to tell people how great you are then post your own video!

Ripped Muscle Shirts- When I go to the gym I occasionally see guys wearing a sorry excuse for a shirt. I understand it's the gym so I don't have a problem if a guy wants to wear a tank top or a tight muscle shirt, or even a wife beater to show off their muscles, but when they wear the tank top with spaghetti straps that is ripped down both sides and completely open it drives me nuts. Just take your shirt off dude.

Black Licorice- How do some people like this? I have dear friends and loved ones and I have seen them put black licorice in their mouths. Why? What can I do to help them? I've heard some people claim it is a healthy treat. It may be healthy but it is not a treat.

If you were planning on skateboarding in your ripped tank top today and then later enjoying an all you can eat shrimp buffet before you settle down with a bag of black licorice, I'm afraid I have probably offended you. The nice thing about decreased readership is that there are far fewer of you to offend now.