Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Studies Show...No Doy!

This morning while I was at the gym riding a stationary bike and sweating like a pig, I saw a brief report on the news that said findings of a recent study suggest children who watch educational programs on television do better in school than kids who watch violent programs. Shocker!

I have a couple questions for the people who did this study. Did you actually get people to pay you money  to carry out this study? It appears that any person older than 5 would instinctively know that, but maybe you need several degrees, hundreds of thousands of dollars, and years of research to come to an accurate conclusion. Maybe there was confusion due to all the kids who grew up watching Robocop, Natural Born Killers, and Rambo instead of Sesame Street and Electric Company who are now administrators at Ivy League schools.

Thanks for the clarification!
This recent study reminds me of a story Seth Meyers reported on SNL weekend update a couple years ago. He said “A new study has found that the linemen on college football teams are often obese. The study was conducted by the University of My Eyeballs.”

I googled the phrase "obvious studies" and came across studies that indicated "traumatic brain damage might lead to headaches" and "women are more likely to use emoticons in their e-mails." Ya Think?

I'm sure studies have also been done to show that women are more verbal than men in case there might be one person on earth who didn't already know this.

I'm looking forward to more ground breaking studies in the future on topics like: "Eating more calories than your body can burn may lead to weight gain" and "going several days without sleep may impair your ability to perform certain tasks."

I'm just grateful that we live in a country where money (probably our tax money) is used for such ground breaking studies that can clarify things for us that we might otherwise never know.