Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Happy 2 Year Anniversary

It has been two years since I started Chaka's World. I don't want to brag, but I am pleased and honored to announce that my blog just received the award for the best blog for the second straight year. I know there are many other great blogs out there, but I just didn't have enough time to check them all out so I ended up awarding it to myself again.

This blog has been therapeutic for me and has served as a outlet for my random thoughts and feelings. That reminds me of a child hood memory. When I was in grade school, a classmate hurt his knee and had surgery. For a few days after his surgery, he would actually squeeze the pus out of his knee after recess. As I write these words I am starting to doubt myself and wonder if this is a true memory, but I can still see him milking the yellow liquid out from his swollen knee. Anyway that is kind of like me and this blog. Some days I have something entertaining to offer but other days I'm afraid you show up and only get a bowl of warm pus. I hope to improve in the future.

As part of my two year anniversary, I am offering free unlimited access to my blogs archives. You can check out any of my prior posts 24 hours a day. It's the least I could do for such awesome followers.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Computer Virus Makers

The computers at our home have been under siege recently by a variety of viruses. Despite having a host of anti-virus and spy ware programs, we keep on getting them. The most recent one was the addition of "Windows Anti Virus Pro" which is actually a virus that takes on the appearance of a virus scan program. It holds your computer hostage until you pay for a subscription. It's kind of like paying protection money to the mafia. I have not been able to get my PC past the start up screen for a week so I can't get online to fix it. My laptop also takes 15 minutes before you can get online. This has prompted me to vent my frustration in a letter to the creators of computer viruses.

Dear computer virus creators, I am nice guy, but I would love find you for creating Windows Antivirus Pro and torture you for several days ala Jack Bauer. I would prefer to torture you in front of your parents at your family reunion. When they realized what you have up to I'm sure they would want to join in and help me. You have disrupted my life in a big way. I would love to convert all the frustration you have caused me and return it to you in the form of physical aggression. I may be using my remaining vacation time to track you down and find you. Unlike Liam Neeson, I have no particular set of skills, but I would employ my limited resources and primitive abilities until I bring you to justice. I am not alone there are thousands of people like me who would love to get their hands on the computer virus makers of the world who need to get a life. You had better watch your back. Love, Chaka

I know violent threats are out of character for me. I try to keep this blog a happy place. I'm sorry, but I had to vent and express how I feel about computer nerds who use their powers for the dark side of the force.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Eye Floaters

If you are not familiar with the phrase eye floaters then you are not alone. Have you ever looked up into the sky and not only seen clouds, but also little microscopic worm or amoeba-like substances floating in your eyes? If you flex your eyes and look hard to the left or to the right you can get them all to shift over but as soon as you relax they will usually float back.

When I first noticed this I was younger and was pretty excited because I thought I had discovered a super power kind of like Heroes or X-Men. I know the ability to fly or have super strength are cool, but nothing can touch the super power of being able to see microscopic amoebas projected onto the sky with the naked eye. I'm wasn't sure how I would use these powers to defeat the forces of evil, but I was sure that some day the situation would present itself.

I thought I once remembered hearing that eye floaters were caused by good bacteria that lives in your eye and is nothing to be concerned about. If this is normal, then how come nobody talks about it and it is so hard information on the subject? Why are there no movies or TV shows about it? This topic is an untapped goldmine just waiting for someone to come along and profit from it. I can already envision eye floaters cereal, video games, and clothing lines.

I have been frustrated for the past several weeks since I could not find anything about this topic when I googled eye bugs, eye worms, etc. I was starting to doubt myself like Julianne Moore in The Forgotten, but then I finally got lucky. Thank you Wikipedia! Not only did they address the issue and offer an explanation for eye floaters, but they also had an artist's depiction of this phenomena which I have included at the top of the page.

As I'm typing these words right now I can see some eye floaters on the computer screen. I'd be interested to know who else sees these little guys when they look up into the sky.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

What's Your Signature Move?

Being a celebrity can have its disadvantages, like being followed by the paparazzi, or having a screwed up life, but there are also some nice perks. One of these would be be having your own signature move or trademark that you are known for. I was going to create a test where you could match the celebrity to their famous move, but I couldn't get Blogger to format how I wanted it to so I will just list some celebrity signature moves that come to mind.

Johny Carson- The golf swing after each monologue
Kareem Abdul Jabaar - The Sky Hook
Richard Nixon -The Peace Sign
The Rock -The People's Elbow
Carol Burnett - The Ear Tug
Michael Jackson - The White Glove
Michael Jordan - The tongue hanging out
Matthew Mcconaughey -Taking off his shirt withinin the first 10 minutes of every movie he has ever been in.
Isaac from the Love Boat - The Point/Wink

If I were a celebrity I think I would be known for pretending to be a robot. Unless I was filming a scene or on a movie set, I would always talk in a monotone voice and move like a robot. I'm sure people would eat it up and if I was good enough, some loyal fans might even believe I was not human. If you were a celebrity what would your trademark or signature move be?

Monday, September 14, 2009


September is my favorite month for several reasons, one of which is the perfect weather. As the remaining days of warm weather are beginning to slip away, I'd like to pay tribute to a refreshing summer treat. I like popsicles, but for a while I refused to buy them because of the inevitable tantrums and trauma they caused in my family. All one had to do was say the word "popsicle" and my two youngest kids would drop to the ground writhing in agony until they got one. I think that kind of behavior is childish and pathetic and that is why I refrain from doing it when we have guests over at our house.

I'm guessing there is some kind of addictive substance in a popsicle that makes you crave another one as soon as you finish eating the first. It's not so much that I mind my kids eating frozen junk food that is high in sugar. I hate finding wrappers and sticks around the house and yard, but it's the stickiness that I really I can't stand. It drives me crazy watching little kids eat ice cream cones or popsicles and not be able to stay ahead of the melting. I think it should be a right of passage for a kid once they are able to eat their first popsicle without letting any drip on them and get sticky.

This has been a common sight at my home for years. Most little children don't even realize when they are sticky. I'm ashamed to admit this, but I have used my straight arm technique to protect myself from sticky kids who are trying to give me a hug when I come home from work. I will clean them up and hug them after, but if I don't protect myself, the dry cleaning bills are just too high.

Even though I am meticulous and neat when I eat sticky food, I am still a pig when it comes to quantity. I eat popsicles like Kobayashi and Joey Chesnut eats hot dogs. I basically de-bone them (pull the stick out and swallow them). My favorite flavors are root beer, lime, and grape. I hope you enjoy this great time of year before the depressing winter months descend upon us.
This post was approved by the National Popsicle Foundation

Thursday, September 10, 2009

I Have A Favor To Ask...

I have a favor to ask. Last month I finished my degree in exercise science and I'm going to start training clients again. I am doing some market research on the topic of personal trainers. I have a brief survey over at Healthy Chaka and am looking for feedback from women between the ages of 30-50. If you are slightly over or under those ages and are interested, you can also take the survey. It's just 10 easy questions but it would help me a ton.

I have been wondering how to administer a survey and how to approach women about their health and their perceptions, when I realized that I interact daily with many smart bloggers who I respect and I would be foolish if I didn't ask their opinions. Don't worry, it's not a bogus survey where I come back later to try sell you something. I would never do that. I've got a reputation to uphold and a secret identity to maintain. Thanks.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Wishful Thinking

As a little kid I remember being taught in an indirect way that if I didn't eat my vegetables, then some poor kid in Africa was going to starve. Did that mean when I pulled a carrot out of American soil, that it sucked one out from China? I later learned that if I made too much money then someone in a third world country would suffer. Luckily I haven't made anyone suffer so far. In that same spirit of logic I wish I had more money but I wouldn't want to take it from others.

I'm not dishonest, just lazy. Over the years I have seen money wasted in many different ways and have wished I had a way to capture some of it. I'd be happy if I could get just a small percentage of some of the money that has been wasted in the following ways:

I wish I could have some of the money from food that has spoiled in refrigerators and gets thrown out. I'm guessing since refrigeration has been used there have been billions of dollars of rotting food in the back of fridges.

I wish I could have some of the coins that have been lost down sewer drains or in couch cushions and are now long forgotten.

I wish I could trade in the remainder of the materials from old shoes and clothes and have them make my newer clothes last longer.

I wish I could use some of the wasted hot air that groceries stores blow out the entrances in the winter or the cold air that they waste in the summer.

I wish I could have some of the money from movie or play tickets that were purchased in advance, but the viewers never ended up going because an emergency came up.

I wish I could use some of the wasted water from running toilets and drippy faucets around the world to reduce my water bill and to water the yellow spots on my lawn.

I wish I could have the reps of the new people in the gym that only come out for two or three days and then quit working out since it didn't really benefit them anyway. The gym can keep their money on this one, I'll just take the wasted exercise efforts.

I wish I could rotate the clean, fresh looking carpet underneath heavy furniture that nobody can see into the busy traffic areas that are worn out.

I wish I could write about ridiculous topics and find a way to actually make a living at it. Now that's wishful thinking. Not only was I taught to eat my vegetables, but I was also told there is no such thing as a free lunch. That won't keep me from wishing. Happy Labor Day.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Movie Pet Peeves Part 2

I originally did a post about movie pet peeves long before I started The Movie Guy blog. I listed some of the things that drive me crazy that I frequently see while watching movies. I'm not advocating that all movies be documentaries and be 100 % accurate in every way, I'm just trying to weed out some of the repeat offenders. Since identifying the most common ones in my Movie Pet Peeves Part 1, I have picked up on several additional items to add to the list.

Fake Torches-I can't stand it when someone in a movie finds a stick near a cave entrance and then they rip some cloth and wrap it around it to create a perfectly glowing inextinguishable torch yet it doesn't produce smoke or burn down the entire time they are using it. A cousin of this one is when there are scenes with fire, yet there is no smoke, just clean Hollywood flames.

The Little Kid Get Away- I have seen little kids run away from big bad guys by running under their legs to get away. I don't care how dumb and big the villain may be, he should still be able to catch a kid. Not being able to catch Jackie Chan is one thing, but if you can't catch a little kid because he ran under a table or your legs, then you are pathetic!

Fake Computer Performance.-I'm sure you have seen the fake scenes where a computer and a programmer talk back and forth in everyday English like instant messenger. I love 24 but I can't stand it when Chloe sends requested building schematics to Jack's PDA before he even finishes the sentence. I'm not asking to see an hourglass or watch people's computers stall or crash, but it would be nice if it happened to someone besides myself.

The Multiple Angle Slow Motion Stunt Montage- If a stunt is really that cool then we can always rewind it when we rent it on DVD. Occasionally a movie will show the same stunt several times from different angles as if they didn't film it properly or they want to get their money's worth for how much they spent on it. Maybe the stunt man's mom is also the movie editor.

Totally Fake Amounts of Police or Swat Team- I can understand if there is a bank robbery or some kind of standoff with the police then there would be a large number of law enforcement officials present, but when a car chase starts and immediately there are 15 cop cars following or if an alarm in a building goes off and and multiple swat teams descend on a location and repel in out of nowhere it drives me nuts!

Get with it Hollywood. Some of these fake details are detracting from some potentially good movies. I can't be the only one who notices these things.