Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Stupid Quizzes Rant Time

I'm sure you have seen the many quizzes that are constantly promoted on Facebook and the Internet that prompt viewers to find out what kind of Jane Austen character, Star Wars character, or Super Hero they are. I guess some people might enjoy a special kinship knowing they are like Chewbacca, Mr. Darcy, or Wonder Woman.

These quizzes got old fast but somehow they are still making the rounds but now the makers of these quizzes are getting desperate. I'm seeing stuff like what spirit animal, state, and food are you?

It's only a matter of time before you can take a quiz to determine what kind of pizza cutter, tooth brush container, button shape, or phone ring you are.

Are people really that desperate to be analyzed and categorized? I'm sure the analyzing procedure on these tests is state of the art...NOT. Whey would anyone care what the test says they are? How do we get Buzz Feed, Zimbio, and other to stop making these?

Help me understand this. It really bugs me. I need to get a life and focus on something important instead of this.

What kind of curious, insecure, and gullible person are you? Take my detailed quiz to find out and then tell everyone online what kind of essential oil you are.

Part 2- Another trend that drives me crazy are all the intro teasers on so many stories and links you see these days.

"This boy was failing his speech test and then this happened"

"They bought an old home and you won't believe what they found in the attic"

"It was an ordinary day at work until this special special visitor came by."

I guess it works because I still click on a bunch of those dumb stories to see what the amazing surprise was.

End of Rant.

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

The ALS Bucket Challenge

I'm sure you have all noticed a ton of ice water videos over the last month. I can't log onto Facebook without seeing 10-15 challenges per day. I am afraid that the challenge is starting to wear on people by now and it feels like it is slowly turning into the Harlem Shuffle.

I think it is great that the challenge is for a good cause but I have a few questions. Are you supposed to pay in addition to getting wet or is promoting it by getting wet a free pass to not have to donate? I don't know the answer because I never like to listen to the first minute or two of someone blabbing on in the videos before they get their cold shower. (Less talking, more dumping)

I know some people may question the effectiveness of the campaign but contributions are obviously up big time for ALS research so something is working. I am usually not a big fan of awareness by itself. I remember several years ago when everyone changed their Facebook photos to cartoon avatars to help prevent child abuse. Still trying to figure out how that made any difference at all besides making people feel good about using Scooby Doo on their profile picture for a week.

Some have criticized the challenge for wasting water or because ALS research involves embryonic stem cells or animal experimentation. I wish my concerns were as noble, but my biggest hangup is that I just don't want to get wet.

Thankfully I have not been challenged and would probably out right decline the challenge since I am both a party pooper and am super sensitive to not only ice cold water but any temperature of water cooler than lukewarm. It takes me about 5 minutes to ease myself into a warm body of water like Lake Powell in the summer so I can't even imagine how painful and shocking ice water would be.

I may end up starting a challenge to create awareness for some other charity, but if I do it will entail eating a large stack of pancakes or an entire pizza as opposed to ending up wet and shivering.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

The Epitome of Masculinity

Today I'd like to share some thoughts on masculinity. I feel like I have been mellowing out a little bit as I get older. I'm in my mid 40's now and no longer have testosterone surging through my veins like I did when I was a teenager. I am not to the point where Steel Magnolias is my new favorite movie, but I am beginning to feel a little more docile and tired than I used to.

When people think of masculinity certain images come to mind. Society has told us that in order to be masculine we need to participate in the following activities:

Lift weights and have big muscles
Be good at home and car repairs
Grow facial hair easily
Occasionally eat food straight out of a can
Consume large quantities of alcohol
Be athletic and an expert on sports
Use a chain saw or hard hat at your job
Love to hunt and spend time outdoors
Not talking much if a simple grunt will do
Drive a large truck or 4 wheel drive vehicle

Obviously most of these activities don't make the man but they can influence how others see you.

After much scientific research I have created a highly accurate testosterone scale which is much like the food pyramid except I am using celebrities to illustrate my point. The higher the ranking the more manly a person comes across.

My testosterone scale of manliness

10- Ron Swanson
9-  Chuck Norris
8-  Charlton Heston
7-  Tom Selleck
6-  Lee Majors
5-  Bruce Willis
4-  James Franco
3-  Orlando Bloom
2-  Tony Randall
1-  Woody Allen

I am aware that these days you can get in trouble for not being politically correct or making broad generalizations. I hope readers can view the general stereotypes without taking offense. I think everyone has both masculine and feminine characteristics and I'm not saying one is better than the other, I am just worried that I have slowly moved from a 9 down to a 5 over the years. Maybe if I take up bull riding I can get back up to an 8 this year. If not I will just keep using the cheapest form of hormone replacement therapy I have found, watching The Expendables 2 trailer every morning.

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

My Random Thoughts

I've had several random thoughts and insights recently and thought I'd share some of them with you. Feel free to either skim over them for mere entertainment or you can really study them for the deeper meaning and then apply what you learn to your life for amazing results.

I have never cared for the phrase "brown noser". It has an unsavory connotation but I think an even more disturbing name for someone who sucks up to a person to gain favor is "boot licker". When I imagine someone licking a person's boots I find it very disturbing.

Confession: Even though it was never cool, I actually liked school lunch as a kid. I could never understand what high class French restaurant my fellow 5th graders must have eaten at on a regular basis to make them look down on giant vats of mashed potatoes and gravy. I guess I was just hungrier than them.

What if you were alone at sea in a life raft like in The Life of Pi and the only survival rations you had was one months worth of cotton candy and rice cakes but then a big storm came and the rain and waves simply dissolved your food supply? That would suck.

What kind of dirt does Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, and Danny Elfman have on Tim Burton? I have nothing against them but seriously, every movie?

I have zero respect for people who are eagerly applauding in the audiences of infomercials. Their fake enthusiasm sickens me.

I was making fun of AOL the other day and a person in the room said she still had an AOL account. I felt a little sheepish so I tried changing the subject and told a story how a customer at work asked that I e-mail her some information and she had an e-mail address something like foxy16@hotmail even though she was now an adult with kids. The same person I had previously offended minutes before said she also had "foxy" as part of her e-mail. I decided to shut up and stop talking for a while.

Whenever I'm on YouTube and reading comments I always get a kick out of the spammers who expect you to click on their link. They usually say something really stupid like "Imagine when my friends said I couldn't make money on the interwebs...." I always stop right there. Please don't call the Internet the interwebs or the world wide web. Just say online please.

I think Bradley Cooper, Brad Pitt, and Hugh Jackman are good looking guys but I'm not gay.

I would hate to die and get to heaven and then find out I was going to be judged by people like Simon Cowell, David Hasselhoff, Christina Aguilera, and Celo Green.

If I were to write a sit com for TV I would call it "the predictable mind numbing unfunny series for stupid people who are easily entertained" I bet most of the viewers wouldn't even take offense with it.

One of the ideas I'm toying with is SmellBook. It's a mix between Facebook and scratch and sniff stickers that allows you to share the important smells in your life with your friends.

I like old school 80's music but I don't like REO Speedwagon. However, I am also a coward so if I ran into that band while they were performing at a children's fair or a mall opening I would probably not want to hurt their feelings and I'd just keep quiet. I'm not saying I go to mall openings or children's fairs, I was just trying to insinuate that they might be a little washed up and are not playing at big venues like they used to. I guess that attempted insult may have backfired on me and I'm too lazy to hold down the delete key for 4 lines of words.

Confession 2: I like Children's Fairs and finger puppets.

Monday, January 20, 2014

Language Pet Peeves

Listening to these phrases feels like this.
Years Ago I did a post about Word Pet Peeves. It's been a while so it's now once again time for me to criticize how people communicate with each other. I'm not talking about texting, which I am still trying to warm up to. I am referring to the following phrases that drive me crazy.

1) All things... I keep hearing ladies say "my kids love all things Disney", or "Jaden is all things Harry Potter". I understand that you are trying to say someone is really into something, but please don't say it that way. It hurts my ears.

2) Believe you me...  Seriously? I heard someone say this the other day and it wasn't Yoda.

3) The "yes please" suffix. This is usually added on the end of a comment. I am seeing this all over Pinterest. An example would be waffles in bed...Yes please!

4) Is what it is... This is the grand daddy offender of them all. Starting a sentence this way can only be topped by someone who takes it a step further and says "Is what it is is...

I know it is hypocritical for me to criticize others when I can hardly string together a cohesive sentence on this blog, but those are just some sayings I'd rather not hear and I'd appreciate it if you could help me put an end to some of these phrases. Irregardless, if people will do what I say than their will be less problems effecting there grammar.

Sorry, I had to throw in that lest sentence for fun.