Thursday, August 30, 2012

My Take on Neck Ties

First of all I'd like to say that the person who invented the neck tie should have been hung by one, but since society has adopted this fashion trend, I have given in and go along with it. As an experienced tie wearer, I have decided to enlighten the readers of Chaka's World with a few insights on the subject.

Designs- I prefer conservative or subtle designs as opposed to noisy ones with cartoon characters or dumb messages on them. I can make occasional exceptions for wearing a flag tie around the 4th of July or a Christmas tie during the holidays, but regularly wearing team logos or Bugs Bunny on your tie can backfire. As you move away from simple patterns and move towards an actual message with your tie, you are entering dangerous territory.

The knot- I prefer the Windsor knot. It is more full and symmetrical and I believe it looks better than the quickly tied knots I see many young men sporting these days. Some of the ties I see look like guys were just guessing how to tie them.

To the Neck- I hate feeling like I'm being choked, but If you are wearing a tie, then wear it all the way up. I can understand after a long day at the office if you unbutton your top button, loosen your tie, or role up your sleeves, but if you show up with a loose and crooked tie, it just looks horrible.

Tie length- According to Dress for Success, the tip of the tie should come down to the center of your belt buckle. If it's too long, it says you are sloppy and uncaring, if it is too short, it makes you look like you are 50 pounds overweight since it accentuates your uncovered belly. Don't become a victim to the short tie look. You are better than that!
Obsessive Compulsive- I have never been diagnosed as having an obsessive compulsive personality, but I often feel that way when I tie my ties. If my ties does not reach the ideal hanging zone or feel just right, I end up tying it over and over until I feel it has been tied properly.

Tie Tacks and bars- These are too formal for me and even though I have some, I never wear them. The main reason is because I refuse to wear them correctly which is at the 3rd button down. I think the 5th button or mid shirt looks much better, but I don't like people telling me that I'm wearing it too low.
My tie secret- In order to have the perfect hanging tie, I use a tie clip, but not one that anyone can see. For years I have used a plastic coated paperclip (so the ends don't damage your tie) and pin the skinny end of the tie to my shirt after sliding it through the loop on the underside of the tie. That way when you lean forward or move, the tie remains in  place and you give off the image of being a super hero who can defy gravity.

If you have to wear a tie, then you have my condolences, but you might as well look good doing so. I hope these amazing and life changing tips help you improve your appearance and self confidence and that as a result you land yourself a multi-mullion dollar business deal. If this is the case, please remember me and feel free to leave a little something in my Paypal donation sidebar since I am trying to take my large family to Disneyland in a couple months and it is going to be freaking expensive!

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Children's Music Education

When I was in grade school, I took piano lessons for about 4 months. In 6th grade, I played the trumpet for one year (and was first chair I might add). I later bought drum sticks and a drumming pad and would have become a world famous percussionist if I had actually started the drums. Despite my limited dabbling with musical instruments and my willingness to quickly abandon practicing them, I still enjoy music, even if I can't remember how to read notes.

Before I proceed, here is a quick lesson on genetics for you. If a woman who is a professional violinist has children with a man who played sports, then music will be the dominant gene for their kids as long as the woman is the one wearing the jeans.

My oldest boy started playing the piano over 16 years ago and I put up with a lot of twinkle twinkle little star and other monotonous practicing that beginners go through. Over the years he got better until I actually enjoyed hearing him and my other kids practice. He recently earned a music scholarship to college. I find it ironic that as a classically trained musician he also have quite a  following on his YouTube channel for all of his piano covers he has done of death metal music. My fifteen year old daughter is an amazing pianist and violinist and could get a scholarship for either instrument too.

Our family does not have boats, ATVs, big screen televisions, campers, or any of that other fun stuff. Instead we have instruments. All of my kids play the piano and most play a second instrument like the violin, cello, and my five year old just started the harp. One reason my wife is so adamant about music is because she says "we don't have cows to milk."

I credit my family's musical talent to hard working kids, music teachers, and their mom who comes from a very musical family. My mother in law even wrote a book about that exact topic entitled "How to get your kids to practice without resorting to violence".

By the way, I am still working on my book called "How to waste countless hours online". I will let you know when it is finished, but I can't ever seem to break away from Facebook to work on it.

Monday, August 13, 2012

Celebrities on T-shirts

I don't understand the trend to wear clothes with dead celebrities on them. I'm a pretty conservative dresser (which is code for meaning I have no sense of style), so I am not a fan of T-shirts with silly or cocky messages written on them, let alone clothes with images of actual people on them.

Some of the more popularT-shirt  images I've noticed people wearing over the years include:

Elvis Presley
Bob Marley
James Dean
Marilyn Monroe
Bruce Lee
Che Guevara
Janis Joplin
Albert Einstein
John Lennon

When I was a teenager, an older lady in my neighborhood asked me why I advertised for companies for free. It took me a minute to realize that she was talking about the Nike Swoosh logo on my shirt. Ever since then I have decided to stop leaving money on the table so I got a sponsorship with Nike. Just kidding, apparently they only pay famous people for wearing their logo, the rest of us pay them in order to to wear their brand.

I'm guessing this T-shirt trend is probably just a form of idol worship (not the kind like lighting incense to Baal, but like wearing a team jersey with the number of your favorite athlete). If you really are a hard core fan of a celebrity, then go ahead and wear their T-shirt, but if you've never seen a James Dean movie, but you wear the shirt just because you think it's hip, then I feel bad for you.

The one I really don't get is Che Guevara. I can understand if you were a huge Lohn Lennon fan or if Bruce Lee was your martial arts mentor you looked up to, but I would venture to guess that most of the college aged kids wearing Guevara shirts are not Marxist revolutionaries. They are probably just trying to be rebels or be a little edgy. How come we don't see those same people wearing Stalin T-shirts?

Anyway, when I die, I hope you will all buy my T-shirts that feature my pensive countenance since it will probably be a cultural icon for generations. You will also be guaranteed to be cool if you do.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Super Powers

The topic of super powers is one that most guys have probably wasted a lot of time thinking about over the course of their lives. There are so many good powers to choose from, but I think being able to read a person's mind has to be at the top of the list. You could make a good living as a salesman without having to go through all the numbers.

I've always thought that having special vision would also be a cool. This might include X ray vision, having eagle eyes that could see details at long distances, or being able to see in the dark.

If I had the power of super human strength and I was walking around in the desert and came across an old rusted out abandoned car, I'm afraid I would probably be tempted to see how far I could throw it just for fun. That probably explains why I have not been entrusted with that particular power yet.

I actually do have a super power, but it kind of sucks. It is the heightened ability to hear water dripping and running. I can hear a drippy faucet on the other side of the house and can sense whenever sprinklers or a water softener is running no matter how noisy the surroundings may be.

My special water senses are actually more of a curse since I sometimes wake up at night when I hear the pipes hissing that nobody else seems to notice. I always imagine something like the picture to the right happening somewhere in my house when I hear those water noises. I'm kind of like Aqua Man but in reverse since water freaks me out.

My super powers of water sound sensitivity only stress me out. If I do happen to find leaking water, there is not much I can do about it except call another super hero named plumber man. He has the super power of getting people to pay him tons of money for his work. Now that's a real super power.