Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The Least Motivating Songs

Over the years my wife has played the violin in recording sessions for movie soundtracks. One day she pointed out to me how much the music really affects the feeling of a movie. If you watch any horror movie with the sound turned down and instead listened to Henry Mancini's Baby Elephant Walk song or the theme to the Simpsons it would no longer be scary.

I wondered if this same idea could be utilized to deflate exciting sports moments one might find in the WWF or whatever they call it these days. If you have ever seen All Star Wrestling then you know that when the main event wrestlers are introduced they play loud rock music and shoot off fireworks. Usually it is an exciting song that gets the crowd pumped up. Hulk Hogan used Eye of the Tiger as his theme song forever.

I would like to be in charge of the music that is played when wrestlers come out to the ring for their introduction. I wonder if they could still go crazy and maintain an intimidating image if the following songs were playing as they approached the ring. I have ranked my top 10 narcoleptic gems in order of their potency or rather lack thereof.

10. Making Love out of Nothing at All-Air Supply
9. Lady-Kenny Rogers
8. If You Don't Know Me By Know-Simply Red
7. Cherish-Kool and the Gang
6. True-Spandau Ballet
5. We've Only Just Begun-The Carpenters
4. Three Times a Lady-The Commodores
3. Sailing-Christopher Cross
2. Suddenly-Billy Ocean
1. The Theme from Taxi-Bob James

To appreciate the care and effort that went into picking these easy listening classics you have to really visualize the Ultimate Warrior standing on the second rope in the corner flexing and facing the crowd and trying to get pumped up while one of these songs is playing. I think even the most angry wrestler/actor would be deflated after being introduced to any of these songs. Well there you have it. This entry was short and probably too abstract for most readers to appreciate but it was a story that needed to be told.


Intern said...

Thanks for shining light on one of the darkest and unregulated parts of the Canadian economy. Wrestling music must be address. With your financial support (gleaned from selling your number combinations), I will personally take this issue to Ottawa.

Furthermore, the more we recognize how music is the underlying source of emotions, the sooner we'll be able to protect our children from Depeche Mode.

Your servant,

Mary said...

"narcoleptic gems"- very funny.