Monday, May 7, 2012

I'm Gonna Be Rich

For most of my life I have lived from paycheck to paycheck and have just scraped by. I've spent too much time and effort working on my debt collection and have missed out on some opportunities. I am officially fed up with my mediocre earning abilities so I have decided to change things. From now on I am going to be rich! I'm serious about this.

I've tried changing before and have attempted a number of business enterprises including:

1) Donating Plasma
2) Trying to get paid to not grow crops.
3) Adsense
4) Rocking the mic with my mad MC skills.
5) Number combinations
6) Threw my life savings into making a sequel for Gymkata.
7)  Personal Training
8) Changing my name from the blogger formerly known as Tom to a symbol not found on any keyboard.

In the past I have secretly resented people who make a lot of money (that's code word for more than I make). I have especially struggled when I learn how much musicians, athletes and movie stars make, especially the teenage ones. Yes, I'm talking to you Harry Potter cast!

I've realized that I can not move forward until I stop being jealous and resentful for other people's success. As a result, the next time I hear about a college students who starts a social network and becomes a billionaire, I will be celebrate their success. When I hear about some kid who became a millionaire by rapping about how hard life on the streets is, I will be happy for him, but I still might find it ironic if he keeps rapping about the same subject matter once he's rich.

Last week I dreamed that Twitter was paying people by the word for tweets and they removed the 140 character limit. The Internet got kind of ugly after that, but there was potential. I am taking that dream as an omen that good things are about to happen. I also had a dream that I was on the boat with Robert Shaw hunting down Jaws, but then he turned into Tom Hanks and then I was back in junior high and couldn't remember my locker number. I'm not sure what that dream meant.

I don't know exactly how I'm going to be rich, but it may involve a variety of things including developing a new language, using positive affirmations, goal setting, planking, hard work, and using Jedi mind tricks. I will also increase the value of my service, or maybe just start providing some kind of service. It is definitely time for me to start moving on up like the Jeffersons, or even the Clampetts.

I just want to assure you that after I am rich, I will not let it go to my head. I will still be down to earth and approachable. I will probably even drive the same old noisy van that is missing it's hubcaps, that is if my bodyguards and entourage will fit in there.


Kristina P. said...

I would look into selling body parts on the black market. I hear people go nuts for testicles.

mCat said...

I keep telling God that I really need to learn the challenge of having wealth. That it's a lesson I really need to learn from. Alas, no go.

I did walk in once to sell plasma but after a quick glance around, me and my son bolted for the car.

Eric said...

The grass isn't greener, just thicker.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

You really think you have what it takes to remake GYMKATA?? What's next, your all rap version of 'The Godfather?" Walk before you try to fly son. Gymkata? It's can never be made anymore perfect than it is. However, I am intriqued by your mad scheme and would like to hear you ideas.

Curtis W. Jackson said...

In our times people should realize that being wealthy does not promise true happiness.

Raine said...

hey, good luck on being rich and stuff :)