Tuesday, January 20, 2009

The Life Of A Secret Agent

I have always wanted to have a top secret government job. I think it would be cool to have the technology, gadgets, and top secret intelligence, but the best benefit would be having access to all the cool code words. There is something appealing and exciting about speaking in code language.

I go into a small diner and asking the waitress if they sell Turkish Delight. She says "My aunt in Montana used to make it for me". I then take the pen out of my pocket and place it on the table. She hands me a bill and walks away. I slowly get up and take it out to my car. I decode the numbers on the bill and type the priority access code into my cell phone. A computer voice says "commencing security clearance". A live person then comes on the line and I say "Special Ops Agent TFR Tango Foxtrot Romeo, recommending we initiate defense procedures and upgrade to a code yellow." I then look across the parking lot and see a delivery van with tinted windows that had been parked there for a while. The problem is the store where it is parked is closed. Through the miracle of technology which I am not able to disclose here, I can see the driver is wearing an earpiece. We make eye contact and he panics and pulls out of the parking lot. I then report in "The mission is compromised, upgrade to code red! Terminate all communications!" I peel out and follow the van. As I speed up I tell my kids to put their seat belts on and to quit arguing with each other and I wake up to reality.

Even any office job is more exciting when someone pages you and instead of telling you that your 2:00 pm appointment is here they say "The package is in the open" or "the eagle has landed, this is not a test". I guess I've just seen too many James Bond, Mission Impossible, and Bourne Identify movies over the years. As you can probably guess I really relate to Calvin and Hobbes. I will try to keep my spy fantasies to a minimum, especially since I keep getting in trouble for answering the phone and saying "Is this a secure line?"


Dr Zibbs said...

Haha. You're as weird as me. Weirdo.

The Mauermans said...

allow myself to introduce ... myself.
Still wondering how you saw my earpiece. Our latest technology was supposed to render that invisible to the human eye.

Agent "secret"

Beckalita said...

According to the 10th dimension, I'm sure there's a way for you to get from one of those worlds to the other. Check it out.