Tuesday, September 14, 2010

If I Were In Charge...

I know it's easy to criticize our leaders and be an armchair quarterback when it comes to politics, but I think we can do better. With local elections coming up in a couple months, I have been thinking about what changes I would make to improve the world if I were in charge. After some careful thought, here are 8 projects I would attempt to tackle.

1) I promise to change the tomato to the vegetable category where it belongs. I don't care if it fits the definition of a fruit, it should be a vegetable!

2) I would out law all of the lame applications on Facebook and make it illegal to solicit anyone for mafia, farming, vampire, or any other kind of "bug your friends" games.

3) What ever happened to opposite day? I would get this day re-instituted so we could wear our clothes backwards and drive on the wrong side of the street once a year.

4) Does anyone besides me get uncomfortable saying the word "legume"? I would either find a better name for that food or completely remove all legumes from our food supply so people wouldn't have to feel awkward anymore.

5) I think it is divisive to separate people into groups according to the month they are born. I think it would be better if all humans belonged to one of two groups. Those who really like to sneeze and those who don't.

6) As some of you know, I am a personal trainer. Sometimes when I tell that to people they laugh and say "no seriously, what do you do?" I hate it when that happens. I would make that a federal offense.

7) My policies and programs would not be limited to planet earth. I would repeal the recent legislation and restore Pluto back to the status of a full blown planet. This would also help me when I run for Intergalactic chancellor down the road.

8) Finally, I'd also like to find replacement words from anonymous and unanimous. I know the difference between these two words, but I consistently mix them up and make a fool of myself. Nobody wants a foolish looking leader.

Some of you might think these things are trivial, but I think sometimes it is the little details in life that make all the difference. I am chaka.com and I approve this message.


Everyday Goddess said...

Those are the most sensible ideas I've heard in quite some time.

personal trainer? really? ;)

Kristina P. said...

These are all excellent, but I am most on board with opposite day.

Kal said...

Who doesn't like to sneeze? I say return the use of the 'snuff box' to proper society.

Oh and while we are at it can we bring the cape and the top hat back into fashion. I will forgo the monocle because then I will look like Mr Peanut.

tammy said...

Chaka in charge, I say! It's time we had sometime in tune with what this country really needs.


I like the sneeze prohibition. Someone just blasted water projectiles behind me. Chaka for president. BTW interesting fact RE: Chaka. Chaka, the tagger is the most notorious guy to spray paint shit all over the city. Many people know that. But did you know he is from east Los Angeles? (he was a good frien of my friend Frank) Did you know that the name "Chaka" is written in the drummer's base at the bottom in Nirvana's "smells like teen spirit"? Also, did you know that the tagger Chaka actually made a commercial promoting "Crayola". You're a smart guy. You prob already knew all of this.

Cheeseboy said...

I LOVE to sneeze! I let loose every time. Why hold back.

Agreed on the legume thing.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

I may have to rethink my whole opinion of you Chaka when you have people building a myth around you. I usually have to do that for myself. Go Israel with your crazy self.

Alejandro "The Fittest Vegan" said...

Specially getting rid of facebook apps!