Thursday, December 10, 2009

The World's Grossest Carpet

And the award goes to.... me. When we moved into our home nearly 10 years ago, the seller included a carpet allowance since she was so embarrassed about the condition of the carpet. We ended up using the money for something else we considered more important (probably food) and never got around to replacing it. As you can imagine with a house full of kids, the condition has not gotten any better over the last 10 years. It is truly disgusting.

Over time there have been a plethora of spilled substances, and I won't go into detail about them in case you are eating something now, but they have all left their mark on the carpet. Just last week while walking up the stairs I found a plate of pancakes and syrup that a two year old had turned upside down on the carpet. The sad thing is, it didn't make any difference. It really can't get any worse. We've had the carpets cleaned many times but after a short time they return to their disgusting nature. You know it's bad when your dirty carpet not only mocks you, but the ripped seams in it also trip you when you walk by.

The dilemma I have is that we are not dirty people (despite the attached photographic evidence) and this disgusting carpet is starting to bring me down like a depressing country song or a bad hair day. Sometimes when I see it, I feel like Charleton Heston in Planet of the Apes and I want to collapse on the ground screaming "It's a Madhouse!" My wife hates it even more than I do. It is so bad that it has kept us from entertaining friends or having people over. We are afraid that if someone sees it we will lose our country club membership or will no longer be invited to the Oscars each year.

Our neighbor was replacing her old carpet and I used some of her old carpet pieces and put them over some sections of our carpet and now I feel like I live in the Taj Mahal when I walk on those areas. I also realized how bad of a job I did and it wouldn't surprise me to find my handiwork ending up on There I fixed it.

So, if you have recently been complaining about the condition of your flooring, I just thought I'd give you a little perspective and let you know that it could be worse. Sorry to share such a nasty pictures, but at least this post wasn't titled "the world's hairiest back", or "the world's worst rash." You're welcome.


HoodChick said...

Thank you so much. Now I can live for at least another year with the horrible purple shag carpet that graces my rec room. (let's not talk about incidents like pets, drunks, etc. that have occurred there.)

Dawn Parsons Smith said...

Thank you for sharing...I think I can deal with my horrendous flesh colored tile in my kitchen a wee bit longer...maybe...I may pull a Charleton Heston soon too!

Der Grexxie said...

Suddenly I feel much better about my own disgusting defiled carpet. I dream of replacing it but may as well wait for the kids to get older. Now I know I only have the world's second grossest carpet.

Berowne said...

I'll match my beatup carpet with yours any day.

Eric said...

I feel way better about my marble entryway now, thanks.